Wasn't even on the list...

For as long as I can remember, people have been mentioning some version of that list. The one where people write down all the things they want to do before they die.

In some ways, I'm not a big planner. I didn't have my wedding day planned out years before it happened. I didn't have a list of requirements for a husband. I didn't really have an adventure list either. It might be counter intuitive for an adventurer to make a list of adventures they'd like to experience. At least it is for this one.

Even though Mutual of Omaha was kinda a big deal in my family growing up. I never gave 10 seconds thought to going on a Safari someday. So what I'm about to say seems a little hypocritical but, I think you should give it more than 10 seconds of thought and maybe even put it on a list somewhere. Or, you could go with the option of trusting there is going to be an outstanding group of Safari companies on the "new earth".

I wasn't even that convinced about going on a Safari when we headed out of the guest house in Nairobi. We were hot and tired...very tempted to think I wish we were headed home now. But when we got to the airport, they gave us this cool bag with lots of info inside. Next we saw the Cessna we were to board and all the desires to go home disappeared.

Upon arrival, we met our guide Joseph! He was awesome - 15 plus years as a guide!

He showed us:
elephants and their babies
wart hogs
hippos
crocs
bright colored birds, birds and more birds
baboons and their babies
butterflies,
black rhino and her baby
giraffes
dozen different kinds of antelopes
water buffaloes- veggie tale song about killed me
cheetah
leopard
zebras
mating lions - yes, that's what I said
male lion surrounded by a pack of hyenas
male lion very much in charge of the hyena situation
gorgeous sunset and sunrises

That's all I can think of off the top of my head!

We had to be patient. We had to wait out hiding animals and a rain storm. Patience, however, was always rewarded!

We prayed to see certain things- one of the things on Suzi's wish list was a running Giraffe. Yep, the last morning, that is just what we saw!

If I pay attention to the words of songs that come to me, there is almost always something very telling in it. The state of my heart is revealed. The lyric that kept coming was, "O for a thousand tongues to sing, my great Redeemer's praise." After a day of this words (in between bouts of veggie tale water buffalo lyrics), I realized I was singing it because it would take a thousand voices to do justice to how I wanted to praise God... for the beauty, the creativity, the majesty and the reality that a small town girl from Kansas/Colorado was sitting in a Safari truck in Kenya, Africa. Overwhelming joy, excitement and continual anticipation!

There is no comparison to the week we had before the Safari. The most meaningful part of our trip was the time we spent with the people of Kenya. But I gotta say, the "icing on the cake" Safari was way beyond my ability to have expectations about.

To enjoy Dave's favorite pics, click on the title at the top, "Wasn't even on the list...",

or

put in- http://www.pbase.com/dhudspith/kenya_

either way should get you to Dave's Photo Web Page.

Wendy

I have a friend. Her name is Wendy. Wendy and I met as Freshman at LeTourneau.

LeTourneau is strange yet wonderful bird. When we started, there were seven times more men then women. Wendy was an aviation student. She has since gone on to be blessed with a wonderful career flying airplanes.

Last fall, I got email out of the blue. We're moving to Dallas, help! Where should we live? What are the pluses and minuses of the different areas of Dallas. I'm happy to report they chose Flower Mound. As it turns out, they (Wendy, her husband Steve and their three kids: Alex, Shelby and Mikey)have also chosen my home church as their place to worship.

In the last couple of weeks I got an email labeled urgent. Wendy was asking people to pray. A tumor was discovered in Mikey's (12 years old) spinal column. They were back in Detroit, MI visiting old friends and family. So the medical treatments started there. Now they are back in Dallas and will continue care here.

I have several things I'm praying about for them. I'm asking God to heal Mikey. I'm asking for strength and patience for everyone who loves Mikey. I'm asking God to help our church family love them well through this. If you think of Mikey and his family please pray for them too.

P.S. - To my Crossroads friends, if you see their names on a name badge please don't be shy about introducing yourself. Wendy is one of the friendliest people I have ever met. She is standing on the far left side of this picture.

Leaving an impression...

As we were in small groups or informal conversations, random comments or questions would come out. Below are a couple of examples:

Question: Now I've heard, and please tell me whether this is true or not. That the American government requires you to have five children. Is that true?

Comment: These people (Americans) are so different then us. They will even talk to each other about a millipede. There is something to be learned there.

