beloved daughter

New things

2012-01-19T17:42:00.001-06:00

Lots of things are changing in my life. I figured my blog look might as well join the club!

I updated a few things on the right side of the page.

And I want to share a quote from Phillip Yancey's book on Prayer: Does it make a difference?

Prayer is a subversive act performed in a world that constantly calls faith into question. I may have a sense of estrangement in the very act of prayer, yet by faith I continue to pray and look for other signs of God's presence.

I've gotten a chance to be subversive on a number of occasions this week. Now it's time to watch and wait. :)

Transition into a new day...

2012-01-03T21:37:00.001-06:00

November 19th - last blog entry. Wow! Shocked!

Longest ever between posts. I've missed writing here. I think about it often but today is the first evening I've had "extra time" in I don't even know how long.I love that I really missed writing. It's happening. I'm becoming a writer. One who likes to write.

My life got busy. Not the kind of busy where I booked up every minute with the things I love to do busy. But the kind of busy where you have to pull more than your own weight for a season. I really can't remember the last time that happened to me. It included things like my dear mother-in-law having double replacement knee surgery. Neither parent could drive, etc, etc.

And, in the middle of December I was offered a ministry position that is such a great match for my passions. That job begins in mid-January. But related to the theme of getting busy... I found myself in a perfect storm scenario at work. Let's just say this is the hardest I have ever had to work leading up to leaving a position in my working life. I'm still afraid of the challenges I'm leaving behind for the next person. And praying often that we get more done than seems possible in the next 10 days.

So in light of all this, I have found myself praying every morning through my day. What is necessary today? Or, Dear Lord, please surprise me with inspiration and timing that gets more things done than I expect is possible. Give me grace with other. Please help me not get short with the people I love when I don't really know how all of this is going to come together. There was increased pressure and at the same time a quiet confidence that characterized most of my days the last month. I did get those perfect timing, 15 minute, I know just what to buy shopping trips in. I truly got to enjoy quiet, peaceful, delightful moments with my family. As well as the pleasure of time with some of our friends.

Looking ahead: I've been praying about this new season that is about to begin. I'm praying about setting up a schedule that makes sense for the rhythms and responsibilities of my day and for my new co-workers. I take hope in knowing that knees will mend and the urgency of leaving a job will end and all the "Merry Christmas" (on top of everything else) is gone away. I will transition into a new set of things to pray about at the beginning of each day. Maybe I will be back in a season that doesn't consistently look impossible.

Reflecting back: My words will fall short here. When I received the new job the only words that seemed appropriate were hallelujah and thank you. I know the decision to let go of my CPA license in 2003 and to trust God to equip me and prepare me for a new kind of work has taken me to unexpected places and given me unexpected relationships and that most of the time during that time it did not make a lot of sense. But today, looking back, I can see the hand of God and the wisdom of God and faith provided by God. It's all grace is more comprehensible to me than ever before. I can see that I am a better at trusting and persevering when I don't know what the heck is going on. I've learned to let go of the illusion of control more quickly. I'm truly excited to see how God will use all that He has invested in me. I'm also very grateful for all the people that have been a part of this journey with me. It's actually taken a rather large tribe.

I am

thankful
blessed
hopeful
equipped
dependent
changing
willing
excited
in awe
as ready as I'll ever be to live a new chapter in my beloved little life.

May God bless and keep you, make his face to shine right down on you and grant you His everlasting peace! With love, Cheri

Acorns

2011-11-19T10:29:00.002-06:00

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

That is what is sounds like outside my house this fall. The acorns are truly raining down out of our oak trees.

The other day I saw a huge flock of black birds land in our biggest oak tree out front. They did a group snatch and grab. At first I was confused and then realized they were taking acorns. Within seconds they all flew away again. I was like, "No come back, please take all you want."

I have been pondering these acorns for weeks now. We are in a drought. In the same year we have the least water we have the most acorns. Hmm.

Yesterday while blowing off the front walk of leaves and acorns, a new insight about these prolific little buggers dropped into my head. When we are stressed and depleted there is this massive seed production going on in our lives. I stopped what I was doing and stood in awe of this thought.

You see, part of what I do is walk alongside people in the some of the hardest days they face on earth. Or, I walk with them while they sort out the meaning of the hardest days they have known on earth. That is a challenging call at times. I need all the help God will give me to keep allowing myself to be in those places with people. We all need to see purpose in the hard and painful days.

This is a beautiful visual of why we patiently endure hard days and our questions around past hard days. Those dry and difficult seasons in our lives produce seeds. All kinds of different seeds. When the season is over we have a rich storage bin of seeds. We have gobs and gobs of seeds. The dryer the season the larger the seed production.

In surprising ways and with people we never knew we'd meet we receive the invitation from God to plant those seeds... to give them away... to offer life to another person. God waters it, feeds it and causes it to grow. And, we have the privilege of seeing purpose and life come out of our past pain.

This is another challenging invitation to trust God. God knows exactly what seeds He is developing. He knows where and with whom He wants to spread them later. If we trust that He is working for His glory and our good and for the good of others then we will more patiently endure. If we do not we will be controlled by our fears. We will be prone to despair. We will wander until we do trust. Or, we will determine to ignore God and go about rescuing ourselves.

This morning before writing this post, I came across this poem:

Be still, my soul! The Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief and pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! Thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Poem by Katharina von Sclegal

Dear Lord,

Thank you. This visual of piles and piles of acorn seeds is very helpful to me. To know and believe you have good purposes in all seasons is hopeful to me. For my friends who are hurting and enduring a dry and hard season please show them how to rest in you... to trust in you... to believe in you.

For my friends who are not in that season right now but have bags of seeds to spread around. Guide them to people and places to spread those seeds. May they follow with a listening and responsive heart to the needs of others. May You get all the credit for any life realized in the process.

May we all know how to worship you regardless of what season we find ourselves in.

Amen

Cease Striving

2011-11-09T21:56:00.001-06:00

I received one of the most unexpected and therefore delightful gifts ever this past weekend.

God has been trying to show me something for some time now. Inviting me to a very big paradigm shift. It's such a big shift that I can honestly say that I see threads of it going back for more than nine years.

I have been very resistant for several reasons. I am the first born child of my family with all the typical leanings of a first born. It is a part of my personality to strive. Second, I live in the most productive and striving culture on the face of the planet. And lastly, I have lived in a church culture that teaches very little about our need for rest. That's a whole lot to overcome.

My awareness of all these things has been growing for almost a decade. In God's grace I have been able to see and understand more and more about words like, "Apart from me (Jesus) you can do nothing." When I look back at the beginning of this journey and think about how absolutely confusing those words were to me, it brings me joy that there is more clarity than confusion at this point. This has truly been a point of life changing or life transforming work in my life.

So what happened this weekend, you ask?

I'll get to that in just a minute but need to explain a couple of lead in events first.

My Grandmother True was passionate about genealogy. You should have seen her basement. The correspondence and research she did was in volumes and with great passion. That was back in the 70's and 80's. So one night in the summer of 2010, I was bored and got on the internet to see if any of her research had made it on to the world wide web. Before I knew it almost two days had been eaten up with following lineage trails back on both my Grandmother True's line and and my Grandfather True's line. I can trace my lineage back to Amsterdam and England.

One of the lines that goes back to England is the Otis line. John Otis arrived to the New World with Rev Peter Hobart and other families in 1635. Each of the families received a land grant near Boston, Massachusetts. I had discovered over a year ago, that it was possible to see that land, as the street name has remained the same since that time. It is called Otis Hill Road. As a part of my internet investigation I pulled up Google maps and thought that it would be very cool to find that hill one day.

So fast forward to June of 2011 and I find out that I have been accepted to a training program that takes place at retreat center locations around the Boston area. So prior to first training weekend in August, I thought I'd like to extend my stay after one of the training sessions to find some of the historical locations that relate to my family story. I thought the best time to do that would be when I go back in June of 2012. I also thought this just because a group of rent a car together each time and I am not usually one of the drivers listed on the rental.

The first night Rebecca and I get into a conversation and I mention that I'd love to find Otis Hill at some point but don't plan to do anything about it on this particular trip.

Well Sunday morning I hear someone running up the stairs at full speed. We're supposed to be in silence until after breakfast when we begin our worship service with prayer. I hear someone knocking on each room door in the hallway. Eventually there is a knock at my door. I say come in. Rebecca opens the door and says very excitedly, "Cheri, you have to come right now. I have to take you to Otis Hill Road. I found it will getting my cup of Starbucks coffee." It was the most delightful unexpected gift. My heart started to pound a bit. We drove for only five minutes or so and there we were.

It was a bit surreal. Eleven generations ago, a family led by John and Margaret Otis left Barnstable, England with a group of Puritans and started their new lives in the New World. They are a part of my story. It was beautiful piece of property that is on Walton Cove, in Hingham Bay which borders Boston Harbor.

So why the title cease striving? Well, I've been learning how to do that. Learning to let the Lord bless me with unexpected gifts. He is very creative in how He demonstrates His love for each of us. In my case the timing of it all boggles my mind. Even though I had the information I did not feel compelled to make the discovery of this amazing place happen. That is new for me. In the past something that I longed for would have made me anxious until I got it accomplished. One thing led to another over 15 months or more and there I stood. I hope I never forget just how lovely that felt. It was a treat to see how much Rebecca enjoyed participating in the gift! She wasn't missing that all this was some kind of God thing happening! She kept saying things like I can't believe I remembered your families name. I can't believe I saw the little sign. Very fun!

I'm getting less and less interested in making anything happen in my own strength. Which is a very good thing since it is a complete waste of time!

Here's a few pics...

One Thousand Gifts

2011-10-06T07:50:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed the book One Thousand Gifts so much. It was creative. So creative it ignored all the writing rules. Or, so I am told. If you've read much of this blog you know that I am not a trained writer. I do not understand the rules either. (To my friends who are skilled and trained writers and you still take the time to read this blog, please know that I understand how difficult that must be for you at times.)

In that book, Ann shares that she had this profound ah ha moment at the end of the her first 1000 gifts list. As I got closer and closer to that number I started to place that expectation on God and my own list. That is not a good idea. I realized that and asked the Lord to help me avoid placing any expectations on the process, myself or the Lord. So I went back to simply enjoying the list making and worship experience of it all.

Within the last 10 entries, I did have a realization about thankfulness that I have never had before. Thankfulness received is not complete unless it is re-gifted. I found this word re-gift kinda funny the first time I thought about it. Re-gifting is quite controversial. Most people don't think it's a good idea in our everyday lives to re-gift. For some it's associated with giving away what you did not want in the first place. But it is also associated with what you do not need to keep. The second idea is where people are most comfortable with re-gifting. If I have two toasters... why wouldn't I give the second one away?

It is humbling to receive an unexpected gift. It is rude and unkind to not receive an unexpected gift. So when people reach out to us and say thank you we need to receive it. It is an act of love to receive the gift offered. But now what? Unexpected gifts can create a pride problem. We can take to much ownership of the gift. That is what I saw for the first time. Re-gifting can help keep us from having prideful reactions. What we receive we can pass on. It feels complete to pass it on. To whom much is given much is expected. I think one of the expectations that makes sense to me is passing on the generosity given to us.

I've written about this topic of thankfulness quite a bit over the past two years. It has been a theme that God has been working on in my life. I really do have a deep sense of thankfulness that the Lord has opened my eyes to how weak my thankful muscles were. I'm excited to see what the Lord will show me next about all this.

Dear Lord,

Help us to receive gifts from you and others. Help us to see how to offer them on to other people. Help us not to expect gifts. Help us to avoid pride when gifts are offered. Help us to see you as the source of all good things. Help us to be generous with others as you have been generous with us. Change our greedy and prideful hearts to ones that love.

Amen

A Thankful Heart

2011-10-06T07:23:00.000-05:00

This was written on a recent Silent Retreat

A Thankful Heart

A thankful heart
both good and true
a bit like the surprise
of the morning dew.

A demanding heart abandoned
a seeing heart embraced.
Not an easy journey
and truly a gift of Grace.

A more opened heart

watching
waiting
looking
desiring

desiring to say with abundant measure...

Thank You

Is that Love?

2011-09-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

Where did August go?

Playing catch up from being gone so long in July.
Disappearing to the mountains for almost a week for refreshment.
Dropping our son off at college.
Flying into Hurricane territory with a crazy amount of peace to start a new and significant phase of training in Boston.

That is where August went.

In the midst of all that something got said to me three different times. All three times it really got my attention and I could not figure out why until this morning. Dave and I are in the process of starting a new home group with another couple. In preparation for that we are reading a book called: Love Walked Among Us by Paul Miller. Reading this book, this morning, helped me to see what I was sorting out.

Here are the words that were spoken to me. "I know love is not a feeling. Love is an action."

I do not believe this is true. I believe that another pendulum swing has happened. It is fair to think that our culture has preached a message that says love is a feeling. Human "wisdom" has reduced love to a feeling. When the feelings stop then people believe that love has ended. In response to one half truth another has been created. Love is an action. Is that all love is?

If love is not a feeling and love is an action than isn't love very legalistic? Couldn't you come up with the to do list of actions that are loving and then you do them and define yourself as loving. You can even use the bible to come up with the to do list. That picture starts to look like a Pharisee to me. Obedient actions that include nothing else is not love.

Two things come to mind that I believe are true about love. Jesus is love. Jesus did not love us with parts of himself. Jesus loves us with his mind, his will, his emotions and his strength or actions. I believe that the transformation process in us is to take us from people who do not know how to love to others to people who love like Jesus. I believe that is why Jesus called Luke 10:27 the greatest commandment.

(Jesus)"He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"

Here is where I see simply taking loving actions as being wise rather than legalistic. I have been called by God to do things that I did not want to do. Rather than compassion, concern or care for the other person I was fearful, selfish or prideful. I have asked God to help me to be able to simply do what I was being asked to do. God did help me and then in the process an understanding or a change in me did come through obedient surrender. In other words some things you just can't understand until you experience them with a teachable spirit. But there is so much more going on there than just doing a loving act. It's not actually the action itself that is love. It's coming to understand God and care about others more than myself that is love.

So I think the next time someone says to me that love is an action wanting me to see the wisdom of that expression... I will have to say please don't reduce love to just action. I think Love is more.

Reentry

2011-07-31T18:24:00.007-05:00

It's a good thing I forget how difficult reentry after a Mission Trip can be.

Anger is one of the emotions. I wont specifically vent here. It's not appropriate. The specifics are not my point. I just want to say that there is something about going cross cultural that opens your eyes up. You see things you've either been totally blind to or putting effort into ignoring. Something about getting away and seeing other places do things differently and are getting better results leaves you with a level of frustration that is impossible to ignore. Especially when you remember that not everyone was on the same trip you just came back from and their perspectives haven't changed one bit. There is a breaking down process that happens on these trips that few other experiences allows for. I am asking God to keep the anger from turning to bitterness. I am asking God to give me loving responses when I get close to "hot points" in my culture. I'm hoping that I do no harm with the anger that is sometimes within me.

Sadness has been another strong emotion. I could have burst into tears most of Thursday afternoon. I had two good nights of sleep so it wasn't all about being tired. I had to focus on work. So when I got home I processed with Dave for a while and then gave myself a break from my to do list and spent time praying. I was sad because... the "flip the switch process" from working with a group of people, all working towards the spread of the gospel to...BAM now I'm making sure I got the checks posted to the correct expense account. Well it was just to fast and hard for my soul to take in. (Why God gives us these passions and then limits the resources to pursue them is on my list of heavenly questions.) Once the sadness was named, it was easy for me to discover devotions and verses that brought comfort to me as I have prayed about all that was stirred up in my thoughts and emotions on Thursday. I am doing much better now. Frankly, now I am grateful for the sadness. Sadness always motivates seeing under the surface for me. God has met me there in very encouraging ways.

Okay enough of the hard stuff... because by far there is way more encouraging stuff.

One of the things I have figured out about myself is that I have been put on the planet to care about and encourage leaders. It was not an accident that I was placed on the Nenagh team. I mentioned in a previous blog why it was good for both Pastor Matt and I to spend time together. But it was also timely that I was matched up with Nev. Nev is 24 years old. From all I gathered, his leadership skills are being developed at a pretty rapid rate. There were so many similarities in how we engage with God and with engage with other people serving God. I think I was placed there to say, on a few occasions: You are on the right track. Keep trusting what the Lord is doing in your life. And here's why I am saying that to you based on my own history with the Lord. Here's what's fun about the time spent with these two gentlemen. When I applied to go on this trip neither of those relationships was on my radar of possibilities. For those of you that know anything about the Desires and Longings Map that I walk through with people, you will understand how significant this realization of purpose was for me on this trip.

Which brings me to the sermon this morning. Pastor Mike spoke about Mary. He shared the story from Luke 1. The time when Mary is doing the daily dailies and an Angel shows us up and says... by the way, you will be the mother of God. The title for the sermon was: The Model of Discipleship. Mary had a willing and receptive heart. Preparation had gone into that moment. Preparation had been done on both sides. God prepared Mary's heart to receive the message. Mary invested with her community in knowing who her God is so well that she was able to quote back a passage from 1 Samuel in response. Mary said yes to God. It was not an easy thing to say yes to.

When friends first asked me, do you plan to apply to go to Ireland, three quick reasons for why "no" was clearly the right answer rolled off my tongue on several different occasions. The Still Small Voice convicted me that I had not actually prayed about that and asked God if He wanted me to be on the trip. The more I prayed about it, talked with others who would help me make the decision and other events in my life the more I realized that there was a sense that I should be willing to go. And, I got to the place where I really wanted to go. I'm grateful the Lord made it possible. My life would be far poorer if I had stayed with my three quick reasons for not going.

It matters, that it is possible for the Lord, in his grace in mercy to increase our sensitivity to his voice and to follow wherever He leads us. I believe this with increasingly clarity. I understand the dangers here. I know that part of my life purpose is to help people as they learn to be more responsive to the leading of the Holy Spirit in their lives. To God and God alone be the glory.

There is a lot involved in Reentry. It is not easy work. I haven't even discovered the half of it yet. Our team will continue to work through by reading The Celtic Way of Evangelism. I'll be reading with Dave on the road trip to Colorado this week. I'm really looking forward to it. Brent and Charlie tell me I'll like this book. I may have more to share after this week. That's it for now. Thanks for listening.

First pic is of Matt and Nev.
Second pic - Nenagh Team
Third pic - Team CBC

Planning is wee bit overrated!

2011-07-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

Nothing goes as planned...

Our week here is Nenagh has been a week of rolling with it. I think it has been good for all of us. It's been a great week to practice listening and responding to the leading of the Holy Spirit. It's also been a good week for simply paying attention to who is responding to us and enjoying them.

That list of people is quite interesting:

The team members interacting with one another which include our fearless leaders Nev and Dave. As well as Keith, Jacki, Vanessa, Nicole and myself. And last and certainly not least the pastor we've come to help Matt.

