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Health update
Dave will attend his 5th day of chemo on Wednesday. They are being aggressive with treatment because "he handles it so well" and because that's what they know to do with Stage IV cancer. We are grateful for God's strength and that his body is responding to the treatment. Time marches on it will tell us the answer to our prayers.
My health has improved. I'm not free of the pain or it's limitations yet.
We continue to marvel over the number of people that mention they are praying for us. You are a part of God's story with us. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!
Interior journey
So much has happened spiritually and much of it feels beyond words. I'm struggling to know what to write. What would I want you to know?
God is trustworthy.
We live in a broken and dying world. I didn't know how to respect this and not drown in fear.
God is trustworthy.
I didn't realize how much of a plan I had for my life until it was threatened.
God is trustworthy.
My story is being written in a cosmos where beauty, goodness and truth will have the last say.
God is trustworthy.
All people suffer. Disciples learn about suffering that insists we let go of everything that is in the way of faith to receive the most beautiful version of this life.
God is trustworthy.
This amount of suffering creates a breaking that makes new things possible. You can surrender in order to live or refuse in order to die.
God is trustworthy.
Three summers ago, God compelled me to return to a piece of land in the mountains of Colorado that was tied to a piece of my story that created great doubt in who God was willing to be for me. As I sat in the forest and prayed God asked me a tender question. "Can we be done with the doubt?" I was surprised by the perfection of the question. Later by the perfection of being asked that question in that place. It's amazing what it took for that to happen. I knew God was up to something significant. It was exciting. It was overwhelming too. Can you believe what Jesus is willing to orchestrate for us? Jesus lit up the path forward. Follow the question. "Can we be done with the doubt?"
In the last three years, God has been leading me to see and face all my doubts and to realize where they have rooted themselves in my story. These last six months have been an intense exploration of my questions about pain and suffering. Currently, I wonder if there is anything more effective than painful experiences to uproot something that doesn't belong? My recent encounters with God have been marked by His power to conquer and uproot doubt and to melt my heart into complete surrender. I no longer fear that He is unwilling to be for me everything that I need. This has come with great grace and mercy as my degree of rebellion and doubt is more real to me than ever before.
Somehow it feels important to share these things while I'm still in the middle of something unfinished. Do not be afraid of what I am saying here. We can be tempted to fear what it will take to become faithful people in The Way of Jesus. The irony is I should have been afraid of my doubts because they were destroying me. This believing and trusting is making me alive. Let Him help you believe Him! I wonder what beautiful and good things God will do with all of this? I dare not say. It will be better than I can imagine. To be continued...
God is trustworthy.