Part of what keeps cross-cultural travel an adventure is you never know what might come your way. I was keenly aware that I was representing my people when I gave them a response. Knowing how challenging some of the questions were in our small group times. I wasn't as brave as some of our presenters. A few of them invited questions at the end of their presentations. They got a couple of doosies! It was fun to watch what happened because the Lord provided well stated and solid answers. So glad God provides in those moments! Maybe I'll risk opening the floor next time?!

A transition that was interesting to experience happened with the staff at the hotel. We were enthusiastically welcomed. But there was also cautiousness in the welcome and our first encounters with many of the staff members. They seemed slightly afraid of what we would be like. All of us did a great job of making eye contact and thanking them for all they were doing. Over the week you could see them relax and even truly welcome the sight of us. I was sincerely grateful for this. I wish there had been time to get to know them too.

It's kinda funny that after spending so much time praying that the Lord will help you represent Him, your church and your country well. You leave with no real idea of the kind of impression you left. Instead you come home with all these powerful impressions of the Kenyan people and their country. I now find myself wondering, how will God use the mark that has been left by them on us?

Our team.

Last night the team reunited minus Merrikay who is still in Africa to be interviewed by John Newton. He's putting together a short video about our trip. Not sure when it might get shown. May just go in the archives to use before future teams leave on trips.

I don't think any of us on the team where terribly excited about being in a video. I think Dave compared it to the joy of a root canal. But as always there are unexpected blessings in doing what you don't really want to do. John interviewed each couple for about 10 minutes each. We sat and listened to each couple giving their responses. It was fun and heart warming to hear how each of us was impacted by "Impact 2009"... and to hear our hopes and prayers for the couples we left behind.

All of this has had me reflecting on what God has brought about in my life through this trip. My parents went on short-term missions trips when I was a kid. Since then, I have had the bug. My first opportunity, for a mission trip out of the country was crossing the border from SoCal to Mexico to build homes. It was a youth trip. I went on several It was a great experience but not really what I had been dreaming of doing.

About five years ago, I started to long to be able to go on a trip where I'd be able to do some teaching. At the time this desire began it seemed unrealistic for several reasons. But God did it. He got rid of all the unrealistic reasons and put together a trip for Dave and I to do together as part of a team that just "made sense".

There are a few longings in my heart right now that I'll keep between me and the Lord. But I gotta tell you. What God did before, during and now after our trip to Africa is giving me the courage to believe that if a longing of mine matches up with God's will, its gonna happen. I assure you all of them have obstables that make them seem humanly unrealistic.

It will always mean a lot to me that Dave, Mike, Joye, Paul, Suzi and Merrikay from Crossroads and Rose, Miriam and Erick from ALARM were a part of time in my life when God has given me so much reason to have so much faith!

More new friends...

Today I'd like to tell you a little about Pastor Zachariah Okech and his lovely wife Mary. They have been a part of the church we attended on Sunday for a long while. But in the recent months they and their church concluded that Pastor Z and family should start a church in Malindi. Malindi is north along the coast and I understand it is a much larger community than Kilifi.

Pastor Z and Mary have several children. One of their children is in Grade 8. It is in Grade 8 that you are eligible to take a national academic test. If you pass this test you are allowed to enter a special school system. I gathered that a very small percentage of students make it. But those who do are well prepared for further education after high school. Obviously an important accomplishment that leads to more opportunities later. So even though the church has started meeting, the family still lives in Kilifi most of the time. This way their daughter will be well prepared for the national test.

So Pastor Z has been driving back and forth to Malindi, longing to be there full time. He misses his family when he is gone. And, he knows the church will do much better once he and the rest of the family are there full time. I was struck as I was listening to their situation how universal it was. Jobs pulling fathers away from home. Education as a focus and sacrifices that need to be made so the children will have as many options as possible.

They also shared with me that Malindi is a more popular place to live than Kilifi. Which means the land and buidling prices are higher. This has been a big hurdle. But they wanted me to know how much they have waited with hope knowing that if God wanted them there that he would make a way for them to have a place to live. Sure enough just days before the conference, as God seems to do frequently, through a friend of a friend, Pastor Z and his wife had taken look at a home. The house is big enough for their family, close to where the church now assembles and affordable. God has provided someone who is willing to sell his property to a pastor for less than the value of the property. They weren't surprised at all. It was fun to rejoice with them about God's provision for the work He has called them to do.

We shared a couple of meals and tea time together over the course of our week. Pastor Z is an eager learner. If our personal resources were unlimited, I would be figuring out a way to make more books and training available to him. He know that the best teaching comes from personal learning. He was really enjoying the challenges of the week. He was not afraid to be stretched and yet not going to accept everything we had shared just because we had shared it. He asked great questions!