20 plus church members

Random people on the street who know Matt and his wife Jules as we pass out fliers all over town. 3000 addresses will be covered in 4 or so days.

2 members of the "Tidy Town" civic group and a couple of youth doing community service. One of the Tidy Town representatives is Martin. He is a bit of a town historian. So while cleaning up the grave yard in the center of town he told us stories on break and asked us about our project. We hope to catch up again with him later in the week.

Nev has gotten to play football (soccer) with Matt and his team for two nights and may get invited to play in a game on Friday night. We plan to go watch and cheer them on. Hopefully we'll get to interact with some others on the sidelines as well while we're there.

Vanessa, Keith and Nev did Questionarres on the street today... If you had one question to ask God, what would it be? We may incorporate some of what was learned in the Sunday Coffee Bar conversation.

Nicole has been creating art all week. We will be leaving behind some of it for the church.

That give you a taste of what it has been like. We have had plans for each day but if someone shows an interest in interacting with us the plan gets scrapped and we go there. Much of that is work that only God knows about. We hope Matt becomes more aware over time if any meaningful seeds were planted in the lives of those who do not yet believe.

In many ways the trip has been about the encouragement of believers. Matt and his wife Jules have been doing the church plant here for 9 years. That is a long time. This is slow work. It makes a difference for teams like us to come in and provide much needed boost of support, encouragement, a listening ear and appreciation for so much that gets done that does not get recognized. I've been walking this journey with my own brother back in the States. I could not be more delighted about being put on a team sent here to encourage a church planting pastor. We talked for over an hour today. It was helpful to both of us.

Young Nev. He's 24. He's dubbed me the Mum of the group. And rightly so. I'm even older than the pastor. :) Nev and I share a lot of similarities in how we see things and how we approach ministry. It has been good for us to work through the decision making process together on a few occasions on this trip. He is very open about his faith. What he has learned and what he is in the middle of learning right now. It has been a joy to both listen and throw in a few words of encouragement. I do not know what all God has planned for this young man. But God has rescued him from a lot! He knows it. There joy in his soul to match. It's contagious. He is truly the most joyful person with gift of evangelism I have ever met. I'm praying that God will allow Dave and I to host him in America in some form or fashion. We'll see if that is God's plan or mine. :)

So we've got three more days to roll with it and see what happens. That will include a football game, a hurling game and a football fun day, attending a local children's play, Sunday service and whatever else we get surprised with.

For those of you praying for us, a great big thank you!

Falling in love with Ireland

2011-07-17T01:18:00.001-05:00

A friend has asked to hear my thoughts so far on being in Ireland. There are so many that I struggle to know where to start. I'm certain they will come out in random ways here. I have thoughts about the students... the country... the leaders... my own walk with the Lord.

I tried to express this to Dave on the phone the other night. I have been studying and praying about compassion and the need there is in the world to reach out to other people in very meaningful ways. I've thought about the connections to that mindset and to the worship of God. I've thought about my resistance to communicate the gospel in the form of a proclamation. I don't know if this is going to make sense to anyone else... but I find myself living and breathing in the collision of all these things. They are not ideas. They are not thoughts. They are what we are living in community. And it is overwhelmingly beautiful to me.

There are many similarities to our culture and to Ireland. The differences that I have picked up on so far are very subtle but very real. It seems very risky to try and explain any of what I see because I have been here such a short time and I'm very open to the idea that I do not really understand what I am seeing yet. One thing that I find myself thinking about a lot is this: there is a history here of combat between two sides. The combat has taken place at all levels. It has happened with words, with fists, with guns. Those two sides want peace and they are trying to figure it out. They have succeeded in many ways. But what they still struggle to work out continues to shape their culture. There is conflict in all cultures. But what the conflict is and how God helps one person to develop a heart of compassion for the person they were once told to hate is very personal and very complex. Loyalty and allegiance to family and religion against an enemy is a great deal to let go of. What is so exciting for me to see in yet another culture is that Jesus Christ is excellent and making a way for all of us to let go of how we perceive others and see them through God's eyes instead and to love them as God loves us. This is a miracle.

The particular project that I am on is a good match for me. There are seven of us on our team. We have two leaders and one young adult that are all from Northern Ireland. We have three of us from Texas and one from Colorado. We are joined up with a baptist church plant in southern Ireland. We are in a county called Tipperary. A town called Nenagh is our location. The population is around 8,000 people. We believer there is only one evangelical church in this area and they are it. They are suspected by many to be a cult, so the people open to God are not open to them. Then there is the other problem that I have heard so much about in Western cultures which is that there is a very high percentage of people who are not interested in anything to do with religion. On Thursday I read a four page newspaper article ( I mean four full pages) on matters related to protecting children from the church. So our mission will be to interact with people in this community. We will attempt to show them what it means to be a Christ follower by how we treat them and how we treat each other. It will hopefully have nothing to do with religion. It will have everything to do with how much we know God has loved us and how much we know God loves them. We hope that any curiosity about who we are and why we have come will lead them into relationships with Pastor Matt and others at The Hatchery.

I wish I could say more about my worship experiences here than I will be able to do. I am very afraid anything I would attempt to say would take so much away from what actually happened in my soul. I will say that it is an honor, a privilege and a humbling thing to be invited into a vision or a mission that has been long sought and earnestly prayed for before your arrival. The leaders here are passionately hopeful about what God may do through Project 32. Their prayers and teaching and their worship through song reflect that passion well. It has made an impact on my soul. Other members on the team have acknowledged this out loud to me as well.

On a very personal note the Lord has given me glimpses of why I am here at this time in my journey. Saint Patrick and I seem to have a lot in common. When Ken Castor from Crown College was speaking on Friday night, I was reminded of this. Patrick is a contemplative prayer that I have taken note of before. St. Patrick has written a prayer that is often quoted and it goes something like this: Christ above me, Christ below me, Christ to my right, Christ to my left... It goes on. You can look it up if you'd like to read the whole thing. But basically Patrick was persuaded that if he chose to abide with Christ in prayer that God would help him to reach the people of Ireland. It turns out that leap of faith was correct. For the next seven days I will pray as often as God graces me with the ability to do so and watch God work through me and the rest of the team. It will be one of my greatest joys.

I have serious doubts I will have the time I have had this morning to write again while on this trip. But know that I plan to share more when I can.

Pray for God's Spirit to open the eyes of the blind to his love for them. Thanks.

Ireland

2011-06-26T08:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I have not mentioned a really big deal thing that is happening in my life on this blog yet.

I think that falls under the idea that you don't want to count your chickens before their hatched. And I have never really gotten over the amazement that God has made a way for me to go.

I leave on July 11th and return on the 26th. I am going with a team of 5 leaders and 10 students. We will arrive in Dublin and travel to Belfast. We will be trained and then we will serve the people of Ireland in teams made up of students from lots of different places. So our students will be mixed in with other students from other places. The way things are designed matters to me. So far so good on that front. I think that this will be a very rich and full experience for our whole team.

One of the strengths I offer is flexibility. I have been on enough of these to know that nothing ever goes exactly as planned. You could end up with sheep in the road that need 45 minutes to cross, etc. I really have learned to expect that and actually enjoy rolling with it. But I can be pushed to far... I get tired too. So I've spent some time praying that I will sense that before I say or do something ridiculous. Or that I will be able to say I'm sorry and regroup if it happens. I'd appreciate your prayers for me on this. A calm leader that trusts the twists and turns can provide a lot of security and patience in the rest of the team.

I do not have the gift of evangelism. I have used this as an excuse far more than I like to think about it. I love being with my friends who do not think they have it either but clearly do. Does God come up in every conversation with every person you ever meet? Or almost every person? If the answer is yes, then please know that you have been grace with an amazing gift that not all of us have. I have grown to the place that I at least acknowledge in almost every encounter that God might be up to something. But that doesn't mean I speak up. I sense the Lord wants to stretch me a bit here on this trip.

I have been asking for the Lord to show me a very natural way to enter into a conversation where depending on God might come up fairly easily. I have received the answer to my question. When I have an opportunity to speak one on one with someone from Ireland I think I will bring up the economic crisis that has been splashed all over the news in recent months. This is a challenge for both youth and adults in any culture and it is something that both my personal background and business background give me a lot of perspective on. My faith has been what has given me peace and hope in the midst of what doesn't make much sense in terms of monetary provision.

I am super excited about the youth on this trip and spending time with them. I know some well. I know some from afar. I know some through Matt. I know almost nothing about a couple of them. I know that when I return from these two weeks that I will know all of them in really significant ways. That makes my heart very happy.

We also have a very good team of adult leaders. They all care about the spiritual development of their own lives and more importantly of these students. They all know how important an adventure like this is in developing faith. Some care a lot about safety, for all the nervous parents that is a good thing to know. It will be fun to discover on the trip who had what role for what reason on what day.

If I have access to a computer, I will blog while I am gone. If not, I'll share the blessings of the Land of the Irish when I return.

If you are reading this and you have contributed financially to this trip, please let me say again, Thank You! As the Ireland Team comes to mind please pray for us and the people we are meeting as we go.

This photo of Belfast is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Graduation here we come!

2011-06-06T21:56:00.000-05:00

I am actually feeling very excited and grateful about celebrating this week with Matt. It wont surprise me if these emotions turn on a dime later in the week. But there is plenty of time for feeling sad later. I just want to enjoy the fun of remembering the last eighteen years and dreaming about what is next! We celebrate with friends and family at our church on Friday evening. The ceremony is on Saturday afternoon. Dinner with a few of Matt's closest friends on Sunday evening. That's pretty cool line up of events! Especially when I remember that I was clueless months ago about what would be meaningful ways to celebrate.

I keep remembering that I am extremely blessed. Many Moms at this point in their lives do not have a clue what they will be doing next. That is not my story. I've had the great joy and privilege of investing in the next phase of my life for quite a while now. I'm truly excited about all that is before me. God has done so much, shown me so much and introduced me to so many great people. Life could not be more rich. I really mean that.

One of those things will actually be walking alongside other men and women who are in the discovery process of "what's next" for them.

Another one of those things will be a training program called Selah. I found out in the last few days that I have been accepted. It is in Boston. It is a training program for Spiritual Directors. I will travel there five times over the next two years. There are two other women from the DFW area that will be taking this journey with me. That makes it even better!

Yep... lots of joy going on in this heart tonight. Thank you Lord for that!

One Thousand Gift list for today

2011-05-14T12:58:00.000-05:00

In honor of the book One Thousand Gifts here is my list for this day...

My husband's flight plans to the middle east got cancelled yesterday and so I got to have him home an extra day before he sets off to some far flung place.
My son tells me real things. He risks not pretending with me.
The wildflowers in our neighborhood are simply delightful... so many designs and colors.
People on the walking path said hello.
Prom is tonight and Matt did a great job ordering a corsage! So pretty.
Thankful for all the people who make all those corsages. WoW!
My reflections on the LTML group that finished yesterday. I spent time with two very lovely sisters in Christ.
Blackberries that taste really good.
A podcast where I could have said AMEN very loudly a dozen times. And also had me mulling over a few questions.
Time on the deck with a book recently received from a dear friend.
Plans to see a movie I've wanted to see for weeks now.
I have a envelope with checks to turn in tomorrow. The money for the Ireland trip in July has been raised.
The friends I miss. I wish I could transport them all here to my dining room table right now to tell them I miss them and asking them how they are doing in person.
The gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ and the presence of God in and around my life.

What are you thankful for this day?

When I am 75...

2011-05-01T18:25:00.000-05:00

When I am 75, how will people be responding to my words?

This thought occurred to me more than once during this weekend. Jill Briscoe came to speak to the women of our church and our guests on Friday and Saturday. I have heard Jill speak many times before. And as much as I try not to have high expectations about anything anymore... those things usually get me into trouble. I did have high expectations for this weekend and they were more than exceeded.

What I notice about Jill this weekend.The older she gets the more revelatory she gets. She tells stories that Stuart her husband still tells her she might not want to tell. She makes mistakes. The Lord shows her she has made a mistake. She listens. She discovers in her heart why she did what part of her did not want to do. She trusts the Lord for another go at it with Him absent of fear.

She notices so much. She notices the world and then lessons found there. She notices the connections between the world she observes and the God she adores and trusts.

She admits that sometimes she must learn to listen to her own teaching. To follow the advice that she is giving to others. And she knows the humility that is required to admit this is sometimes so very hard to do.

She admits that she has been ruled by fear and worry. She has been on a life long quest to choose faith, to choose to sit with God about the places where she does not trust. She has learned how to cope and take action against what could and has defeated her.

She has learned to see with the Eyes of Heaven. When she sees this way it often inspires poetry. It kind of bursts out of her.

She began as a street preacher. What a joy to hear the sound in her voice when she remembers those days. As God would have it, there have been other venues for her preaching but she loves most speaking to those who know they need God and need no persuasion for that part of her wisdom. To this day she finds herself in those kinds of places very often. And yet, thank the Lord she has been brought in places like ours where some are not so aware of their deep need for God in absolutely every way. Her stories which demonstrates her own deep need for a surrendered life help others others to see their need. God has placed her in dangerous and outrageous situations, what God does there opens our eyes to the missed opportunities and the ridiculousness of being so careful where we live.

Once again, I am irritated by my cultures passion for safety and its effects on me. I play it to safe and try to call it wisdom. This will not change in me apart for the work of grace in my life. I know this for sure. It is not simply a matter of making a decision and knowing instant change.

Somehow all of this is connected to the trip to Ireland that is coming up for me. That both scares and thrills me. Will I surrender? Will I trust God in radical ways for me in that environment? Will I even be able to see the opportunities to trust and step out in faith? Will I follow God where I sense He is leading me? I will pray that I will do with His help. I will ask others to pray for me.

I also received significant encouragement about how I handle the after moments when I teach. There should be a whole semester in seminary spent on that. I probably need to talk with my Spiritual Director about it this next month. I left the second workshop with significant negative emotions. I asked God for help. The fast answer was in Jill's talk that followed immediately. "God did not ask us to be good and successful.", Jill said. 'He asked us to be good and faithful." That helped me see what was causing all the negative emotions. Then at the end of the night God allowed a conversation and prayer time with one of the participants that completed the answer to my prayers. I have so much to learn! I am grateful God shows me that He is very interested in teaching me.

If God gives me 75 years, how will people be responding to my words?

I hope they will say. She trusts God. She loves God. She has committed her life to faithfulness and surrender. It blows me away what God does with that. I think I'll ask God to help me do the same in every relationship and circumstance God gives me.

Mama

2011-04-21T20:32:00.001-05:00

I love it when Matt calls me Mama. It's a nickname for me that he uses when he needs something from me or he is in a good mood and wants to say thank you.

Matt is eighteen now and getting ready to launch into the next phase of his life. People have been asking me how I'm doing with that. I am living in a very bittersweet season.

I am genuinely excited for the path that is set before him. I am confident that he is following the Lord's leading. I'm very hopeful that he will love college life. I'm excited about the role I will play in encouraging him through the transition. That is all the sweet parts!

Bitter seems like to drastic of a word. But sad does not. There are very sad parts of all this to me. He is choosing to go out of state, so he wont be two hours away. There is so much I will miss about his presence in our home. When he is content with life: he is kind, helpful, cheerful and a great person to be in a conversation with. I will miss knowing that when I am tired that I will have that young energy to turn to for help. I will miss how excited he can get about the things he cares about! I will miss knowing his church leaders and mentors. I will miss being a part of the same somethings... the same community, the same school, the same church and the same vacation destination. :)

I will miss him. It will take time to adjust. I will be very sad for me some days and I will be just so happy for him on others! I don't really see this season ending anytime soon.

Things I've added to this blog...

2011-03-30T21:44:00.000-05:00

I finally have taken the time to do a little updating around here.

Under "Places to go and people to see...", I have added two links. One is to my Shelfari account. It is a website that allows me to display the books that I have read, the ones I am currently reading and the ones I plan to read in the future.

The second new link is labeled One Life Letters. At this link you will find a blog that is associated with the workshops and retreats that I lead. This blog consists of posts from many different people. If you have done the Listen To My Life Maps you may find these blog entries a good way to remain engaged in the Listen To My Life thought process. If you have not but are considering the maps, you may find these blog entries helpful towards making a decision.

An Ignatian Prayer that has blessed me

2011-03-18T09:01:00.000-05:00

Eternal Lord and King of all creation, humbly I come before you. I am moved by your grace and offer myself to you and to your work. I deeply desire to be with you accepting all wrongs and rejections and all poverty, both actual and spiritual-- I deliberately choose this, if it is for your greater service and praise.

Lord Jesus,
Help me to know you, to love you, to follow you
Help alleviate my fears and fan the embers of trust within me
Give me the strength to say yes to your invitations
the courage to continue my journey with you
Remind me that you are
the Way
the Truth
the Life
and apart from you there is no life
but with you
and you alone
is fullness of life,
everlasting.

Amen

Good questions

2011-03-17T21:43:00.000-05:00

I have been learning how to be a good listener. One of the best clues I have gotten has been to not judge people while they are talking but instead to listen with wonder. Thinking in terms of wonder while I am listening makes it much easier for me to really pay attention to what is being said. I wonder what it is like to be...

Very few people really want you to offer them an opinion. What I also think is interesting about that is very few people actually need my opinion. The opinion we need is the Lord's thoughts and guidance. It seems that as the issue at hand is discussed that often the answer is discovered by the speaker. Sometimes when you listen well. people will invite you to probe with them into new territory. Again not taking control of the conversation but just going where they need to go to discover what they need to discover. Maybe it's wisdom or perspective or hope or how to love.

Sometimes these conversations have an obvious end. There is no more humanly speaking to talk about. There will be no more benefit from talking. And that is my favorite time to then bow our heads and hearts and pray together. To thank God for any help that has come in the conversation and to give up to Him the yet undiscovered answers.

Now that I've been listening to a lot of different people for a while, I am starting to hunger for the ability to ask good or helpful questions. That will be the next focus of my training in listening.

Still realizing that just because you've thought of a good question you may need to wait to ask it somewhere down the line.

I really do think the world would be a better more loving place if there is an increase in good listeners in the world.

To all of you who have spent your time listening to me to help me grow in faith, hope and love... thank you!

Irish Blessing

2011-03-09T18:09:00.000-06:00

May you always have work for your hands to do
May your pockets hold always a coin or two
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain
May the hand of a friend always be near you
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you
- Irish Blessing

Traveling without ever leaving my desk

2011-02-09T17:42:00.000-06:00

I listen to a series of lectures from a church planting conference and two different sermons today. So I'm thinking about a lot of different things right now.

While I type this I am in my office watching the sunset. The clouds are floating by quickly so the sunset is changing quickly. The soft light of sunset is something I never grow tired of. There is something so soothing about this time of the day when I take the time to stop and enjoy it.