Mary is shy but very thoughtful and delighted in communicating with me. She is a preschool teacher. She taught me some Swahili words and I taught her some new English words. I enjoyed the time I spent with both of them. We've exchanged contact information and hope to be able to continue encouraging each another. They don't have an email address yet but hope to in Malindi. So for now we're relying on snail mail.

Extraordinary

We truly met some extra ordinary people on this trip.

One of them is a young man named Onesimus. The team from Crossroads met this young man two years ago. I understand as a result of being at the conference then that the Lord opened up some doors for him to receive further biblical training.

Words that describe him are bright, quick to laugh, warm-hearted, generous, and eager to encourage others.

He wasn't with us the first day because he is single. But we needed additional translators, so word got back that we needed him and that the team would love to see him again. So I believe he arrived at the end of the first day. And anyway, our new African friend Erick didn't want to be the only single guy in the room. They seemed to strike up a nice friendship over the week.

At one point I asked Onesimus how he became so good at translating. He told me that many years ago, must have been a teenager or early twenties, that he was personally hungry to hear from teachers from other places. So, he started inviting them. He had the best English skills in his church so he was it. He became the translator. He was smiling from ear to ear the whole time he was telling me. He is a young man hungry to learn.

I also observed that each of us had testimonies of being encouraged by Onesimus. It kept coming up in conversations at dinner. Each of us sharing what Onesiums had said to one of us that day. He was very articulate and enthusiastic about the need for marriage conferences in Kenya. He was genuinely pleased to be learning this material before entering into marriage.

On the last day, I asked Onesimus, "What is next for you?" He paused for a minute and then cautiously said, "I think its missions, but I don't know where." Immediately I said, "How about the United States?" He smiled and stepped back a bit. My comment had defintely taken him by surprise. Then he asked, "Is there was a program for that?" I replied, "I have no idea but you could certainly be the first Kenyan missionary to the United States." We both agreed it would be a good thing to pray about.

I don't think Onesimus would have a hard time getting a group of jadded Americans to listen to what he has to say about Jesus Christ. There is that much light coming from that young man. Can't wait to hear what God's plan for Oneisums turns out to be...

Pardon the interuption...

I feel like I'm interrupting my Kenya posts but I'm excited about something that happened today. So please pardon the interruption...

Many of you know, I've had the joy of attending two Listen to My Life Conferences. I have co-led one Listen to My Life retreat with Liz Eaton. I believe that leading retreats and classes associated with these materials is something the Lord wants me to be doing.

While I was in Africa, the website for this material was launched. I spent an hour today getting caught up via a recorded webinar on the ins and outs of their new website. It is full of resources for both facilitators and participants. If your interested, I would love for you to explore the website as well. You can find it at: www.onelifemaps.com.

I've added a link here, on my blog, under "Places to go and people to see..."

If you think of me and my desire to serve, please pray that the Lord will open doors for me to share the Listen to My Life materials with others.

And now back to Kenya...

My biggest challenge in Kenya.

As we prepared for this trip I kept having questions about women teaching men and women together. A big chunk of my time in seminary got spent on the various aspects of this question. I have concluded a couple of things. I am willing to go where I am welcomed to teach but I am not interested in being a stumbling block to those who do not understand or value the need for women to be teachers of men and women in the church. God knows that if He wants me in that kind of a room teaching, He will have to figure out a way to make it very clear to me that I am required to be there out of obedience to Him.

So for this trip, there were twelve sections to the marriage conference we were leading and seven teachers. Merrikay who is single decided to teach a class on parenting. That left the six of us with two classes each to teach. We were encouraged to team teach because Paul and Suzi had done so two years ago and it had made a big impression on the people at that time.

We also prayed that we would each be teaching about something that was and has been important to develop in our own relationships. It was really amazing to see how that worked out.

As Dave and I began to prepare, we decided it was best for us if we each prepared two sections but invited the other to insert a story or observation from the other persons perspective during our presentations. Dave and I took Communication part 1 and 2 and Conflict Resolution part 1 and 2. I focused on Communication which came into the schedule on Tuesday. But Dave wasn't set to lead his sections until Wednesday. The consequences of this for me, had not really occurred to me before Sunday. It hit me kinda hard that I would be going to teach before Dave. We'd been introduced as a couple on Monday but still I wasn't to thrilled. Dave assured me a couple of times that it was okay and not to worry...hakuna matata.