It has put me in the mood to ponder memorable thoughts from what I listened to today...

Going from a Movement to an Institution
The thought to ponder from this lecture was this. On a spectrum, am I more currently more a part of a movement of God or an institution created by God? I think I have both going on around me. I'm involved with more than one set of believers. I prefer movements. But I respect our need for institutions. The speaker was describing how at the beginning of something new you are largely in a movement of God among a group of people inspired to sacrifice and love one another. Then life with people happens. Something goes poorly. Chaos ensues. A group of people sits down to figure out how to deal with the problem. The problem may be small or it may be big. When a decision is made and acted upon. A piece of the movement has just become an institution.

He argued for why institutions are necessary. They were good arguments. But he also said that there will come a time when the institution is doing more harm than good and a revival or rebirth will need to occur it will swing back towards being more of a movement again. That isn't the only option for what might happen in my opinion but it's certainly the one I like the best.

The Gospel of Peace
The next recording was a sermon on Peace. The peace of the gospel. In it he argued that some people know peace because they choose to ignore anything that makes them anxious. Then he did a beautiful job of walking through the passage on peace from Philippians 4. "Be anxious for nothing but with... As people who trust Jesus Christ with their lives we have other options than to try to ignore what makes us anxious. We are given courage to acknowledge the uncertainties that life will bring. We have the opportunity to pray with thankful hearts and instead of trusting in blind ignorance that comes with a shallow sense of peace. We get a promise of rock solid guardianship of our minds and hearts by the master of the universe who brings peace beyond our ability to describe to another. Sometimes the peace is so amazing other people, ironically, will be tempted to believe you are in denial.

I am watching a friend let the peace of Christ rule in her life. My faith is greater because of it. It makes me feel sad to think of all the people who don't believe God wants to be there for them in this way. They don't even try out a simple prayer blended up with an attitude of hopeful thanksgiving. They miss out on having access to what is Eternal in their very temporary circumstances.

Spiritual Gifts
Since I had an unexpected ice day, I also had time to listen to yet another sermon. Last Sunday, I got to deal with leaky pipe issues. This meant waiting on a plumber to arrive at my home. So I decided to log on and listen to last Sunday's sermon. It was on the topic of Spiritual Gifts. Our pastor Steve asked people to text him with their gifts and how they discovered what they are. I wondered what I would have sent if I had gotten that text. I love to teach. I love to encourage. I love to believe God. Sometimes I think the Spirit of God moves me to do those things in a measure that feels united with God and supernatural to me and not just my personality being demonstrated. Sometimes I am told that how I explain things helps people to understand. Sometimes I am told that what I express gives courage where there was once fear. Sometimes I believe God for what is unreasonable and miraculous.

I have walked around all over the place today. My soul needed it. I am thankful for another ice day. I hope we don't have another one anytime soon. :)

Standing at the plate

2011-02-03T20:33:00.000-06:00

Life is fragile.

Love is required.

Love doesn't happen without God.

These are the thoughts running through me. But there is more than these words. How do I feel? Well the experience that came to mind when I asked myself that question is this. I am a little girl standing at the plate. I'm playing baseball with a group of friends. I am scared to death. Will I be able to hit the ball? There is a feeling that comes with that moment. You feel so vulnerable. You desire so much to succeed. You want to succeed to avoid the shame of failure. But even more than that you want to succeed to be a part of a team. To be apart of something bigger than just you. You know how great it will be if you smack that ball hard. You know how sad it will be if you swing.... and you miss.

How is all this connected. I'm not totally sure yet. But it is connected. Love is risky. It places you in a very vulnerable position. It requires faith in the God who is the source of love. Sometimes I am aware that God is calling me to love. And I fell like that little girl. Grabbing the bat in faith. Walking to the plate in faith. Standing there and waiting and praying that God will speak when it is time for us to swing and not knowing the outcome.

Jesus said, "Apart from me, you can do nothing."
Jesus said, "Follow me."

Diane Rose - What a great story!

2011-01-25T08:52:00.001-06:00

My friend Paula sent me a link to this video! I love every word of it! I wish Diane lived around the corner from me. I'd be inviting her to every Listen to My Life event to share her story in person! Click on her name and you'll see what I mean!

Diane Rose - The Amazing Quilter

Give to God

2011-01-16T18:01:00.000-06:00

Romans 12

A Living Sacrifice to God

¹ And so, dear brothers and sisters,^[a] I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.^[b] ² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (NLT)

I got to thinkin'. I like it when that happens.

I think it is a big deal that the body is mentioned in these two verses. I think humans are tempted for some reason to think as the gnostics thought. We seem to want to separate ourselves into pieces. I understand the Hebrews in Old Testament times did not think this way and I wonder if this is the influence of God on their culture. Are people tempted to have a gnostic view of life? (flesh is bad, spirit is good) I think they are. To me, this verse speaks against that. I increasingly believe that all of who we are is intended to be worshipers of God. I have found it a lot easier to relate to God since I have started paying attention to all of who I am.

I also believe it is fair to say that we will default to what we know and trust. Or, we conform to what/who we know and trust. Paul is asking us to believe that if we place our faith in Father, Son and Holy Spirit we will have to believe differently than we did before. We will need to believe differently about everything. A major part of that journey means we will have to learn to think differently.

I think it's fair to say that most people are so conformed by their environments that they don't even realize they do not think as God thinks. Most people do a lot of work to get God to say what they want God to say. They start with the culture instead of assuming their culture has it backwards/upside down. This is where listening to God and surrendering to God comes in. When the Holy Spirit starts the process of teaching one of His children a new way of seeing there are baby steps along the way, opportunities to retreat back into old ways of understanding or choose to trust God with new ways of understanding. The new ways are God's will.

God wills that we not worry but instead trust Him
God wills that we are not independent but dependent on Him
God wills that we are not greedy but that we are compassionate to others as He is to us.

I listen to Christians as they discuss their lives. So often they don't even recognize that they are worried, trying to do it on their own and greedy to get "the best that life has to offer".

There is something about the willingness to give your life away (offering) to God that helps you to see better, to be more likely to have faith and then depend on God. When you do, God changes you. Praise God!!!!

I do think these are verses on obedience. God wants us to live lives that say, "I get it." I get that willfully doing my own thing is self-destructive and disrespectful and unwise and arrogant and... In view of all that you have revealed to me about who you are and what you have come to offer me I am going to respond to you by yielding (offering up my life) to you. When I choose that life I am going to realize that that is a life that worships you and therefore glorifies you. When I do all that, I will actually understand and appreciate what is good for me. I will know what it is to be pleased with my life. I will know a completeness (perfect) when others around me are saying they are discontent and unsatisfied. It will all be because I trusted myself to You.

So I hope, for all of us, that we will be persuaded by what God has done for us, and then give ourselves to God and trust Him with the outcome.

2011

2011-01-07T08:50:00.000-06:00

Be sorrowed by sin.

Be amazed by the grace, love and mercy of God.

Share both with others.

Wouldn't it be fun if...

2010-12-16T21:14:00.000-06:00

The other night I was with a group of women. We were talking about how quickly December flies by. We were talking about the ideas that come to mind to do. There was recognition and acceptance that you do them if you can and you do not if you can not. So many ideas can not be done.

One of the women said quietly (I'm not even sure how many others heard her say it), "Wouldn't it be fun if we had time to share with each other what some of those things are?"

I've been wondering what my answer would be to that question. I've decided that if I had endless amounts of time in December, I would sit down and write a bunch of hand written letters. I would start with the stack of Christmas letters that are on my kitchen table from friends who live out of town. I would respond to the things they have shared. I would express joy over the fun and exciting events of 2010. I would share in their sorrows and do what I could to help them be hopeful for 2011. Then I would sit and see who comes to mind. Who has made a difference in my life in 2010? As those people came to mind I would write them a note telling them what I remember about the encounter/s we had. The fireplace would be lit along with the Christmas tree. Either a vanilla or cinnamon candle would be burning.

There are ways that my life does not feel extremely wealthy. But in the area of friendship, I am awed by the abundance I know there. I have risked much in the way of friendship. I have been blessed beyond measure. Compound interest works in relationships too!

I may not get to sit and write letters this December, but I hope writing this little blog entry will help me to be more mindful about meaningfully saying thank you along the way in 2011.

Humility-Sin

2010-12-08T10:14:00.000-06:00

One morning in the last ten days. I woke up hard pressed on every side. Not a great way to start the day. I could not shake the thoughts and feelings that were pressing in. I have given a great deal of thought and prayer time to the topic of sin recently. This is not a pleasant topic to contemplate. I was more than a little irritated that I could not simply decide I was done thinking about it and turn my mind off to it on that day. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not.

In an effort to avoid making everyone's day miserable, I headed to my office to spend some focused time talking with God about it.

I have been asking some questions about grace. It is not possible to understand the vastness of the grace of God without being laid low by the reality of sin. Sin in my life. Sin in the life of others around me. The interaction of sin on each other. Once again God was not rescuing me from the ugliness of something I really did need to see, to be touched by and even hopeless in for a time.

I realized in the conversation with the Lord that I was not capable of grasping what God was trying to show me. I needed help. I spent some time in Romans and then I thought about a book that came to mind when I first entered the room. I picked it up. The title of the next chapter was Humility-Sin. Not even making that up. A glimmer of hope appeared as I started to read the pages.

These are some of the thoughts I have after reading through this chapter. When our eyes are opened to sin we have choices. Will we react to sin with sin? Will we self-justify and self-preserve? Or, will we believe there is another way provided by Christ? Will we choose humility? The life of Christ or Grace makes humility a possible option. Part of why I was troubled earlier in the day because I was very aware I had not responded to sin well. I am surrounded by people who do the same thing. It was all feeling rather impossible. Sin is very common and grace is very uncommon. But as I prayed through all of this, I was seeing and believing that Jesus does make it possible to make a different choice than the norm. To choose humility and grace in the face sin is possible. When surrendering to faith in Christ is chosen, God is proven marvelously truthful, effective in the face of sin and hope is returned. God is recognized and glorified. Grace and humility truly are radically different from the norm.

The whole conversation felt simultaneously very big and very pointed. What am I going to do with all this when I walk out of this room? I asked God this question. The thought that came was to say in my mind the word Grace the next time I was confronted with my own sin or the sin of another. I was hopeful that this choice would in some small and yet sacred way invite all the vastness of what I was learning to be effective in a very pointed and needed way.

I also had the thought, when I crossed the threshold out of my office, that this truth would tested. It was.

What is Spiritual Direction?

2010-11-28T16:23:00.000-06:00

During Thanksgiving week, I came across one of the best descriptions of Spiritual Direction. I read it in a book: The Art of Pastoring - Ministry without all the Answers by David Hansen

Here is an excerpt from Chapter 10 on Leadership:

"Leadership in friendship: Spiritual Direction
In my pastoral friendships I do spiritual direction. Spiritual Direction is a friendship around spiritual matters which is mutual in love but single direction in its focus upon the spiritual walk of one of the parties. As the spiritual director I am the one who listens, paying attention for the work of God in that person's life, and then I point to it.

The difference between spiritual direction and evangelism is that in evangelism my goal is to give a testimony, while in spiritual direction my goal is to hear a testimony. In evangelism I pray for the opportunity to share the good news, while in spiritual direction I try to help the person understand what happened when he or she received the good news, and what the good news means in his or her life now. Spiritual direction is not an attempt to find faith or create faith; it is an attempt to understand faith. Spiritual direction is faith seeking understanding.

But it is faith seeking understanding in the most specific and personal sense. Spiritual direction is not jawing about theology. It is not discussion about a theological object of faith. It is an intense search in the specific person's life for the Living Subject of faith already at work-- looking for that work, pointing to that work so that the directee can participate in God's work, so that he or she can live in active covenant with God in everyday life.

Most Christians like to theologize. Almost any Christian will be happy to give an opinion of what Jesus meant when he said, "Enter through the narrow gate." Far fewer will come and ask what it means specifically for them to enter through the narrow gate.

The difference between abstract theological discussion with a parishioner and spiritual direction is like the difference between talking about fishing and going fishing. I hasten to add that there is nothing wrong with talking about fishing! But it sure doesn't take long to sort out the people who just like to talk about fishing from those who really fish. Some people don't like getting wet. Nor does it take long in a theological discussion to discern if people just like to talk theology or if they desperately wish to live theologically.

In any case, the best possible analogy to a spiritual director is a fishing guide. The best fishing guides and the best spiritual directors have a lot in common.

It goes without saying that a fishing guide needs to know the skills of fly fishing and needs to know how to teach the skills of fly fishing. A client may know a lot about fly choice, casting, line mending and reading in the water; the client my well be another fishing guide! In fact, I've learned that the best fishing guides allow themselves to be guided by another fishing guide on occasion, to learn new skills and new water and to break out of ruts. Or the client may know almost nothing about fly fishing. In either case, all through the process of guiding, the fishing guide is teaching." pgs. 155 & 156

I believe there is a need for this kind of leadership. I have needed it in my own life. I have been blessed to be the recipient of it. It has come to me in both formal and informal settings. It is a conversation I now offer to others. It is a privilege to do so.

During this Thanksgiving week, I am thankful that I came across this description. I also love that he chose fly fishing as his analogy. It's on my list of things to learn down the road.

Shadow Meal

2010-11-20T22:54:00.000-06:00

I have been devouring books lately.

I have questions about a lot of things. One of the topics I have questions about is the Lord's Supper. It doesn't seem like many other people have questions about this. I don't remember it ever coming up in conversation with anyone else. But I'm certain there are meanings there that are yet undiscovered for me. I've thought that for a couple of years now.

When I went to Southern California to visit I met up with the Director of the Fuller Campus I attended. We had a GREAT conversation! I had brought him a gift and he did not want me to walk away empty handed. As we were saying goodbye he remembered that he had one more copy of a book he had recently published. Shadow Meal by Mike McNichols. We're friends on facebook. I noticed when this book was published. I hadn't purchased it yet. I was grateful to receive it.

Turns out he has had some of the same questions that I have had. He had taken time to really think through them and make observations about them. It was comforting to know I'm not the only one that things about these things.

I shed a few tears and laughed outloud many times. I get his sense of humor.

So if you have quesitons about the Lord's Supper and the living it our part, don't hesitate to check it out on amazon. If you live close by... as always you are welcome to borrow my copy.

Random Act of Culture - Philadelphia

2010-11-19T21:49:00.000-06:00

I'm a little surprised how thankful I am for this video. But it is true, I am thankful.

Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Click here!

To hide or not to hide...

2010-11-04T08:33:00.000-05:00

This is what I realized today.

I've been hiding. Some relationships have that affect on me.

What would I be like if I was free to depend on God in every relationship I have rather than being self protective in some?

I think I'd be more mature in Christ. I think I'd be less controlled by fear. I think I'd be better a loving other people.

I'll be giving those things some more thought.

Matt and KSU

2010-09-26T21:58:00.001-05:00

So we got some pretty exciting news around here not to long ago!

Last January at a thing we call the "No Agenda Retreat" I was getting to know one of the other High School Chaperon moms. We were appreciating the friendship our sons were developing and got onto the topic of colleges.

Her son is a year older than Matt. She mentioned that her son, Wes, was planning to go to Kansas State and mostly because of their Army ROTC program. My reaction was really?! I went on to tell her that I was the first generation to abandon ship on KSU. Many of my relatives graduated from Kansas State. I remember thinking wouldn't it be funny if Matt got interested in KSU because of a friend. There was a part of me that was a little sad that KSU wasn't going to be the right school for me when I was 17 years old.

Well one conversation leads to another and Matt just got his acceptance letter to Kansas State University a couple of weeks ago!

It is funny to me what God uses to prepare you for what is coming. Shortly after we moved back to Texas, Greensburg, KS was wiped out by a huge tornado. I watched interviews of the people from the community and surrounding communities. It brought back many great memories. Memories of growing up with salt of the earth, heart of gold type people that Kansas has a reputation for having. I was very sentimental about it in a way that I had not been for a long time. I remember watching as many new stories as I could find on the internet. Then a year or two later, I caught on the Planet Green channel that they were producing a weekly documentary on the rebuilding of Greensburg as a "green community". From time to time they brought in different college teams from KSU and KU to compete on projects etc. I was impressed by the young adults featured in those stories. Interesting...

Some people in Texas struggle to understand why we would be so excited that Matt is headed off to Manhattan, KS to go to school. That's okay. It has only made it more obvious to me what a God thing this whole interest by Matt in KSU has been. It is a great fit for Matt is so many wonderful ways. It is sad to say but true that there were times when I was tempted to think Matt's future was doomed if he wasn't in the top 8% of his class. That kind of thinking would have been a complete waste of time and energy. By the grace of God, we largely avoided it.

We and other members of Matt's family have prayed consistently from the time he was 3 years old for his education. Without a doubt we have seen God direct us every year. When all is said and done we will have done private school, homeschooling and public school. I am happy to give God all the credit for showing us what, where, when and with whom. I certainly was not smart enough to figure it out on my own!

The Love of God

2010-09-26T21:32:00.000-05:00

So the Love of God has been popping up as a topic everywhere I turn. For instance...

I'm studying 1 John with a group of women on Tuesday nights and the Love of God is a strong theme in that book.

I'm working through a book called Journey with Jesus. The first quarter of the book focuses on the Love of God.

At church we've been singing songs that stress the Love of God.

A book I picked up this afternoon that I hadn't been reading for at least a month began with a chapter title called "From Fear to Love".

The section of a book called Soul Cravings that I started this weekend had the title "Love Lost and Abandoned"

I've realized this week that I have been strongly motivated by fear, performance, wisdom, desire to avoid pain and shame.

What would life be like if I was first and primarily motivated by the love of God?

For years I have been in the question... What would life be like if I trusted God? I think there is a possibility that the focus is shifting from trust to love. I think its pretty cool that so much time was spent on the issue of trust. It makes more sense to me than ever that we did spend so much time there. I am both overwhelmed and excited about what will happen in my life (over time) if the love of God is more deeply embraced and understood and then shared.

In the next nine months, I will be held in that conversation by different commitments I have already made. I am grateful.

Spinning

2010-09-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

My head is spinning!

So many things I have been waiting for I am not longer waiting for. There is a green light. We have passed Go! And may even collect $200.00.

Waiting really was necessary.

Green lights really were needed.

Not a day early or a day late.

Waiting is not for cowards.

Trusting God and depending on God in the middle of the green lights isn't either.

Waiting without bitterness is some of the best training ground on the planet.

Stunted Shrub or Thriving Tree

2010-08-25T08:01:00.000-05:00

Wisdom from the Lord (via Jeremiah)

This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
who rely on human strength
and turn their hearts away from the Lord.
They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
in an uninhabited salty land.

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit.

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?
But I, the Lord, search all hearts
and examine secret motives.
I give all people their due rewards,
according to what their actions deserve.”

These words paint a very telling picture of the difference between trusting in God and trusting in the human heart.

It is interesting to consider the difference between these words and words written under the new covenant. I've got some questions related to the difference between the old covenant and the new covenant that I will be pondering once again.

(Jeremiah 17, NLT)

Catching up with Rob.

2010-08-24T21:38:00.000-05:00

My husband gave me a Barnes & Nobles card for my birthday. So as we were checking out the shelves, I was looking for a book that I just wanted to read. Of late, I've been reading books that other people would like me to read or because they are helpful in training me for the kinds of ministries I am involved in. As I was looking through the selves I came across a book written by Rob Bell. It's called: Jesus Wants to Save Christians. The title made me smile. Another provacative title by Rob. So, decision made. I walked to the counter and bought the book.

I got home on Friday and read it.

As the title would indicate, the book is thought provoking. One of the themes in it is this: What does God do with civiliazations that take power and use it against their own people? What does God do with civilizations that ignore Him?

I really wish a lot more Christians would read and consider books like this one and think about what he is saying. I am under no illusion that most people would agree with him. I just think it would be good for most Chrisitans to consider whether or not he has something important to say.

Moving in a different direction...

2010-08-24T21:22:00.000-05:00

I am writing this entry because on the 1st of August I made mention of a three year Spiritual Direction training program that I am in. And I explained why I was looking forward to starting Year Two in September.

Four days after that entry, I was introduced to new information about the program. After two weeks of prayer and conversation with many people, I have decided not to return in September.

I feel obligated to give an update here since I had asked for prayer in the prior blog entry.

I'm not comfortable sharing the reasons for my decision in this format.

My new prayer request is that if I am to participate in Spiriutal Direction training that the Lord will direct me to a place that is a good fit for me and provide the resources for the both the program and any travel it may involve. I'm in no hurry to make any decisions.

I'm a mutt.

2010-08-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

I am a mutt on so many levels. Pick a northern European country and I am related to somebody there. I'm also protestant mutt. Here is the list of churches I have attended in my life time.

Church of God
Presbyterian
Friends
Free Methodist
United Methodist
Episcopal
Non denominational
Pentecostal
Christian Missionary Alliance
Fellowship Bible
Crossroads Bible
American Baptist
Crossroads Bible

How that has happened is a long story and I couldn't be happier about being a mutt. It's been an adventure. I really resist conversations where there is focus on differences that just don't matter to me.

What does matter to me has come sharply into focus through recent events. These events have nothing to do with my church home. Trying to sort out my reaction took me back to the Apostle's Creed and the Nicene Creed.

In case you've never read either of them or it has been a while, here is one of them:

Nicene Creed

I believe in one God,
the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
and of all things visible and invisible;

And in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the only begotten Son of God,
begotten of his Father before all worlds,
God of God, Light of Light,
very God of very God,
begotten, not made,
being of one substance with the Father;
by whom all things were made;
who for us men and for our salvation
came down from heaven,
and was incarnate by the Holy Ghost
of the Virgin Mary,
and was made man;
and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered and was buried;
and the third day he rose again
according to the Scriptures,
and ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of the Father;
and he shall come again, with glory,
to judge both the quick and the dead;
whose kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Ghost the Lord, and Giver of Life,
who proceedeth from the Father [and the Son];
who with the Father and the Son together
is worshipped and glorified;
who spake by the Prophets.
And I believe one holy catholic and apostolic Church;
I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins;
and I look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. AMEN.

Sitting with these words and some scripture passages where Jesus explains in his own words who He is have been incredibly helpful.

I'm praying that I will honor the Lord and the people I'm having these conversations with by expressing myself with both love and truthfulness. I'm praying a lot for wisdom to be known.

From Summer to Year Two

2010-08-01T08:06:00.000-05:00

Every week of summer has been different from the last. I like that about summer. Then I grow a bit weary of it and I'm ready for the predictablity of a weekly schedule.

We have three weeks left of this summer. We've been trying all summer to figure out a time and way for the three of us to get to Southern California. Yesterday we made a final decision. It's not going to happen this summer. I'm not done being bummed about that. But I'm hopeful I'll be able to fly out in the fall. More details coming on that later.

Matt will be focused on Music Camp this week. Then the last two weeks of summer will be a mixture of the things that haven't gotten done yet.

I will be focused on leading another Listen To My Life group. All women this time. And all women who I have never met before. I'm grateful for this surprise open door.

Then the "Fall" will begin. It will be 90 plus degress but we'll still use the word fall.

I've mentioned before that I'm in a Spiritual Direction training program. It will take three years to complete. This September I begin Year Two. Year One consisted of coming together and praying on Thursday nights and then sharing with one another what we experienced, learned or what is unresolved with the Lord. There was a part of me that wanted to skip Year One and go directly to Year Two. Most of the prayer practices listed were ones I had already participated in or were familiar with. But of course I got way more out of the times of praying and then listening to the other members of the group speak about their prayer lives than I ever thought I would gain. I'm sure skipping Year One is never an option. But I discovered that it would have been a mistake to try.

Year Two changes up the pattern. We will be spending a significant amount of time daily praying on our own. The purpose of Thursday evenings will be to share with one another what is happening as result of our time in prayer. Intimidated is a word that describes how I feel about this next year. Expectant is another. I think I will learn more about abiding and experience more abiding than I have to date. I think I will encounter challenges that will be hard to bear at times. But I'm hopeful that a changing mind and heart will be obviously worth the difficulties of the committment.

Year Two also includes to more significant changes. The first is to resign as many leadership roles as possible for one year and to refrain from leading anything new. Second is to read the Word of God and a handful of assigned books. To limit other reading to "only what is necessary". Yikes.

I might be inviting friends to coffee just so they can tell me what they are reading about. :)

Most people think this is extreme. It is extreme in a culture of "doers". The point of this year is to focus on learning about "being". Doing is easier for me.

If I come to mind to pray for in the next year. There is probably a very good reason for that. I'd appreciate your prayers.

Live. Serve. Change Everything

2010-07-23T09:24:00.000-05:00

At Crossroads Bible Church, I participated in Mid School Mission week. We had more than 50 kids plus their leaders going to a handful of locations throughout Dallas and Ft. Worth. The teams served in different ways. My group spent most of our time at a food bank that covers 13 counties in North Texas and also did projects at the church property.

First of all, I owe all of our Mid School Kids an apology. I underestimated them by a long shot!

When I first got wind that Charlie was planning on doing this my first thought was cool! My next thought was who on earth has programs where they are willing and interested in allowing Mid School kids to come serve.

I wanted to help, but it wasn't until mid June that I realized I was going to be able to.

I had coffee with Charlie to ask some questions and just listen to what he had put together! It was an inspiring conversation. He had no doubts about what the kids were capable of doing.

The team of parents and youth that stepped up and helped with this were awesome! A very enjoyable team to be a part of!

Over and over again, I heard leaders saying my kids are really getting along well and working well together. Common purpose is a great bonding agent.

Charlie (our Mid School Director) spent some time conversing with and then teaching to the kids in the evenings. He is both a good listener and a good teacher. It's hard to know how much difference those times will make in the kids lives. So, for any parents reading this... please send Charlie an email or have a conversation with him about what you notice has changed in your kid's perspectives. Some of the comments they were making during the large group conversations were very very good thoughts!

Last but not least, a shout out needs to go to North Texas Food Bank. I have tons of respect for what they are doing and for how they are doing it. If you are looking for a way to serve with a group of friends or a corporate event, don't even hesitate to contact them. Mike, Doris, Mario and Brandon were excellent teachers and helped us accomplish a lot. A conservative estimate of how many meals got put together by CBC kids is 35,000. Seriously! And the kids got that it was a big deal and were amazed by how much could be accomplished by pulling together.

As kids were leaving, one young lady with the biggest smile on her face said, "Hey Charlie, when I came here I didn't know anybody in the 6th grade. Now I know EVERYBODY!" Joy.

I haven't been as tired as I got in a very long time. But I also know that every ounce of energy expended was worth it! God provided strength, energy and abundant love for the kids and the events of each day!

If you were tempted to get involved this year but for whatever reason were not able to. Don't even hesitate to get involved next year!!!!

To those of you who prayed for me and for the other leaders, kids and the lives of people we touched...THANK YOU!!! AMEN. (mm hmmmm)

Surrender

2010-07-08T10:47:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the word surrender. Not an easy topic to think about.

I do not like surrender, submission, trust, letting go. So sometimes I get close to some thinking and feeling related to surrender that is really important and then I run the other direction for a time.

I think about things like what chores I need to get done around the house or something that needs to be organized or chase rabbit trails on the internet.

But, I'm in one of those situations when the word keeps popping up everywhere. So while I run from thinking about it, for a time, the invitation to return keeps happening.

What is surrender?
Are there themes to the process?
Is it radically individual?
Is is harder for some than others?
If so why?
If it's easier for some what is equally hard for them?
How does prayer help?
What experiences with God help?
What truths revealed in scripture and in life have really helped me to surrender?
Why have some areas of my life gotten better on this topic and others seem almost untouched?
Besides running, when I get overwhelmed with the word surrender... what else am I doing to prevent the process from taking place?
What do my words have to do with my ability to surrender or not surrender?
What steps of obedience are going to be inevitable if I stop running and submit instead?
Why didn't God make surrendering easy for me to do?

If I am in a service anytime soon that starts to sing, "I surrender all". I might have to pray instead of sing.

My song should be something more like, "I want to be persuaded by God to even want to surrender all."

I realize this is sounding a little glass half empty. I do feel that way. I do know enough about surrender, to know that it is essential for truly living. I also know enough about it to know, that it is not what I want to do when I'm doing whatever the heck I want to do. This internal conflict is one of the greatest sources of tension in my life.

Since, the Lord doesn't seem interested in letting this word drop off my current landscape... sigh... there must be something important and intentional going on. Maybe even something life changing. Well, finally a glass half full thought. Maybe it will help keep me from running. :)

Bo's Cafe

2010-07-03T09:51:00.000-05:00

Bo's Cafe

This is a book I read on vacation. If you would have trouble letting go of the literary critic in you to read the book for it's intended message, then you probably shouldn't bother reading it.

But basically it's about a guy whose personal life is falling apart and his professional life is in jeopardy too.

God allows him to be reconnected with a man from his past. That connection leads to some perspective changing conversations in a variety of places. One of those places is called Bo's Cafe.

We've done a lot of talking about the benefits of Coffee Shop conversations and Pub ministries in Christian ministry books, magazines and seminars. I enjoyed reading a fiction book that used that kind of environment as the setting for the story.

The two themes I got from the book are that real change happens when people really want to end the misery of staying the same. The start to believe there some things about their faith in God they haven't figured out yet.

Real help comes from those who have walked a similar path and crossed through the light at the end of the tunnel ahead of them.

My personal dream of having a coffee/book store around here is motivated by these two themes. For now I'll keep taking up low rent spots (price of a cup of coffee) at the Corner Bakery, Aperitivos (Ap's for short), and Barnes and Noble.

Thanks Darlene for recommending the book. :)

Refreshment

2010-06-29T16:35:00.001-05:00

Yes, I was on a break. I didn't really know I was going to take a break until I just did it.

Weeks ago I was very weary. There were many things contributing to that. Some self imposed and others are related to how I spend my time investing in other people.

I found myself, giving myself, the kind of advice that I either want to give to pastors or do give to pastors.

The normal routes of becoming refreshed in everyday life just weren't having the same affect/effect. (I never know which one to use. Please feel free to enlighten me in a comment. :) )

I am very happy to report spending a week with the Lord, my family and some great friends has done a great deal to bring refreshment. We were in a gorgeous area and home in Southern Colorado. I can't explain it. Unless you have a place that does the same thing for you, you probably wouldn't understand it. But being in the mountains, it changes me.

When I got back home I wasn't really ready to get back into the swing of things. There are some "get it done around the house" stuff that I wanted to do. That gave me some more time "away".

We were blessed with a couple of significant provisions in the last couple of weeks as well. I am still on the look for a job that fits. But the need is no longer immediate. We are watching, waiting and praying.

We totaled our car on vacation. Deer ran in front of us at 75 miles per hour. It was not our day to "go home" or get seriously injured. That is taking some time to process. We were provided with another deal on another very good and dependable car in six months time. We bought the Nissan back in December. Really big deal kinda of things to be thankful for there.

Books I read while I was "off".

Bo's Cafe
Reckless Faith - Let Go and Be Led
Reconstructing Natalie

All good for my soul in different ways.

So, now it's time to get back to work and to continue praising God for the break that I really did need.

May

2010-06-02T16:26:00.000-05:00

I've decided that from the middle of august to the middle of September is my favorite "month" of the year.

My least favorite is MAY!

I way prefer beginnings to endings.

I'm watching kids I love grow up and move on. I'm genuinely delighted about their new beginnings. Some I have known since birth. Others, I've only really known for a year or two. I love believing that God has plans for us. That He likes filling us in when it is good for us to know and we need to know. I have loved sharing all the hope that surrounds those beliefs with them.

I don't like feeling the sadness at the end of something. After "Senior Speeches" at our church on Sunday, I read a couple of very sad emails. Updates from people who are dealing with hard stuff. I walked out of my office, down the stairs and declared that no one was allowed to play a sad song or watch a sad movie or anything remotely sad was to come out of anyone's mouth for the rest of the day. Dave, knew I wasn't joking.

Friends were planning to come for dinner. I did not want to be in a funk. So I turned on a TV and watched an episode of some show remarkably similar show to Hanna Montana. As my girls in Ft. Worth would say..."Don't judge me." I went into the kitchen to help Dave with Dinner and shared with him my cure for the blues. He smiled.

Dinner was great!
May is OVER!

Year in Review

2010-05-19T08:41:00.000-05:00

Barna Research Group - Year in Review Perspective - 2009

"Our studies this year among pastors showed that almost nine out of ten senior pastors of Protestant churches asserted that spiritual immaturity is one of the most serious problems facing the Church. Yet relatively few of those pastors believe that such immaturity is reflected in their church. Few pastors have gone so far as to give their congregants a specific, written statement of how they define spiritual maturity, how it might be measured, the strategy for facilitating such maturity, or what scriptural passages are most helpful in describing and fostering maturity. Those pastors who made any attempt to measure maturity were more likely to gauge depth on the basis of participation in programs than to evaluate people's spiritual understanding or any type of transformational fruit in their lives. Overall, less than one out of every ten pastors said they were completely satisfied with how they assess the spiritual condition of their congregation... our research found that a majority of church going adults are uncertain as to what their church would define as a 'healthy, spiritually mature follower of Christ and they were no more likely to have personally developed a clear notion of such a life."

"Houston, we have a problem!!!!"

This is a problem named, that I care deeply about. I watch. I wait. I pray. God has given me a few ways to engage with others who share my heart...my concerns...my hopes. I'm grateful for this. I have no idea where this will lead me. But I do know that where ever it leads, it will not be easy.

I hope...

2010-05-04T07:44:00.000-05:00

great
worthy
people can't measure
mighty
powerful
majestic
glorious
miracle worker
inspiring
good
righteous
merciful
compassionate
patient
unfailingly loving
everlasting kingdom
ruler
promise keeper
gracious
helps the fallen
lifts the load
need provider
satisfies
close
grants desires
he hears
he rescues
protects
destroys wicked

All of these in one song written by David. If these words in this Psalm are believed, I don't see how you could avoid being a worshiper of God. These descriptors questioned, believed and spoken or sung have the power to change a life. Because behind these words is the reality of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Along with describing God this song describes people. Here are some of the descriptors of those who respond in faith:

exult God
praise God's name forever
the generations tell
meditation happens
stories of God are told
songs are sung
glorious Kingdom of God described
God's mightiness is spoken about
God is seen with hopeful eyes
He is called

At the end David says: "I will praise the Lord, and may everyone on earth bless his holy name forever and ever."

I can relate to David's desire. Worshiping God freely, passionately, with faith that every word can be believed even when my circumstances make them a challenge to believe has changed me.

When I see people holding back, I have compassion for them. I don't mean physically holding back. I mean holding their hearts back. I long for them to let go and believe.

I don't know what God is up to with this invitation to worship Him for 30 days straight at my church. But I hope that trusting God will be a whole lot easier for those who participate. I hope they will tell their stories. I hope...

Psalm 145

Women's Weekend - Got Thirst?

2010-04-27T19:09:00.000-05:00

On Friday and Saturday I spent some time at church with new friends and old. (Can we stop apologizing for getting old? It happens. I digress.)

Linda Dillow and her friend Bev came and shared their lives with us. Basically I heard them emphasizing that learning to be worshipers of God allows us to enjoy a loving relationship with God. If we do things backwards and focus on serving God as our first priority, we are destined for a list of not wonderful things. Burnout, unrelenting fatigue, doubt, discouragement, unable to face unexpected turns in life etc.

I agree.

How did she define worship? Two things - We love God above all else. We bow our lives to God. I've read half her book called Satisfy My Thirsty Soul. I think if you are aware that you are struggling to surrender your life to God and you are frustrated by that, her book has a shot at being helpful to you.

She invited the ladies to a 30 day challenge. She asked us to commit to 20 minutes of worship for 30 days straight. I wonder how many will say yes to this invitation? I wonder how many have some other things they need to sort out before they will be willing to say yes? I wonder what stories will come from those who participate? I wonder...

At the end, she asked us to think about the story of Abraham traipsing up a mountain with his son. When they arrived, Abraham was to sacrifice his only son. She asked us "Is there a march to the mountains going on with you? Is there something God wants you to sacrifice? Is there something that you are expected to trust God with in a way similar to his son? Are you willing to ask God if it is not obvious to you what it is? Are you willing to give it up? Is there provision in the thicket?" Easy questions like that. (she comments ironically)

I did discover what God was asking me for this weekend. I was thrilled by the assurance I received that if I was really ready to give it up, that peace was possible. I gave it up. So far I haven't taken it back. I do know peace. PRAISE GOD!

If you take Linda up on her 30 day challenge and want to talk about it, I am all ears!

Things you learn in a tax office on April 12th...

2010-04-12T21:19:00.000-05:00

You should do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should not only look to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. Paul to the Philippians

Try that one on, April 12th in a CPA office.

People do things like walk in with 70 pages of documents and look sincerely perplexed when you can't promise them, by the end of the day, a completed extension. You see, you can file an extension on April 15th. But the IRS has no interest in you delaying payment. In fact they will charge you interest and penalties if you don't pay what you owe by April 15th. So a taxpayer either needs to sit himself down with Turbo Tax and answer all those questions. Or, you need to give your accountant enough time to essentially prepare your return. Hopefully only leaving one or two items to estimate because someone hasn't gotten their documents to you on time.