Finally, I gave up worrying and accepted that this was the way it was meant to be.

When it was my turn to help Dave with his section, we realized that he had ended up with the most fill-in the blanks in the workbooks we provided. For communication purposes, communication from us to the participants, we had discovered on Monday that the fill-in words needed to be written down on a flip chart. This simple act made it much easier for everyone to get their blanks filled in. Dave doesn't like to write at all. So he was very relieved when I offered, as my part, to simply stand there and write downs all the words. In Dave's first session, I don't believe I spoke at all. At the end of that day, I was struck by the contrast. In the first session, I was the primary teacher. In the second I was totally content even happier to be in the background. I could live out both roles in contentment. It seemed important what Dave and I had modeled together.

The other couples truly shared their talks more. There was a lot of give and take throughout their presentations which was also a great model. I'm hoping on the evaluation forms there will be some comments about the way the teaching was presented.

For all the men in my life who have indicated that they value listening to a female perspective, I want to say thank you. To my Heavenly Father who orchestrated events, such that the first time I would teach in front of a mixed group, that it be in Kenya, Africa. Well, I am beyond grateful. This group was so receptive, loving and respectful to our entire team. And it all took place in such a memorable setting - in the midst of a dream come true for me.

I am so grateful for God's involvement in my life. He keeps making it easier and easier to trust Him.

A very big question...

How to start talking about Kenya?
That is a very BIG question.

The people we encountered:

warm
hospitable
anxious to learn
vulnerable
certain of the existence of God
full of questions
hungry for more resources
honest about their struggles
smart
funny
hard working
multi-lingual
worshippers of God
dependent on the Holy Spirit

Kilifi, Kenya

coastal
hot and humid
fishing
tourism
15,000 or so people
corn fields under coconut trees
mud huts for homes
hundreds of tiny shops
welcoming to strangers
soccer fans
muslims
christians
call to prayer heard five times a day
mosquito nets

African Leadership and Reconcilation Ministry - ALARM

doing important work
respected
needed
excellent staff and volunteers
willing to push where biblical perspectives aren't yet embraced
missing each of them - sad we live so far apart from one another

The Father, Son and Holy Spirit

The one who made our time in Kenya possible.
The one who brought the mix of people together.
The one who prepared the way.
The one who will bring fruit to bear.
The one to whom all glory and honor and praise belong.
The ONE.

We made it back!

Its so good to be home and I miss my new friends in Africa. Isn't heaven going to be great? Hopefully no need for 30 hour plane rides to see one another.

I have written 80 journal pages about the trip and I'm not even done yet. After a couple of days of resting, I'll start sharing some details about what we experienced in Africa.

Some of my first reactions to being home...

Good to see my boy/man. Good to hear his voice and see his smiling face. I missed the word Mom.

Television is a little weird. Way to much information and so much of it really isn't very important.

Hot water flowing even gushing from your showerhead is not something that should be taken lightly.

I'm jet lagged and my tummy's not very happy about something so that's all I got today. More soon...

What a day! Kilifi, Kenya

We finished the week in Kilifi. Let's just say I shed a lot of tears this morning in the closing ceremony. It was hard to say goodbye. We held a renewal of vows wedding ceremony. It was beyond beautiful. To know their stories and to see them so excited about renewing their vows together was well, beyond wonderful. We managed to find roses for the women to hold. They shared communion together during the ceremony. The were a little embarrassed by, "You may now kiss your bride." Must not be a part of an African ceremony. So sweet to see their joy mixed with a tiny bit of embarrassment.

They could not have done more to express their thankfulness to us. It was incredibly humbling. They want us to bring their greetings back to America. They have asked that we return to teach them some more.

We don't know if that is God's will for us or not. But we're dreaming of teaching this material to other local churches so more teams can come and teach this material. They truly desire to have biblical marriages but they know their will be many cultural hurdles to overcome. We expressed over and over again how grateful we are that we serve a big God that can give them the courage to be different. What an amazing testimony they will have to their friends, neighbors, extended family and congregations.

We're about to get on a plane to head to Nairobi. The plan is to join Pastor Steve and the other team members at the guest house. They go on to Kawale. We head off to the Safari in the morning. We look forward to being back home again soon!

Countdown to Kenya...

We leave on the 11th. One week from tomorrow. Whew! Really? Cool!

Here is the link to the blog we'll be posting comments, stories and pictures on throughout the two trips to Kilifi and Kawali:

http://crossroadstoafrica09.blogspot.com/

The first trip goes out on June 11th. I believe the second trip returns on July 5th.