Alas neither of these choices were embraced so you the tax accountant are left with that shocked look. You mean you can't tell me for sure if I owe anything or not before April 15th? There is a part of you that wants to do the impossible, to sacrifice yourself more to make yet another client happy. Then when you realize you are being asked for the impossible you can be tempted to swing the total opposite extreme. You think things like... Are you kidding me? Seriously!!! Do you understand what we do here? Silly me. Of course they don't! That's why they have brought you their stuff.

It's such a killer to have worked so hard since February 1st, to do good work for many people. To then to have late comers walk in and communicate displeasure at your unwillingness to serve them by their definition of well. So hard to not get a little bitter about it!

You take a deep breath and the hard and truthful answer gets delivered. "We can file an extension. We can't calculate what you owe. If it turns out you did not pay enough. You will owe penalties and interest as well. But we can help you avoid this next year."

That answer actually considers someone else as better than yourself. It offers them respect because it is hard news to deliver and it is truthful. My sad moment today was when I found myself seriously tempted to belittle a latecomer and make them feel ridiculous. Definitely not a reaction that is considering someone else as better than myself. Quite the opposite really. Interesting that I'm only seriously tempted to that in some kind of fantasy world. We've all trained ourselves to remain "professional" in such encounters.

This is why everything in life is sacred ground. Every work environment provides you the opportunity to truly practice loving and respecting other people and doing it in a way that is not unloving or disrespectful to yourself. Every family environment is the same too. How can we think in terms of us? Not you or me?

With some people, I did well today. It was about us solving a problem together. With others. I didn't do as well as I would like to do in the future. I don't want to respond with irritation and self justifying thoughts. I'm grateful for another day to keep these words from scripture in mind and invite the Lord to help me try again.

Anybody need an extension filed?

Cracked myself up!

Jesus

2010-04-04T16:50:00.000-05:00

loves

no strings

unconditionally

openly

he seeks

he rescues

questions: his specialty

creates life where there was death

eternal

worthy

humble

patient

kind

no boasting

delightful

historical

future

healer

helper

rejected by most

patient

long suffering

inviting

never controlling

companion

Lord

hope

faith

he doesn't want your fear of him to keep you from him

he wants you to be able to see him

to be set free by him

Jesus: Listen, I'm standing at the door. If you hear my voice and open the door. I will come in to be with you and eat with you and you with me.

Timing

2010-04-03T20:49:00.001-05:00

Just finished a book called the Good and Beautiful God, by James Bryan Smith

I was assigned to read it a chapter at a time starting last September.

I haven't been able to read as much as usual the last few weeks due to my work schedule. (Tax season is over in 10 working days!) After work today, I realized if I grabbed this one I could finish it.

The title of the last chapter is "How to Make a Pickle".

The comparison of us to the creation of a pickle was simple. You can't rush the making of a pickle. You can't rush the transformation of a soul into the image of Christ.

There was a lot more detail than that, but the part that stuck out to me is that we, being a society that is so passionate about instant gratification, have to be convinced that growth in God is normally slow. When we don't accept this, we tend to get inspired to do something that might lead to growth and it doesn't get quick results so we are tempted to conclude there is something wrong with us and give up. Or, we just expect fast and we don't get fast so we lose our inspiration.

Smith even goes so far as to say that hurry or the need to hurry is of the Enemy. He point out that it is possible to go quickly with our movements being based in hurry. Hurry is an action born in fear. Interesting.

Other thoughts to consider from this chapter:

choose to ruthlessly eliminate hurry
remove boredom by choosing observation instead
create margin

I do the first by putting cushion between meetings with people. I'm always sorry that I didn't, when I don't. Noticing that helps me plan differently the next time. It also means that I have to be okay with potential downtime between meetings. Thus the need for a purse big enough to carry a book at all times. :)

I have learned to be more observant. My primary teacher in this has been Dave. A good photographer is a good observer.

I plan my schedule around making time to read, pray and exercise. I think about the rhythms of my family and avoid scheduling things on a regular basis that might interrupt that rhythm to much. That took a while for me to learn. It was painful for all of us until I learned it.

This chapter was a reminder to trust God and leave room for his sense of timing. An encouragement that I needed to hear...brought me back from fear to faith.

Tomorrow is Easter. Talk about a day for celebrating God's sense of timing. God's doesn't arrive to early and doesn't move to late. I'll be pondering that tomorrow.

Happy Easter!

Friendship

2010-03-28T21:06:00.000-05:00

I once heard a sermon by my friend Dale.

The whole point of his sermon was that we need three kinds of people in our lives.

We need the people that are out ahead of us in life.
We need the people who are at similar places to our own.
We need the people who are behind us. We need people to cheer on.

That's a lot of people. That's a lot of investment. That's not easy to do.

But who said life was easy.

Thursday, I was having a minor melt down. I needed to talk to someone who had successfully gotten just beyond their teenagers high school years. Someone who would understand what I was trying to sort out. I prayed that God would help me think of someone I could talk to. Someone that would truly help me make sense of what I was trying to work through. The first friend that came to mind, was "in class" and I knew was not available for four more whole hours. That wasn't gonna work. Patience was not what I was feeling. The next person was someone I knew I had a shot at reaching. Score. She answered the phone and she was available. She listened. She taught. She helped sort. She encouraged. At the end, I said I think I've been praying the wrong prayer. I told her how I intended to pray going forward. Before we got off the phone she prayed for me and my whole family. One of the reasons why I thought of her is because she truly loves my whole family. And, boy was I glad that I called her.

Friday, I took off on a two day trip with some girlfriends. The second kind of people. The ones you discover the world with. Some are new friends, others I have long histories with. Oh the stories we can now tell. The sweet memories... The embarrassing moments... The shared humor over things no one else would really appreciate. Pictionary can be boring at this point. We read each others minds to well. We laugh, cry and learn together. We care very deeply about each other. These are some of the speed dial women in my life.

Sunday was been a chance to see the ones coming up behind. The chance to see the younger people of our community. Tonight I got to serve alongside one of those young women. We cleaned up together. Our church had a Palm Sunday Celebration. 400 plus people in the Sanctuary eating a meal together. This means there was some cleaning up to do. First we shared a smile. Then we laughed about this and that. We enjoyed progressing towards our goal together. Nothing significant was said. We just enjoyed each other. I think that's significant. Time well spent. And the tables got put away too.

Tonight one of our pastors reminded us that we are known by our love. Do we love one another? Do we invest in, care for and enjoy one another? I really hurt for people who are to afraid to come in close... to extend themselves to others... to risk loving and being loved.

When Dale preached this sermon years ago, I was reminded how rich with friendships my life has been. On that day I made a decision to be more available to younger women.

This weekend I have been reminded again how rich with friendship and love my life is and, Lord willing, will continue to be.

Satisfy My Thirsty Soul

2010-03-16T19:44:00.000-05:00

Good Evening.

Couple of things...

In April, Linda Dillow is going to come to Crossroads Bible Church. She has written a book called: Satisfy My Thirsty Soul. What she's written about, in this book, will be the focus of the Women's Conference.

I've got quite a list of books going right now. I really resisted adding this one to my list. I'm glad I caved. I don't know if I'll make it to the end of the book by the conference. I don't know if I want to. But I will finish Part 1 before her arrival in late April.

I was already excited about praying for the Women's Conference. Having read through Chapter 1, I'm super excited about it!

On purpose, I don't want to say anymore. Maybe after the conference. Basically I wanted to invite you to get her book, read some of it and come. Any California takers? Got a spare room.

I totally hope lots of the high school girls are gonna be there!! Eighty somethings would be great too! :)

Second thing.

Joye introduced me to a website called Shelfari. I keep it updated. On it, you can see what your friends are currently reading, what they have read and what they plan to read. I'd love to be friends on www.shelfari.com. If you sign up, then choose drop down box that say "Books" at the top. Change it to "members" and then search "Cheri Hudspith". Turns out there are 999 Cheri H's.

Caleb

2010-03-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

In numerous places Caleb is described in the Old Testament as "one who has a different spirit and follows God wholeheartedly".

A friend asked me to consider and share thoughts I have on the development of a wholehearted relationship with God. So as I began to ponder this, I thought: "In a word, why do I think people avoid developing a whole-hearted relationship with God." The word that came to mind is fear.

Then I wondered if that word is going to have a thing to do with Caleb's story. I was pleased to find that it did.

When Caleb got back from spying on the land, in the book of Numbers, he told Moses and the people what he saw. The people didn't like what they heard. Their reaction was fear. Caleb's reaction was loyalty to God and faith in God. Caleb was not afraid.

A wholehearted devotion to God is in part a persistent willingness to be honest with ourselves and with God about what we are afraid of. When God graces us with faith that overcomes our specific list of fears, we know a deeper more personal relationship with God.

That process of being honest with God about our fear and working through it with the Lord develops a relationship of love and trust with God. You find out he doesn't zap you when you admit to weakness and vulnerabilities. Instead He wisely and graciously provides you faith and strength and whatever else you need. Honesty unlocks so much potential in any relationship. I find that to be especially true with God.

God celebrated Caleb's reaction of faith with a promise. He promised that he would live to enter the land plus a gift of a whole big chunk of it. God expressed his deep frustration with the ones who had seen all the miracles of the Red Sea etc and responded with fear. God decided they were not going to be allowed to enter the land.

Knowing that God gets frustrated with the our lack of faith, when he's done so much, shouldn't be a motivator to ignore our fears and just get to work for God. But it should tell us something about what we're missing if we haven't noticed or truly believed how trustworthy and faithful God is.

This is also why I believe the "Father of lies" is so effective at making us ineffective. He knows how to feed our fears with lies. He tells us just enough to paralyze our faith or to make us just self righteous enough to not choose dependence on God. We have to discern in partnership with the Holy Spirit truth from lies. If we don't pay attention to any of this we default to lie believing. If we do pay attention, we spend less time in double-mindedness. A double minded person does not feel wholehearted towards God.

I guess in summary this is what I'm thinking:
To develop a wholehearted relationship with God is in part to acknowledge your fears. To ask God to grace you with a developing faith so that with God, they can be overcome. Faith and loyalty to God are traits that grow over time. When you demonstrate faith and loyalty to God you can be sure that God is pleased.

P.S. Since I initially wrote this I've had time to think about my own life. I have for years been able to say. I know I don't trust God enough. I long to trust God much more than I do. This honest and simple insight has opened the door for many good things in my relationship with the Lord. I have learned to pay attention when I know I'm not trusting God. How do I know I'm not trusting? Truths I have said I believe are not how I choose to live. When that realization happens, I ask God to reveal why I don't trust him. That has meant owning up to being afraid. That is humbling. But once I tested the waters in an area or two and I survived. Actually I've done much more than survived, I received gracious gifts from my Father in Heaven that in one way or another have bolstered my faith. These gifts have without a doubt increased my willingness to be open and honest with God. Praise God the cycle continues: doubt, fear, honesty, seeking, grace, faith, deeper dependence.

God is working in my life to replace fear with faith and this work has been the reason for much of the trust I know in God today.

So to the friend that asked me to think about this, thank you. It has been extremely helpful to me and helped me put some things together that I had not, yet seen.

I noticed this week...

2010-03-05T21:46:00.000-06:00

I like the life I'm living. Got a few reminders this week that I need to be really grateful for that.

Hasn't always been true for me. While its difficult to see people in places where they don't really enjoy the lives they are living, I like that I really do have hope for them. And not tiny bits of hope either.

That's all.

Good Night

Caught between...

2010-02-19T10:20:00.000-06:00

the unconditional love of God and the wrath of God.

This is one of the most difficult tensions for me. It recently came up again in a practical life issues discussion with a friend. It also came up in a sermon last weekend, Joshua 7. (Thanks Mike for teaching through this passage and bringing the reality of the tension back into focus for me.)

What we believe about these two aspects of God matters SO MUCH! I don't feel equipped to do it justice here. So, if this is a topic that matters to you, I highly recommend this book: The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I have decided to not retype the entire chapter here. :)

It is worth the price of the book to read Chapter 6. The book affirmed some conclusions I have been reaching. It explained well some of the reasons we get confused about these truths. He defines both love and wrath within the context of each other.

When people want the wrath of God without the love of God, they have missed it. When they want the love of God with out the wrath of God, they have missed it. If you struggle holding the two together, please do not give up on the struggle.

In future related conversations with people, I will be asking God to help me hold both together.

My other reaction to this: Come Lord Jesus Come!

Praying for Teens

2010-02-18T16:04:00.000-06:00

I was given a prayer journal for the Lent season a few months back. I didn't think to pick it up yesterday. But I noticed it on my desk this afternoon.

I enjoyed reading the verses presented and the devotional thoughts. I prayed about the suggested items at the bottom of the page. But it was the right hand column that really stood out to me.

"Let your sons in their youth be as grown-up plants, and our daughters as corner pillars fashioned as for a palace... How blessed are the people whose God is the Lord! Psalm 144:12,15

For people in their teens to radically commit their lives to Christ; to make wise choices; for older mentors; for solid friendships with their peers who are following Jesus; for open communication with parents; for God's intentions for their generation to come forth in fullest measure.

Pray for people in their teens. Envision them following Christ five or ten years from now." pg. 7 - Seek God for the City 2010

I especially liked envisioning our son 5 and 10 years down the road. 22 and 27 - Oh my! We've been amazed so far by the grace that God has poured into Matt's life and the amount of it that has been received and not rejected.

It's not difficult to think of a long list of other students to pray for too. You know who you are! A joy to pray for them.

If you haven't ever read Matt's blog or haven't "stopped by" lately I think it will be an encouragement to you. Click on the link called Mr. Matt. It's on the right side of my blog.

If you've prayed for our boy, mentored him, told him a Bible story or shared with him why your confident in God... You are one of my favorite people on the planet!!!!

Encouragement

2010-02-09T08:15:00.000-06:00

Good Morning,

Yesterday, I received more than a few encouraging things from the Lord through his people. But one thing has been wonderful to think about.

A friend called last night. We needed to talk about when we're going to get together next. We got all that worked out and then she said she had something she wanted to read me. It was a prayer of mine that she's had around for at least seven years, maybe even longer than that.

Key words in the prayer: my desires, the will of God and trust.

I understood all those years ago that my desires did not match up with God's will or design for my life very often. I really wanted them to. I was confused. I was hurting. For what ever reason (God), I never gave up believing that there must be a way for that to happen.

At the time, the word trust came up because I was wrestling through whether or not I was supposed to go to seminary. Was it simply my choice? Was God leading me there? Or was I going there just because I wanted to? Did it make any sense to go there? Would others around me accept my decision? I didn't have a lot of experience with trusting God's leadership at that point in my life. I kept doing the leading.

There is no doubt in my mind that a prayerful life, a paying attention to God throughout the day life, has been what has lead me to trust submitting my will to His. In times of prayer I have known acceptance, love, filling, strength, courage, hope, perseverance and all of that has led to willingness. I am willing, dare I say, even like following. Trust is a big honking deal! Trust happens in meaningful relationship. Meaningful relationship for me, with the Lord, has been developed first through the study of his Word. It's extremely important to get to know who the Lord is. Study has continued, but prayer has been the focus of the relationship development.

I pray when I walk. I pray when I drive. I pray when I sing. I pray when I'm in conversation with other people. I pray before I meet people. I often pray after I leave people. I pray when I get an email. I pray when I'm confused. I pray when I'm joyful. I pray when my kid walks out the door. I pray when he returns. I pray for Dave's big meeting. Or, for a friends concern. I pray while I read books. I pray while I read scripture. I pray when my heart is troubled personally or for a friend. I pray in groups of women. Sometimes, many times I forget to pray.

So to my friend who hung on to that prayer. Prayed for me. Then bothered to say, hey I've got something I want to read to you. Thank you. You've made a difference in my life all these years. I'm sure your love for me will continue to make a difference. I love you.

Daring to Dream

2010-02-03T10:58:00.000-06:00

I was in a conversation the other day. A friend of mine was about ready to tell me about some circumstances that have happened in the last ten days or so. Its the kind of circumstances where if it keeps moving forward, something we've been dreaming about for some kids in Ft. Worth could happen. He stopped himself from speaking. I said, "What?". He said honestly, "I'm afraid to say it out loud because I might jinx it." I gave him a look. The look meant, don't think that way. He knew it. And then he braved telling me the story of what has been happening. He wanted me to know how I could pray for the people and the circumstances.

Then I admitted to my friend, that I gave him that look because I'm tempted to be controlled by that fear too. Why is it, that we believe that if we speak the words that somehow God's intervention might end? The other fear that I deal with is that if I name it, I might start to demand that God do it. If He doesn't do it then I'll be shamed and look foolish.

Is there any part of life where there isn't tons to learn about???!!!

In a show of solidarity with my friend/brother in Christ, who risked sharing the progression of a dream with me this week, I'm going to put out there a dream of mine. I'm asking God to keep me from having a demanding attitude about it all. I'm asking God to help me trust Him with it. I really have no idea if this place will ever exist.

If you want to, after I describe it you can send me some suggestions for a name. I'd like for this place I'm dreaming about to have a name.

Okay, here it is. It's a book store. Or at least it looks like a bookstore to the average person walking by. (It's really a non profit ministry in disguise). It's full of great literature for sale. There are books on history, philosophy and Christianity in there too. It has homey places to sit read and have conversation. You can buy a great cup of tea and a great cup of coffee in this place. Some wonderful cooking friend of mine in the area, will want to get a business going out of her home and he/she will bake yummy things for people to eat with their coffee or tea. In the back will be a room. It will look like a library room in a large/old fashioned home. It will have a fireplace. It will be the perfect spot for a one on one conversation that just wouldn't be a good idea to have out in front with everyone else. Also in the room or maybe even another one, it will have a great big table made of big logs or something substantial. Around that table I can lead or simply participate in books discussions. Or, lead small groups through these Listen To My Life materials I'm so excited about.

This one only happens if it falls into the category, "Thy will be done". I can't make this one happen. I have no desire at this point in my life to make anything happen that doesn't match up with the Lord anyway.

It is a work of grace that I sit here at the end of what I've written unafraid, hopeful but not demanding and ready to trust God with the dream. What a great journal entry to run across 20 years from now.

What are you dreaming about?

Do not stifle...

2010-01-22T08:48:00.000-06:00

SCRIPTURE REFLECTION: “Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit.” 1 Thes. 5:17-19 NLT

Of all the scriptures my grandparents could have chosen to put in the front of the bible they gave me on my 17th birthday, this is the one.

I don't think it is to big of a stretch to assume this is who they hoped I would be.

This recent focus on being grateful has helped me to see how I have stifled the Holy Spirit in the past. This is yet another example of why it is so important to pay attention when you believe God is asking you to obey a command in scripture. Until you obey the command, by and through God's grace, you will not know the benefits of obedience. It's all theory without obedience.

But once your willingness to and your love for God unites with God's expectations of how He invites us to live; Then you will truly know a changing heart. A heart that is being conformed to the likeness of God. It happens in layers, it happens over time. But just like scriptures says that it will happen. It happens.

Thank goodness for all the people in my life who have said out loud these words are true. Their faith through actions and words have helped me risk believing and walking by faith too. To my grandparents, I don't think it was an accident that you wrote those verses in my bible. Thank you. May I stifle the Spirit less and less. Amen.

One Life Letter created for OneLifeMaps.com

2010-01-22T08:43:00.000-06:00

From Discontentment to Gratitude
By Cheri Hudspith, oneLifemaps Facilitator
Related to the Reviewing My Days Map, Desires & Longings Map, and Valley Experiences Map from Listen To My Life: Maps for Recognizing and Responding to God in My Story by Sibyl Towner and Sharon Swing.

Last fall, I was troubled by the fact that I could not arrive at a contented place in a very big part of my life. I wanted desperately to live without the tension and burden of discontentment. I noticed that when I talked about the future, my voice was filled with angst and struggle. It was not the voice of a trusting daughter. I desire to be a trusting daughter of the Most High God. I started asking the Lord to show me the cause of my discontentment.

Apparently, this was something the Lord was pretty happy to supply an answer to. Through a series of events - a retreat in Colorado, questions asked by others in a bible study on Colossians, a serious physical trial being faced by a friend and a book called Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, I discovered a hard truth. The Lord both gently and firmly with His still small voice said, “Cheri, you are demanding. In the places where you choose not to be grateful in all circumstances, you only know discontentment.”

Through the use of the Reviewing My Days Map, I have discovered that God is moving in this area of my life where I have been discontent. He's just not doing it the way I want Him to do it or at the speed I want. My arrogance in this way of thinking is so profoundly heart breaking. Who am I to tell God how or when to do anything?! Now, it is more clear to me why I have resisted the Desires & Longings Map. I was afraid of being disappointed and being tempted to get bossy with God. I instinctively knew that I would be in potential conflict with God when I dared to give voice to what I desire and long for.

I am now making use of the Valley Experiences Map. What events in my life or ways of seeing the world need to be reframed by truth - truths about God and truths about me? While praying through this map, I'm having a series of new realizations that are helping me understand how my past hurts contribute to my tendencies toward ungrateful discontentment.

God has done a work in me. I can honestly say that I have moved from discontentment to contentment, angst to peace, bossiness to submissiveness and ungratefulness to gratitude. I have known the deep love of the Lord for me in the midst of the revelation of truth. I'm so grateful He heard my cries and has answered them. Praise be to God!

SCRIPTURE REFLECTION: “Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit.” 1 Thes. 5:17-19 NLT

QUESTION: Will you trust the Lord to show you where you struggle to be content or grateful? Are you being invited to discover how to be grateful in all circumstances?

Watching and Waiting

2010-01-07T18:53:00.000-06:00

I have a prayer request.

I start working again as an accountant in February. I'll be working Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. I'll be preparing tax returns. I'll be back at Owen's office. It's definetly one of my second homes. I worked for Owen for six years or so before I started my journey into seminary and beyond.

I'm very grateful for the income. We are in need of it. I'm very grateful that my skills as an accountant will help provide for our needs. Owen understands that I'm skilled as an accountant but that its not my first love. That gives me flexibilty that not all accounting offices would provide. A blessing indeed!

My prayer request is that I'll know what do do after tax season is over. Its our belief, at this point, that I need to continue generating a stream of income. Do I see about staying on at Owen's office? Do I look for a ministry that needs an accoutant cause that's what gets me in the door? Do I get my CPA license back? I let it go when I entered seminary. Am I waiting and watching for a surprise that's beyond my ability to imagine?

I plan to take one day at a time and to watch and pray. One of my prayers is that I wont panic and do something rebellious and controlling. I'm learning to get more comfortable with the idea that my story really only makes sense to God. I have pretty crazy resume of life experiences at this point. As do so many of us.

I like knowing that time will march on. Someday I'll be able to write a post about the answer to this period of watching and praying. I like this season of gratitude that I have been in. My heart is truly in the most trusting place it has ever known.

What are you watching and waiting for in prayer? God bless us all.

Books read in '09

2010-01-02T11:29:00.000-06:00

George Mueller of Bristol by Pierson
Strengthening the Soul of your Leadership by Barton
Soul Feast by Thompson
Crazy Love by Chan
Talking with My Father by Stedman
The North Face of God by Gire
Christian Meditation by Finley
Creating a Life with God by Wolpert
Seeking God Together by Fryling
The Great Emergence by Tickle
A Tale of Three Kings by Edwards
The Echo Within by Benson
A Grace Disguised by Sittser
Sacred Companion by Benner
Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care - Talbot School of Theology
The Furious Longing of God by Manning
The Cure for the Common Life by Lucado
Hinds Feet on High Place by Hurnard
Fanny J. Crosby by Crosby
The Best Question Ever by Stanley
Choosing Gratitude by DeMoss
Life Together by Bonhoffer
Colossians
The Book of Acts
Esther

Great way to remember a year!

Some of these books came my way because I needed help understanding something.
Some came to inspire me to walk by faith in the Lord.
Some came because I need to understand the questions of other people better.
Some came because they are a part of a larger conversation that God wants me involved in for reasons that are more clear to God than me.
Some came to help me introduce ways of seeing that I care about to people I care about.
Some came because I'm immature and blind and their written by people steps ahead of me that aren't so immature and blind.

I totally understand that reading this much isn't for everybody. But I'm extremely grateful that I know it is good for me. And I'm thankful I have the education and resources to do so. It kinda cracked me up to look at this list. Prior to typing it I was kinda feeling like I hadn't read much this year.

Gratitude Prayer by Nancy

2009-12-30T15:04:00.000-06:00

I'm coming to the close of my gratitude project. I'm watching for ways to continue practicing what I've been learning. You have my permission to look at me funny when it seems I've forgotten to be grateful in all circumstances. If being subtle doesn't clue me in, please ask me if I'm grateful about whatever it is we're talking about.(Wonder if Dave's gonna read this entry?) :)

Here's a prayer written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss at the end of the 30 day gratitude project:

Father we are astounded at the depths to which You have reached down to redeem us. We don't have language to describe the amazing grace You continue to lavish upon us with the dawn of each new day. And now, at the first light of what we pray will be a new day in our relationship with You and others, we ask Your favor and blessing in the living of it. We need Your help, for apart from the redeeming sanctifying work of Christ for us and in us, we cannot begin to please You or live in accord with Your Word.

We have heard Your Spirit calling us to reject the bitter clutches of ingratitude and to embrace the manifold joys of thanks-giving. May Your call continue to resonate in our hearts. May the multitude of Your blessings never be lost on us but rather reflecting back as praises, poured like afuel onto our worship.

When the enemy comes against us, when emotions or life experiences insist that a joyful gratitude isn't possible, may You visit us with the life-giving strength of Your presence. When others misunderstand us or tell us we're living in denial, may we find sweet justification for our joy in the precepts of Your Word.

Father, we embark on this new chapter with great anticipation, sure of many lives that You intend to touch through our obedience, and also sure of many trials that You will trnsform into opportunities to bless us. Our desire is to reflect Your faithfulness, goodness, and grace through our grateful hearts and words. May You be glorified in us, in our gratitude.

We pray in the blessed name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, to who we owe everything.

And one more thing - now and forever: Thank you, Lord.

We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2009-12-22T21:26:00.000-06:00

Dave, Cheri and Matt

Joy

2009-12-21T19:30:00.000-06:00

Christmas Joys

Donating my 2000 Dodge Durango tomorrow to an organization that teaches kids to repair them and then auctions them to benefit the school.

Working through, with Dave, all the questions we've had about the timing of replacing my car. We really both sought to discern what, when and how we should go about it. For two years or more that was going on. We feel peace that we waited as long as we could and we are blessed with a car that we are so grateful for. So many details came together... Truly a joy and relief to us this Christmas!

Family arrives in town in just three short days. We miss them and can't wait to hug their necks, worship together, eat lots of food, put puzzles together, wrestle, watch football, play video games, watch movies and go on walks. We couldn't be more normal or simple when it comes to Christmas joys! I like that about us. :)

Reunions with friends passing through are possibility this Christmas Break too! Joy!

Very little in the way of an agenda this Christmas! Might even be daily grocery shopping just because I really don't know what will be happening from one day to the next. A little surprised to realize I'm actually joyful about that. I'm relaxing in my second half of life.

Stars are getting my attention this Christmas! I keep noticing them everywhere. Top of our tree... Outside when on the deck one night... On a few Christmas cards... Our church sanctuary... It has caught me off guard how much I keep really really noticing them. Like, stop a minute and take in their beauty kind of noticing them. I asked God the other day what that was about. I'm enjoying remembering that God has always been and will always be interested in providing us direction. This Christmas that is my deepest joy!

Dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Thank you for bringing our family so much joy this Christmas! May everyone reading this know joys both big and small with You and their loved ones this Christmas. May we notice those who need a little of our joy shared with them. May an increasingly grateful heart bring us joy throughout the whole year. Help us to have eyes to see all that we have to be grateful for and may we react with a desire to share your gifts to us with those placed in our path. Also, please give us brave hearts that are willing to walk new paths with you this coming year.

Merry Christmas, Lord.

Amen

Avoiding gratitude...

2009-12-08T08:43:00.000-06:00

This morning I was coming up with other things to do besides my 30 day gratitude project.

So when I finally sat down, I asked the Lord, "Why was I avoiding You and this topic this morning?

This is what I wrote down next:

Is a Christian allowed to be disappointed or bummed out? (ponders for a moment) Yes. Evil, seperation and hate are negative and create negative responses. But we are not to stay stuck there. David models this in the Psalms. We are to recognize and circle back around to the goodness, togetherness and love that can be found in any relationship or circumstance because of God. This is full circle living. God is teaching me how to come around full circle. Hmmm...

Another honest question asked and answered. Just now I have realized that I hope that part of the purpose of this blog is for me to share with who ever reads this the value of honest questions put before the Lord. I think God really likes answering honest questions. He doesn't always do it quickly. It's mind blowing for me to think about the number of questions God answers.

More quotes from Choosing Gratitude:

The capacity to respond to adversity with faith and gratitude is not limited to spiritual "superheroes."

The question that came to her heart was: "Can you thank Me for trusting you with this experience, even if I never tell you why?"

Anything that makes me need God is (ultimately, in the truest sense)a blessing.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Quotes from Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

2009-12-07T09:15:00.000-06:00

Quotes:

Gratitude is a lifestyle. A hard-fought, grace-infused, biblical lifestyle.

Is the gratitude that flows out of your life as abounding as the grace that has flowed into your life?

When we give out of gratitude to God, we cause gratitude to well up in others' hearts.

The higher our standard of living, the more discontented we become.

The grateful heart that springs forth in joy is not acquired in a moment; it is the fruit of a thousand choices.

Ungrateful people tend to hold tightly to their rights.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Thought provoking huh? She's stepped on my toes. But, I must say she steps all over her own toes at the same time. This book is written in the midst of her own realizations of how much she has struggled with an ungrateful heart.

Words to be deeply encouraged by...

"And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." Paul to the church in Colosse

Random thoughts Sunday

2009-12-06T15:21:00.000-06:00

Christmas tree is up. Memory lane is awesome. We've bought many of our ornaments on journeys to other lands.

Christmas music set up on pandora.com.

Counting the days till my brother Terry, sister-in-love Leah, CJ, Megan and Emily arrive on the 24th for a week!!!!

Jingle Bell *ell Tournament at UNT for Matt was great to see. I get now why he like to play Utlimate Frisbee so much. Fun game... fun group of kids to hang with... encouraging coach.

Really joyful about the gadget we put on our tree. All you do is touch this pretty metal snowflake and the whole thing lights up. If your feeling jealous right now I think my Dad found it at Target.

Wondering if the lights will make it up on the outside of the house. Signs of aging are occurring on a more regular basis. :)

I think I might finally have a title for a book and an outline of chapters. I'm giving myself 10 years to write it. Dave said I should give myself 4 months.

I'm thankful for the women who put so much effort into planning our Christmas Brunch at church. It was beautiful. I'm grateful for all the men who served at the tables. I'm grateful for Kim Hill. She's a great story teller and singer. She's good because she's talented. She's great because she's honest.

I love my church family.

This time of year I miss all the people I'm not going to be able to see this Christmas. They live in places like Colorado, California and Heaven. No dear ones in Colorado and California, you don't actually live in heaven. Close, but not. :)

Tonight we go to Dave's parents house to finish off the celebrations of his 44 years on earth! We haven't seen enough of them lately so it will be nice to have an evening together. Dave loves the cake I baked for him so it will be fun to share it with them too. I'm grateful we celebrate birthdays. It gives us a day to make sure we say the things we don't always remember to say out loud the rest of the year.

We checked out Baylor and Sam Houston State University over Thanksgiving break. So far Matt says Baylor is in the lead. Still planning to check out some more schools. I really love listening to Matt think through all this. I'm not longer shocked we're here. Not very interested in contemplating things like how fast the last year and a half went.

All for now.

May the rest of your December have enough time in it for some random thoughts. :)

Moving through to a New Normal

2009-12-03T09:11:00.000-06:00

Earlier this fall a friend came over and she had with her a "Peace Packet". It's a collection of verses and wisdom about living in Peace with God.

One of the cards had showed a cycle on it that we all go through:

Crisis

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

After you go through the acceptance stage you move back up to what becomes a new normal.

It might be a crisis of faith.

It might be a crisis related to circumstances.

I know this cycle pretty well. Always seems easier to identify in hindsight.

Today I saw it because I was feeling a bit depressed. When God is showing me something new, at the beginning of that there is a "oh my gosh that's awesome" reaction to light and truth. I really do hate stumbling around in the dark. But after that wears off some there is often a sadness that comes.

It is sad to realize how demanding and ungrateful your life has been. It's sad to know that recognizing the truth doesn't eliminate the process of dying that is always a part of God changing your life. I think there is even a part of me that's sad I can't change on my own. Oh my goodness.

Truly being a person who wants only what God wants and chooses thankfulness in all circumstances is not my current normal. I hope I'm in the process of accepting it as truth that I really do need to depend on the Lord to live by.

I'm getting help with this from some friends.

There is a family that lives in Southern California. All three of us, love all six of them very much. I got an email from the Mom telling me they are facing some very tough possibilities for their daughters health. Their daughter is eighteen. We've emailed, we've talked, we've prayed and I've watched their reactions on Facebook.

The post on the day before exploratory surgery and a three day wait for results: "Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Yep, that is what my friend is telling her circle of friends she's gonna do. You see its been her theme verse for quite some time now. She lives with MS. She is not bitter. She is beautiful. She is practiced up and knows how to live out this verse with her daughter and the rest of their family and friends. When we got off the phone the other night, I was truly amazed by her attitudes, thought processes and willingness to walk the thing out. It is a joy to be her friend and to see what trusting Christ can really do.

Are you at one of these stages in this cycle regarding something in your life? Gratefulness may truly be the fastest route to acceptance and then to a new normal found in trusting Christ.

Dear Lord,

Thanks for being patient and merciful with our ungrateful hearts. Thanks for opening our eyes to what is going on inside our minds and hearts. Help us to figure out what keeps us from trusting you and keeps us being ungrateful. Thank you for giving us the grace and mercy we need to be thankful in all circumstances. Apart from you we can truly do nothing.

Amen

An answer to many prayers...

2009-11-30T11:25:00.000-06:00

Random events sometimes makes sense when they are all put together.

I've been struggling with contentment this fall. God's given me a vision for a meaningful ministry. He's even given me tools to use. I've been introduced to people who tell me that they marvel at the timing of meeting me and to the helpfulness of these tools in their lives. My journey is proving to be helpful to others as they walk with the Lord. Serious amounts of joy and purpose have surrounded all of that.

So what is the problem? Money. Events keep taking place that have drained our financial resources or things we are responsible for have shown evidence that they need our attention beyond our ability to pay right now. One solution to this problem is that I stop spending my time doing what I do. I go get a job that pays me for my time. Enter confusion and frustration. During the summer, I start asking God for help. Don't know how to be not confused and not frustrated.

Enter random events...

Devotional in Colorado includes thoughts on "being thankful in all circumstances".

Participation through the fall in a bible study focused on Colossians. Guess what is a very big theme in this book. Yep, thankfulness.

A friend gives me a book called Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I initially loan it out to someone in my small group because I have 20+ books on my must read shelf in my office. It gets returned to me the Thursday before Thanksgiving.

While devouring this book on gratefulness the light bulb finally goes off. Nope not random events at all. Instead they are all very purposeful answers to pray.

Dear beloved daughter,

You, my dear, have a gratitude problem. Don't beat yourself up to bad about it. It's a common problem. If you will take, what I've been showing you for a couple of months now to heart - then you'll be allowing me to change your life.

Your Heavenly Father

So at the end of Nancy's book, there is a 30 day devotional and journal project. I'm on day three. I'm very grateful to be doing this between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'm also marveling once again how God answers prayer over time.

I've already seen confusion replaced with trust... ignorance with knowledge... frustration with hopefulness. All in the midst of no more clarity then I had a month ago about how God is going to provide. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt this has been a significant missing piece. As I allow myself to focus on what/who I'm grateful for each day, I'm better able to give up on trying to control my future.

To my friends who have been in the midst of this confusion with me. Thanks for your patience with me. Thanks for listening to me work through this. Thanks for praying with me and for me.

"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." Apostle Paul

Ft. Worth Update

2009-11-11T20:31:00.000-06:00

I'm happy to report that a friend has decided to join me in Ft. Worth on Tuesdays! It's incredibly nice to have a partner in this adventure!

The girls amaze me in one way or another every single week. This week one of them asked the group to help her come up with a list of things that distract us from our relationship with God. Can you get a better conversation starter question from a student to the group?

I told another friend a week or so ago, I have no idea what I'm doing. She said you mean your on a wing and a prayer. That's a pretty accurate description. So far its working out just fine. Jesus keeps answering our prayers for this group.

If you think of these girls, pray they have courage to keep trusting God with their lives!

Thoughts on Listen To My Life

2009-11-04T10:16:00.000-06:00

Below is a newsletter article I was asked to write so I thought I'd post it here too.

What’s Up with Listen To My Life

I was asked if I would write about Listen To My Life and what I see happening in the retreats/workshops/classes that use this material. That’s a really big and broad topic. Why is that? Well, for one thing every life and all the stories that make up that life are very unique. And, God is very aware of who we are… what matters to each of us and why. So as you hear the stories you experience all the variety that comes with uniqueness.

On the other extreme, you see the common themes that make up all of our lives. So you have a chance to marvel at these people who God has created; marvel at how God interacts with them throughout their lives. And you also get the chance to see where your journey has been similar.

A couple of different opportunities arise around the similarities. Sometimes in the similarities you have the opportunity to encourage hope because of what you have been brought through. At other times you are the one receiving hope because of how faith in God has made a radical difference in the life of someone else.

I also see another major theme that shows up during Listen To My Life. It is a place where lies have the opportunity to be replaced with truth. In this process you discover what motivates you and why. This is an excellent resource of information. Sometimes you discover you’re motivated by something that is not true. You realize the lies keep you fearful or controlled. When the lie gets replaced with genuine trust in God there is a freedom that comes with that transformation in your thinking. As you experience that process it trains you to continue repeating it with the Lord and with other believers. You start to ask yourself, “What do I believe? Why do I believe it? Is that true? If it’s not true, LORD show me what is. Give me the faith I need to walk by faith in You.”

Watching people go through all this and being there with them as they explore their journeys is marvelous… heart wrenching… hopeful… challenging… eye opening… mysterious and revealing. You see, every time God is trusted, change happens. I want to be a part of helping people trust God just a little bit more every day. So after five times of doing Listen To My Life as either a participant or a Facilitator, I have no hesitations about going through it again and again. May the Lord keep leading me to others that can benefit as much as I have benefited.

Is this vanity?

2009-11-02T09:45:00.000-06:00

Got a little surprised today when I looked up the word vanity. The first definition didn't surprise me.

Vanity - excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities and achievements.

But the second one did, because I would not have been able to state this a definition but on a subconscious level this is believed.

Vanity - lack of real value; hollowness; worthlessness.

Christian women are in the midst of confusion. When is doing something I believe is good for me a vain choice and when is it not?

Or, they struggle when, they do something that is good for them and it produces good results but then deal with vanity about it at the end. Sure complicates decision making about in future choices. If I'm just going to wind up a vain idiot - Why bother?

I start to explore these thoughts the most when someone in the media says: "If you don't take good care of your self then you can't take good care of other people" I wonder, "Why does that statement ring hollow?"

Here's a few things that I think we should consider the next time we're wrestling with this. Why am I motivated to take action on this... whatever this is for you? Are there any vain reasons driving me? If so what are they and why? Is there something the Lord wants me to reconsider about those types of motivations?

On the other hand, are there any truly healthy God honoring reasons for why I'm motivated to take action? If so, how do I look to God for help? Who's going to get the credit if change actually happens in my life?

This is a big deal! Lack of delving into this paralyzes so many.

What a week!

2009-10-21T09:47:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I'll be sharing a testimony about freedom in Christ.

A week ago, I thought it might be a good idea to go into Liz's office after Bible Study and Leader's lunch and say. We gotta come up with plan B. I can't do it. The words aren't coming.

But during leaders lunch that day, I was sitting at a table. We started talking about the next week. The walls that were keeping the words and organization of the talk from developing came down. God's provision.

The next day, I met with another friend who knows me better than I know myself. She helped me clarify what I was saying. Identify where the words weren't flowing etc. God's provision.

It has started to become a tradition. I include music in some form or fashion when I speak. I was asking God for a song that matched up. The one I had in mind initially would be a little hard for some of the women to enjoy enough to hear the words so I kept praying. A youtube video of a song that matches up very well shows up on my facebook home page. God's provision.

I go over the talk a third time. This friend does an excellent job of pulling out what do you mean by that. Say more. We identify more place where it's decent writing but horrible speaking material. God's provision.

Technical aspects of power-point and coordinating of digits and people is coming together nicely. No small provision from the Lord.

Many people have contacted me in some form or another and said, your on my mind and I'm praying. God's provision.

Okay Lord, I really think you want me to do this. So how can we deal with the part of me that would like to run in the opposite direction?

A dear mentor reintroduced me to the words below a while back. I was reminded of them this morning.

"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous."

Usually I camp on the first four words. If you ever think you see me being strong or courageous you can be sure your seeing the Lord in me. I personally am a wimp and a coward. Seriously.

Today the next set of words jumped. Why, because I do believe a part of our inheritance as believers in Jesus Christ is freedom in Him. If I can say something that helps another person trust Christ and therefore know freedom then it is a good idea to say something.

I'm praying that God will be glorified, that the Holy Spirit will speak and I will trust the Lord with my inadequacies throughout the day tomorrow. Believe me I'll be repeating, be strong in Christ a lot.

If you see this before Thursday at 9:00am. Pray for the women I'll be sharing with. Pray whatever the Lord puts on your heart to pray.

P.S. - Those words I quoted are from the first chapter of Joshua

Which is easier?

2009-10-09T18:09:00.000-05:00

What a challenge it is to walk by faith!

But is it even harder to walk by doubt?

Maybe the answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no.

Is there an area of your life where your starting to see that you might be afraid to walk by faith?

What makes doubt easier?

Thoughts:
When its so normal you don't even realize your doing it.
When its culturally acceptable.
When it feels more secure than faith.
When you can hide rather than be visible. A walk of faith sometimes makes you more visible/accountable than you would prefer to be.

What makes faith easier?

Thoughts:
Trust
Eternal perspectives
Being fed up with the results of following the culture
Caring about other people more than yourself
Reminders of who God is and who I am not.
Allowing God to show me an error when I thought I was walking in the truth.

My new favorite questions are: What am I afraid of? Why?

Asking these questions has brought me from doubt to faith on a few things recently. Humbling. A little disorienting and mixed with significant moments of rejoicing and freedom.

All impossible without God.

Wonder if I'll ever feel articulate about this walk of faith? Consistently living beyond my ability to communicate. For someone who likes to write that can be extremely annoying! I can only imagine what its like for those who brave reading these thoughts.

Trying to take it all in...

2009-09-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

I was the recipient of a gift today that has overwhelmed me. Grateful, deeply grateful and shocked are the only words that come to mind so far. I'm hoping that at least one of you is a blog reading friend and can pass this message on to all who participated. Thank you. From the deepest place in my heart - thank you.

Last week I spent a lot of time resisting a walk of faith in matters related to His provision. I had a break through with all that last Friday night and I have been walking in a deeper place of trust since that time. God and His people have totally surprised me twice in the last ten days. I think I'm close to being able to call the lawyer to get True Hearts set up as a Not for Profit Corporation. I'm praying for wisdom.

I understand the pluses of anonymous gifts. The down side is I don't get to look you in the eye, say thank you and give you a hug. So I'm asking the Lord to do that for me.

Crying tenderhearted tears and singing...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly host.
Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost.

A John Wesley Prayer

2009-09-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

Some one offered me a written pray last Thursday. I didn't read it till today. Needed to read it today.

I am no longer my own, but thine. Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt; put me to doing, put me to suffering; let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee; let me be full, let me be empty; let me have all things, let me have nothing; I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thou art mine and I am thine. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen

Hope

2009-09-11T09:44:00.000-05:00

Expectations - My expectations have been a cruel master. One I regret surrendering so much of my life to.

Hope is patient. Hope is willing to put up with a lot. Hope remains... always remains. Hope inspires courage. Hope has been a prophet. Hope knows. Hope has been my deliverer.

God is Hope. Hope is God.

I hope in the future I will be ruled less by expectations and instead walk surrendered into Faith, Hope and Love.

Tuesdays in Ft. Worth

2009-09-09T08:52:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I traveled down to meet with urban high school female students in Ft. Worth. I'm a bit conflicted as to how much I can say about my time with these girls. Their privacy matters to me a lot. Them trusting me matters to me a lot. Because we spend the majority of our time in very different places there could be lots of reasons for them not to trust me.

So instead of talking about the girls, which I enjoyed being with very much by the way, I'm going to talk about my reaction to being with them. I have missed being hands on in an urban environment since returning to Texas. I wish I could adequately express how much good this type of environment is for me. It invites and sometimes screams for outside my box thinking. Frankly, I suffer with being bored with my box. This helps with that. It also goes a long way towards putting things into perspective. When you discover your paradigm isn't the only one out there. And you have to reconcile the two to one another so you can cope with the differences. It forces me to think biblically rather than culturally. Last but not least, I deal with fear. The fears I have related to all this help me to be dependent on the Lord. I acknowledge the fears. I ask God to give me courage and to make a way for me where I don't necessarily see the way. I can say that God has been incredibly faithful in answering those prayers for me.

The symbol of a bridge has become very important in my life. I think one of the things I am is a bridge builder. I like looking for ways to bring people together and I like looking for ways to highlight what we have in common. Discovering what we can learn from each others strengths is a highlight for me.

What I hope for the girls is that this will be a time to talk about the Lord, to pray about the challenges they are facing and an encouragement to walk with the Lord at school. Most of all I hope they feel loved.

I will be doing this each Tuesday. I will be leaving my house at 10:00am and returning to the Flowerplex by 2:00pm. I am there for two lunch hours. I am praying for and would love to have a partner to go with me. If your interested in doing this together please give me a call.

A word of caution on this commitment. I have waited this long to get involved because I didn't want to do it until I knew I could be faithful to these kids for an entire year. Many of them have experienced adults bailing on them. So don't hesitate to visit a few times with me but if you commit to being involved it will be very important that barring some life changing event in your life that you are faithful to come weekly.

I would also appreciate your prayers for me, for these girls and that God would draw girls to this lunch that could benefit from it the most.

Highlights

2009-08-26T21:19:00.000-05:00

Just finished another Listen to My Life Retreat! Yeah God! What a blessing!

Women of Faith with 50 women somehow connected to CBC was memorable! Especially since my Mom, Mother-in-law, sister-in-law and cousin were all there.

Wrapped up planning for Fall and will do the leadership training day tomorrow! It will be good to be together! Side By Side is a new theme for Thursday mornings. There will be two different studies offered with a couple of connecting points throughout the morning. So far we're getting lots of positive feedback on the idea. :)

I start participating in a Spiritual Director training program on Saturday. Its the first meeting of a three year journey.

Starting next Tuesday, I'll be going down to Northside High School in urban Ft. Worth to facilitate a Bible Study at lunch in a public school with teenage girls! Can't wait to see what comes of that!

Tuesday nights I'll be facilitating a class at church. I so need to spend some focused time on that!

I love the fall... lots of new adventures.

In big ways and small ways I'm having to trust God with all of it.

Come to Ft.Worth on August 8th! Why?

2009-08-07T07:46:00.000-05:00

If you have ever heard of the book The Cross and the Switchblade you might want to come check out this event. Nicky Cruz one of the main people in the story is coming to talk about what the Lord has done in his life!

There will be a couple of different bands playing before Nicky gets up to speak!

If you not in the local area we'd appreciate your prayers for this event! We're trying to reach kids who need to hear the gospel... to consider leaving a gang lifestyle. And to encourage the kids who have already made the committment to stay in school and avoid the pitfalls of gang life.

Pictures are worth...

2009-08-02T14:56:00.001-05:00

My friend Laura invited me to a Creative Memories Corporate Event here in Dallas.

My favorite part was the professional photographer who came in to give some tips. Living with, you know who, meant that I didn't learn a bunch of new things but I did get a couple of great tips.

What I enjoyed most, was watching a presenter who clearly loves what he does and displaying his art for a whole gaggle of very encouraging and appreciative women. Should have heard the sighs when he put up a face shot of his darling 4 yr old with with tight curly blond hair who clearly loves flashing her eyes in Daddy's direction!

So I came home on Saturday afternoon inspired to catch up on my photo chores and got to work. I didn't stop working until after 12:30am. Due to a couple of recent hard drive crashes and various other challenges, simply getting things from Dave's computer to mine and determining when we last printed was a bit of a mountain to climb. But by the time I'd gone to bed last night I had 200 plus pictures from the last eighteen months gathered into one place and ready to get printed. I was very pleased to be at the crest of the mountain!

For those of you who have literally climbed mountains, you know they rarely stand alone. Which means there is one right beside the first. In all the work I'd done, I hadn't even touched our pictures from Kenya. In part because you don't just come home with your own pictures but with all the rest of the teams pics too. This amounted to thousands of pictures...totally not exaggerating!

I decided that going for a second mountain top experience at 12:30am wasn't wise so I called it a night.

Then this morning at church, Merrikay presented a short synopsis of all the mission trips this summer. During the offering, a slide show of all the trips set to music was shown. All the pictures were great. But there was one in particular that got me. It was a picture of Rose and Miriam. Miriam had wrapped her arms around Rose from the side. Both the giver and the receiver of the hug, were thoroughly enjoying the moment. I love these two women. I can't go into all the reasons why this picture impacted me so much but it got me shedding a few tears.

Then to make a long story even longer... (short story people have already given up on reading this anyway) my Mom handed me a CD of pictures. My parents recently returned from visiting my brother and his family. I was already missing them.... all five. But the power of seeing a picture of them all gathered around a picnic table having a meal together was unexpectedly and intensely bittersweet. I loved seeing their smiling faces. They have all changed since the last time I saw them. It made me miss them even more than I am already missing them.

So a friend asked me this week, "What you got planned this weekend?" My answer was, "Not much, which is a nice change of pace." I'm really grateful there wasn't much planned because I enjoyed a wonderful set of circumstances that reminded me how important and powerful pictures can be.

When I get tired of climbing the mountain of sorting, editing, cropping and inserting pictures into an album, I'll try to remember, what it is like to have that moment, when a picture is truly worth a thousand words.

Keepin it Real

2009-07-31T12:48:00.000-05:00

So a couple of entries ago I admitted to having what I called Division Fatigue.

Wouldn't you know, since then God has been opening my eyes.

Shortly after that blog, it was time for me to go to church to pray. I meet up with a friend once a week to pray for whatever is on our hearts to pray about related to our church family. We usually read a passage of scripture before we begin. I flipped open my bible getting ready to flip through the pages of the Psalms. There was no need to flip...

Psalm 134

Oh, bless the Lord, all you servants of the Lord,
you who serve as the night watchmen in the house of the Lord,
Lift your hands in holiness and bless the Lord.
May the Lord, who made heaven and earth, bless you from Jerusalem.

Right between the eyes... "You've lost perspective. Keep your eyes on me. Bless me. Pray and watch."

So of course we proceeded to have a wonderful time of prayer together.

God wasn't done yet. In addition to already discovering I had division fatigue I was confronted with the possibility of facing three significant losses. God has the ability to make all three of them go away. Turn them in the direction I want them to go... surprised to be faced with all of them at once.

not fair
please don't do that
why can't life be easy?
shoot
i don't like being vulnerable

So I decide to be in those thoughts long enough to act like an idiot. Only family got to witness the melt down.

A couple of days pass... then last night I was reminded again. The Lord knows. Not your plan necessarily but trusting God has never gone badly over the long haul yet. And, by the way Cheri, God is responsible for working all this stuff out. Your responsible to worship, learn to love God and trust, accept His will and follow. Please stop pouting when you don't get your own way. Your family will experience fewer melt downs. (Can I hear an Amen from Dave and Matt?!)

So grateful for my sisters in the Lord who were a part of helping me through this week. It really does take a village to grow me up!

Faith

2009-07-29T21:29:00.001-05:00

I've been hanging out in the book of Esther this summer. The study I'm doing is written by Beth Moore. As usual, I've enjoyed her insights. She works so diligently on these studies and out of that comes some very meaningful observations and connect the dot kinda insights on God, his people and his enemies.

One observation is that we often want and look for really powerful moments of calling. She asked us instead to consider, that there are very small moments when we quietly choose faith instead of fear. That in a simple act of surrender and obedience that it might just lead to way more than we ever expected. I'm paraphrasing Beth's words here but think I've been faithful to the idea she was trying to get across.

Life is an accumulation of moments. Choices considered and then made. God wants to be in the midst of all of them the small, medium and large decisions. I think one of the ironies of life might be that we think we know which ones are small, medium or large and maybe we don't know much of the time.

I can think of at least one occasion where I made a decision to walk by faith into what I thought maybe God wanted me to do. That moment turned out to be the beginning of real change in my life. I look back now and think, of course that was God asking me to follow. But in the moment it felt like maybe. The evidence so to speak came later. Not sure what would have happened if I'd waited to be 100% sure.

Is that even possible and have faith be a part of it? Maybe if your waiting to be sure, your missing part of the point? Something I'll be thinking about more.

Right now, I'm stepping out in faith on something. Don't think I'm going to know for sure whether or not its really a good thing until months from now. Seriously walk on water kinda stuff for me.

Do you think God is asking you to get out and walk and see what happens? Hope so!

Division Fatigue

2009-07-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

I have it.

Doing the only thing I know to do about it... praying.

2009-07-17T11:04:00.000-05:00

I'd just like to say, that I just became aware of something my kid did, that well, made my day... maybe my week.

I knew, when I was very bad at being the mother of a toddler, that one day I would love being the mom of a teen. Turns out that wasn't vain hope. It was/is true!

Matthew Thomas- I love you and I am so glad you are a part of my world!

Wasn't even on the list...

2009-07-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

For as long as I can remember, people have been mentioning some version of that list. The one where people write down all the things they want to do before they die.

In some ways, I'm not a big planner. I didn't have my wedding day planned out years before it happened. I didn't have a list of requirements for a husband. I didn't really have an adventure list either. It might be counter intuitive for an adventurer to make a list of adventures they'd like to experience. At least it is for this one.

Even though Mutual of Omaha was kinda a big deal in my family growing up. I never gave 10 seconds thought to going on a Safari someday. So what I'm about to say seems a little hypocritical but, I think you should give it more than 10 seconds of thought and maybe even put it on a list somewhere. Or, you could go with the option of trusting there is going to be an outstanding group of Safari companies on the "new earth".

I wasn't even that convinced about going on a Safari when we headed out of the guest house in Nairobi. We were hot and tired...very tempted to think I wish we were headed home now. But when we got to the airport, they gave us this cool bag with lots of info inside. Next we saw the Cessna we were to board and all the desires to go home disappeared.

Upon arrival, we met our guide Joseph! He was awesome - 15 plus years as a guide!

He showed us:
elephants and their babies
wart hogs
hippos
crocs
bright colored birds, birds and more birds
baboons and their babies
butterflies,
black rhino and her baby
giraffes
dozen different kinds of antelopes
water buffaloes- veggie tale song about killed me
cheetah
leopard
zebras
mating lions - yes, that's what I said
male lion surrounded by a pack of hyenas
male lion very much in charge of the hyena situation
gorgeous sunset and sunrises

That's all I can think of off the top of my head!

We had to be patient. We had to wait out hiding animals and a rain storm. Patience, however, was always rewarded!

We prayed to see certain things- one of the things on Suzi's wish list was a running Giraffe. Yep, the last morning, that is just what we saw!

If I pay attention to the words of songs that come to me, there is almost always something very telling in it. The state of my heart is revealed. The lyric that kept coming was, "O for a thousand tongues to sing, my great Redeemer's praise." After a day of this words (in between bouts of veggie tale water buffalo lyrics), I realized I was singing it because it would take a thousand voices to do justice to how I wanted to praise God... for the beauty, the creativity, the majesty and the reality that a small town girl from Kansas/Colorado was sitting in a Safari truck in Kenya, Africa. Overwhelming joy, excitement and continual anticipation!

There is no comparison to the week we had before the Safari. The most meaningful part of our trip was the time we spent with the people of Kenya. But I gotta say, the "icing on the cake" Safari was way beyond my ability to have expectations about.

To enjoy Dave's favorite pics, click on the title at the top, "Wasn't even on the list...",

or

put in- http://www.pbase.com/dhudspith/kenya_

either way should get you to Dave's Photo Web Page.

Wendy

2009-07-09T07:52:00.000-05:00

I have a friend. Her name is Wendy. Wendy and I met as Freshman at LeTourneau.

LeTourneau is strange yet wonderful bird. When we started, there were seven times more men then women. Wendy was an aviation student. She has since gone on to be blessed with a wonderful career flying airplanes.

Last fall, I got email out of the blue. We're moving to Dallas, help! Where should we live? What are the pluses and minuses of the different areas of Dallas. I'm happy to report they chose Flower Mound. As it turns out, they (Wendy, her husband Steve and their three kids: Alex, Shelby and Mikey)have also chosen my home church as their place to worship.

In the last couple of weeks I got an email labeled urgent. Wendy was asking people to pray. A tumor was discovered in Mikey's (12 years old) spinal column. They were back in Detroit, MI visiting old friends and family. So the medical treatments started there. Now they are back in Dallas and will continue care here.

I have several things I'm praying about for them. I'm asking God to heal Mikey. I'm asking for strength and patience for everyone who loves Mikey. I'm asking God to help our church family love them well through this. If you think of Mikey and his family please pray for them too.

P.S. - To my Crossroads friends, if you see their names on a name badge please don't be shy about introducing yourself. Wendy is one of the friendliest people I have ever met. She is standing on the far left side of this picture.

Leaving an impression...

2009-07-07T08:02:00.000-05:00

As we were in small groups or informal conversations, random comments or questions would come out. Below are a couple of examples:

Question: Now I've heard, and please tell me whether this is true or not. That the American government requires you to have five children. Is that true?

Comment: These people (Americans) are so different then us. They will even talk to each other about a millipede. There is something to be learned there.

Part of what keeps cross-cultural travel an adventure is you never know what might come your way. I was keenly aware that I was representing my people when I gave them a response. Knowing how challenging some of the questions were in our small group times. I wasn't as brave as some of our presenters. A few of them invited questions at the end of their presentations. They got a couple of doosies! It was fun to watch what happened because the Lord provided well stated and solid answers. So glad God provides in those moments! Maybe I'll risk opening the floor next time?!

A transition that was interesting to experience happened with the staff at the hotel. We were enthusiastically welcomed. But there was also cautiousness in the welcome and our first encounters with many of the staff members. They seemed slightly afraid of what we would be like. All of us did a great job of making eye contact and thanking them for all they were doing. Over the week you could see them relax and even truly welcome the sight of us. I was sincerely grateful for this. I wish there had been time to get to know them too.

It's kinda funny that after spending so much time praying that the Lord will help you represent Him, your church and your country well. You leave with no real idea of the kind of impression you left. Instead you come home with all these powerful impressions of the Kenyan people and their country. I now find myself wondering, how will God use the mark that has been left by them on us?

Our team.

2009-07-03T09:57:00.000-05:00

Last night the team reunited minus Merrikay who is still in Africa to be interviewed by John Newton. He's putting together a short video about our trip. Not sure when it might get shown. May just go in the archives to use before future teams leave on trips.

I don't think any of us on the team where terribly excited about being in a video. I think Dave compared it to the joy of a root canal. But as always there are unexpected blessings in doing what you don't really want to do. John interviewed each couple for about 10 minutes each. We sat and listened to each couple giving their responses. It was fun and heart warming to hear how each of us was impacted by "Impact 2009"... and to hear our hopes and prayers for the couples we left behind.

All of this has had me reflecting on what God has brought about in my life through this trip. My parents went on short-term missions trips when I was a kid. Since then, I have had the bug. My first opportunity, for a mission trip out of the country was crossing the border from SoCal to Mexico to build homes. It was a youth trip. I went on several It was a great experience but not really what I had been dreaming of doing.

About five years ago, I started to long to be able to go on a trip where I'd be able to do some teaching. At the time this desire began it seemed unrealistic for several reasons. But God did it. He got rid of all the unrealistic reasons and put together a trip for Dave and I to do together as part of a team that just "made sense".

There are a few longings in my heart right now that I'll keep between me and the Lord. But I gotta tell you. What God did before, during and now after our trip to Africa is giving me the courage to believe that if a longing of mine matches up with God's will, its gonna happen. I assure you all of them have obstables that make them seem humanly unrealistic.

It will always mean a lot to me that Dave, Mike, Joye, Paul, Suzi and Merrikay from Crossroads and Rose, Miriam and Erick from ALARM were a part of time in my life when God has given me so much reason to have so much faith!

More new friends...

2009-07-02T13:53:00.000-05:00

Today I'd like to tell you a little about Pastor Zachariah Okech and his lovely wife Mary. They have been a part of the church we attended on Sunday for a long while. But in the recent months they and their church concluded that Pastor Z and family should start a church in Malindi. Malindi is north along the coast and I understand it is a much larger community than Kilifi.

Pastor Z and Mary have several children. One of their children is in Grade 8. It is in Grade 8 that you are eligible to take a national academic test. If you pass this test you are allowed to enter a special school system. I gathered that a very small percentage of students make it. But those who do are well prepared for further education after high school. Obviously an important accomplishment that leads to more opportunities later. So even though the church has started meeting, the family still lives in Kilifi most of the time. This way their daughter will be well prepared for the national test.

So Pastor Z has been driving back and forth to Malindi, longing to be there full time. He misses his family when he is gone. And, he knows the church will do much better once he and the rest of the family are there full time. I was struck as I was listening to their situation how universal it was. Jobs pulling fathers away from home. Education as a focus and sacrifices that need to be made so the children will have as many options as possible.

They also shared with me that Malindi is a more popular place to live than Kilifi. Which means the land and buidling prices are higher. This has been a big hurdle. But they wanted me to know how much they have waited with hope knowing that if God wanted them there that he would make a way for them to have a place to live. Sure enough just days before the conference, as God seems to do frequently, through a friend of a friend, Pastor Z and his wife had taken look at a home. The house is big enough for their family, close to where the church now assembles and affordable. God has provided someone who is willing to sell his property to a pastor for less than the value of the property. They weren't surprised at all. It was fun to rejoice with them about God's provision for the work He has called them to do.

We shared a couple of meals and tea time together over the course of our week. Pastor Z is an eager learner. If our personal resources were unlimited, I would be figuring out a way to make more books and training available to him. He know that the best teaching comes from personal learning. He was really enjoying the challenges of the week. He was not afraid to be stretched and yet not going to accept everything we had shared just because we had shared it. He asked great questions!

Mary is shy but very thoughtful and delighted in communicating with me. She is a preschool teacher. She taught me some Swahili words and I taught her some new English words. I enjoyed the time I spent with both of them. We've exchanged contact information and hope to be able to continue encouraging each another. They don't have an email address yet but hope to in Malindi. So for now we're relying on snail mail.

Extraordinary

2009-06-30T15:12:00.000-05:00

We truly met some extra ordinary people on this trip.

One of them is a young man named Onesimus. The team from Crossroads met this young man two years ago. I understand as a result of being at the conference then that the Lord opened up some doors for him to receive further biblical training.

Words that describe him are bright, quick to laugh, warm-hearted, generous, and eager to encourage others.

He wasn't with us the first day because he is single. But we needed additional translators, so word got back that we needed him and that the team would love to see him again. So I believe he arrived at the end of the first day. And anyway, our new African friend Erick didn't want to be the only single guy in the room. They seemed to strike up a nice friendship over the week.

At one point I asked Onesimus how he became so good at translating. He told me that many years ago, must have been a teenager or early twenties, that he was personally hungry to hear from teachers from other places. So, he started inviting them. He had the best English skills in his church so he was it. He became the translator. He was smiling from ear to ear the whole time he was telling me. He is a young man hungry to learn.

I also observed that each of us had testimonies of being encouraged by Onesimus. It kept coming up in conversations at dinner. Each of us sharing what Onesiums had said to one of us that day. He was very articulate and enthusiastic about the need for marriage conferences in Kenya. He was genuinely pleased to be learning this material before entering into marriage.

On the last day, I asked Onesimus, "What is next for you?" He paused for a minute and then cautiously said, "I think its missions, but I don't know where." Immediately I said, "How about the United States?" He smiled and stepped back a bit. My comment had defintely taken him by surprise. Then he asked, "Is there was a program for that?" I replied, "I have no idea but you could certainly be the first Kenyan missionary to the United States." We both agreed it would be a good thing to pray about.

I don't think Onesimus would have a hard time getting a group of jadded Americans to listen to what he has to say about Jesus Christ. There is that much light coming from that young man. Can't wait to hear what God's plan for Oneisums turns out to be...

Pardon the interuption...

2009-06-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm interrupting my Kenya posts but I'm excited about something that happened today. So please pardon the interruption...

Many of you know, I've had the joy of attending two Listen to My Life Conferences. I have co-led one Listen to My Life retreat with Liz Eaton. I believe that leading retreats and classes associated with these materials is something the Lord wants me to be doing.

While I was in Africa, the website for this material was launched. I spent an hour today getting caught up via a recorded webinar on the ins and outs of their new website. It is full of resources for both facilitators and participants. If your interested, I would love for you to explore the website as well. You can find it at: www.onelifemaps.com.

I've added a link here, on my blog, under "Places to go and people to see..."

If you think of me and my desire to serve, please pray that the Lord will open doors for me to share the Listen to My Life materials with others.

And now back to Kenya...

My biggest challenge in Kenya.

2009-06-29T07:16:00.000-05:00

As we prepared for this trip I kept having questions about women teaching men and women together. A big chunk of my time in seminary got spent on the various aspects of this question. I have concluded a couple of things. I am willing to go where I am welcomed to teach but I am not interested in being a stumbling block to those who do not understand or value the need for women to be teachers of men and women in the church. God knows that if He wants me in that kind of a room teaching, He will have to figure out a way to make it very clear to me that I am required to be there out of obedience to Him.

So for this trip, there were twelve sections to the marriage conference we were leading and seven teachers. Merrikay who is single decided to teach a class on parenting. That left the six of us with two classes each to teach. We were encouraged to team teach because Paul and Suzi had done so two years ago and it had made a big impression on the people at that time.

We also prayed that we would each be teaching about something that was and has been important to develop in our own relationships. It was really amazing to see how that worked out.

As Dave and I began to prepare, we decided it was best for us if we each prepared two sections but invited the other to insert a story or observation from the other persons perspective during our presentations. Dave and I took Communication part 1 and 2 and Conflict Resolution part 1 and 2. I focused on Communication which came into the schedule on Tuesday. But Dave wasn't set to lead his sections until Wednesday. The consequences of this for me, had not really occurred to me before Sunday. It hit me kinda hard that I would be going to teach before Dave. We'd been introduced as a couple on Monday but still I wasn't to thrilled. Dave assured me a couple of times that it was okay and not to worry...hakuna matata.

Finally, I gave up worrying and accepted that this was the way it was meant to be.

When it was my turn to help Dave with his section, we realized that he had ended up with the most fill-in the blanks in the workbooks we provided. For communication purposes, communication from us to the participants, we had discovered on Monday that the fill-in words needed to be written down on a flip chart. This simple act made it much easier for everyone to get their blanks filled in. Dave doesn't like to write at all. So he was very relieved when I offered, as my part, to simply stand there and write downs all the words. In Dave's first session, I don't believe I spoke at all. At the end of that day, I was struck by the contrast. In the first session, I was the primary teacher. In the second I was totally content even happier to be in the background. I could live out both roles in contentment. It seemed important what Dave and I had modeled together.

The other couples truly shared their talks more. There was a lot of give and take throughout their presentations which was also a great model. I'm hoping on the evaluation forms there will be some comments about the way the teaching was presented.

For all the men in my life who have indicated that they value listening to a female perspective, I want to say thank you. To my Heavenly Father who orchestrated events, such that the first time I would teach in front of a mixed group, that it be in Kenya, Africa. Well, I am beyond grateful. This group was so receptive, loving and respectful to our entire team. And it all took place in such a memorable setting - in the midst of a dream come true for me.

I am so grateful for God's involvement in my life. He keeps making it easier and easier to trust Him.

A very big question...

2009-06-28T07:15:00.001-05:00

How to start talking about Kenya?
That is a very BIG question.

The people we encountered:

warm
hospitable
anxious to learn
vulnerable
certain of the existence of God
full of questions
hungry for more resources
honest about their struggles
smart
funny
hard working
multi-lingual
worshippers of God
dependent on the Holy Spirit

Kilifi, Kenya

coastal
hot and humid
fishing
tourism
15,000 or so people
corn fields under coconut trees
mud huts for homes
hundreds of tiny shops
welcoming to strangers
soccer fans
muslims
christians
call to prayer heard five times a day
mosquito nets

African Leadership and Reconcilation Ministry - ALARM

doing important work
respected
needed
excellent staff and volunteers
willing to push where biblical perspectives aren't yet embraced
missing each of them - sad we live so far apart from one another

The Father, Son and Holy Spirit

The one who made our time in Kenya possible.
The one who brought the mix of people together.
The one who prepared the way.
The one who will bring fruit to bear.
The one to whom all glory and honor and praise belong.
The ONE.

We made it back!

2009-06-24T11:03:00.000-05:00

Its so good to be home and I miss my new friends in Africa. Isn't heaven going to be great? Hopefully no need for 30 hour plane rides to see one another.

I have written 80 journal pages about the trip and I'm not even done yet. After a couple of days of resting, I'll start sharing some details about what we experienced in Africa.

Some of my first reactions to being home...

Good to see my boy/man. Good to hear his voice and see his smiling face. I missed the word Mom.

Television is a little weird. Way to much information and so much of it really isn't very important.

Hot water flowing even gushing from your showerhead is not something that should be taken lightly.

I'm jet lagged and my tummy's not very happy about something so that's all I got today. More soon...

What a day! Kilifi, Kenya

2009-06-19T09:25:00.000-05:00

We finished the week in Kilifi. Let's just say I shed a lot of tears this morning in the closing ceremony. It was hard to say goodbye. We held a renewal of vows wedding ceremony. It was beyond beautiful. To know their stories and to see them so excited about renewing their vows together was well, beyond wonderful. We managed to find roses for the women to hold. They shared communion together during the ceremony. The were a little embarrassed by, "You may now kiss your bride." Must not be a part of an African ceremony. So sweet to see their joy mixed with a tiny bit of embarrassment.

They could not have done more to express their thankfulness to us. It was incredibly humbling. They want us to bring their greetings back to America. They have asked that we return to teach them some more.

We don't know if that is God's will for us or not. But we're dreaming of teaching this material to other local churches so more teams can come and teach this material. They truly desire to have biblical marriages but they know their will be many cultural hurdles to overcome. We expressed over and over again how grateful we are that we serve a big God that can give them the courage to be different. What an amazing testimony they will have to their friends, neighbors, extended family and congregations.

We're about to get on a plane to head to Nairobi. The plan is to join Pastor Steve and the other team members at the guest house. They go on to Kawale. We head off to the Safari in the morning. We look forward to being back home again soon!

Countdown to Kenya...

2009-06-03T20:12:00.000-05:00

We leave on the 11th. One week from tomorrow. Whew! Really? Cool!

Here is the link to the blog we'll be posting comments, stories and pictures on throughout the two trips to Kilifi and Kawali:

http://crossroadstoafrica09.blogspot.com/

The first trip goes out on June 11th. I believe the second trip returns on July 5th.

Thanks for all your prayers, provisions and questions to date!

A prayer

2009-05-27T09:09:00.000-05:00

I read a prayer today that I can't resist quoting:

"Dear Lord,

Thank you for your church.

Forgive us for not knowing very much about what it means to be the body of Christ.

Forgive us our professionalism, for spending so much time on dressing up the church and make it presentable to the world, respectable to the world, or worse, marketable to the world.

Forgive us our perfectionisms as we forgive those who are perfectionistic against me.

I pray for your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Help me to understand that though I may (am) not able to align the earth to your will, I can (by God's grace) align the small part of this world that is my heart, my mind and my will.

Align my thoughts so that they become your thoughts, Lord.

Align my ways so that they become your ways.

And align my questions with the questions you would ask of me.

Help me to realize that in answering those questions with my life, I am helping to establish your reign on this earth and doing my part with great tenderness to ease the pain of those who are suffering here."

Ken Gire
North Face of God (pg. 155)

This piece alone could be the the beginning of life altering journey with Jesus -"Align my questions with the questions you would ask of me."

One, two, three...

2009-05-24T16:55:00.001-05:00

I was sitting here thinking about everything that has happened the last two weeks. So much of it seems like the culmination of a lot of praying.

Most of the monies we need to go to Kenya have been raised. (many thanks to those praying and giving)

The list of what's next for me this summer and then into the fall is coming together.

Watching God protect and work in my immediate and extended family.

Seeing a practical way for this white middle aged suburban lady to be an encouragement in Urban Hispanic teenage Ft. Worth.

Real things, not hoped for in the future things, are happening. Some fun surprises too. Never would have thought to put it on the list surprises! (Safari in Kenya)

Letting go of my own agenda for my life has been, and I'm not being dramatic, agonizing at times. It reminds me of the feeling I got when I was nine or ten and someone talked me into jumping off the high dive at the community pool. Seemed like a great adventure on the way up the ladder. Then your at the edge... The agony sets in.

Retreating is agony. Letting go of the fear is agony... which hurts less seems to be the most important question at the time. Will I jump into the pool? What if I break my neck? How did that happen to the lady who travels around the country telling her story? (Joni) Or, look at them down there, just sure I wont jump and will instead climb back down the ladder. Wont hear the end of that for a while. Might have to give up coming to the pool. Agony.

The little girl decided to trust she wouldn't break her neck and jumped. A training day for the big girl now.

Okay God, I did say I wanted an adventure. One, two, three... jump!

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

2009-05-10T11:09:00.000-05:00

"I have learned to be content." Paul

I think one of the biggest hindrances to this being true for people is our association of the words good and comfort.

Is it really good to be comfortable? I can certainly think of ways it hasn't been good.

Is is good to be always uncomfortable? I don't think so.

Is it good to think about the kinds of good that come from uncomfortable situations and relationships? Yep, I'm thinking it is.

If God seems remote and life seems uncomfortable and your not sure if good can be found there. Check out The North Face of God by Ken Gire. I think it is possible that it will be helpful.

I am learning to be content. Cheri