Thanks for all your prayers, provisions and questions to date!

A prayer

I read a prayer today that I can't resist quoting:

"Dear Lord,

Thank you for your church.

Forgive us for not knowing very much about what it means to be the body of Christ.

Forgive us our professionalism, for spending so much time on dressing up the church and make it presentable to the world, respectable to the world, or worse, marketable to the world.

Forgive us our perfectionisms as we forgive those who are perfectionistic against me.

I pray for your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Help me to understand that though I may (am) not able to align the earth to your will, I can (by God's grace) align the small part of this world that is my heart, my mind and my will.

Align my thoughts so that they become your thoughts, Lord.

Align my ways so that they become your ways.

And align my questions with the questions you would ask of me.

Help me to realize that in answering those questions with my life, I am helping to establish your reign on this earth and doing my part with great tenderness to ease the pain of those who are suffering here."

Ken Gire
North Face of God (pg. 155)

This piece alone could be the the beginning of life altering journey with Jesus -"Align my questions with the questions you would ask of me."

One, two, three...

I was sitting here thinking about everything that has happened the last two weeks. So much of it seems like the culmination of a lot of praying.

Most of the monies we need to go to Kenya have been raised. (many thanks to those praying and giving)

The list of what's next for me this summer and then into the fall is coming together.

Watching God protect and work in my immediate and extended family.

Seeing a practical way for this white middle aged suburban lady to be an encouragement in Urban Hispanic teenage Ft. Worth.

Real things, not hoped for in the future things, are happening. Some fun surprises too. Never would have thought to put it on the list surprises! (Safari in Kenya)

Letting go of my own agenda for my life has been, and I'm not being dramatic, agonizing at times. It reminds me of the feeling I got when I was nine or ten and someone talked me into jumping off the high dive at the community pool. Seemed like a great adventure on the way up the ladder. Then your at the edge... The agony sets in.

Retreating is agony. Letting go of the fear is agony... which hurts less seems to be the most important question at the time. Will I jump into the pool? What if I break my neck? How did that happen to the lady who travels around the country telling her story? (Joni) Or, look at them down there, just sure I wont jump and will instead climb back down the ladder. Wont hear the end of that for a while. Might have to give up coming to the pool. Agony.

The little girl decided to trust she wouldn't break her neck and jumped. A training day for the big girl now.

Okay God, I did say I wanted an adventure. One, two, three... jump!

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

"I have learned to be content." Paul

I think one of the biggest hindrances to this being true for people is our association of the words good and comfort.

Is it really good to be comfortable? I can certainly think of ways it hasn't been good.

Is is good to be always uncomfortable? I don't think so.

Is it good to think about the kinds of good that come from uncomfortable situations and relationships? Yep, I'm thinking it is.

If God seems remote and life seems uncomfortable and your not sure if good can be found there. Check out The North Face of God by Ken Gire. I think it is possible that it will be helpful.

I am learning to be content. Cheri

God of the City - Frisco, TX

I went to a worship and prayer service last night called God of the City. Outside on a a beautiful spring evening. (Which by the way was no small thing, given the weather report at 8am that same morning.)

I'm grateful I went.

Highlights:

A call to worship - A think it was a Ram's Horn. Chills when down my back... not hard to pictures being in a desert encampment and being gathered together with this sound! It's a courageous sound. Humbling. Reverent. To powerful to be ignored. Does not belong inside a building.

The Drummers - pounding, pounding, pounding in unison - smiling from ear to ear! Incredible. A vision of unity.

Worship leaders - beautiful skin colors, dancing with joy, playing instruments with passion and joy! Leading others into the presence of God.

Participants - permission to be passionate, arms raised, heads bowed down. Brave. Praying... Repentant... Hopeful... Exhausted by lukewarmness... Ready for the church to be different.

Lyrics - Words straight from scripture set to music that reflects the mood and power of the words. Closest thing to heaven for me.

Celebration
Repentance
Hope
Calling
Remembering God... so much to remember!

Veronica, thanks for inviting me!

What is Spiritual Direction?

This has turned out to be a very important question in my life.

I was first introduced to Spiritual Direction and Spiritual Directors while in Seminary. My own initial reaction to these terms was not particularly positive. But I trusted the people who were wanting to define and explain these terms to me. The more it was explained to me the more curious I got.

Eventually, I was invited to participate in a Spiritual Direction group. A year or so after that I decided to ask the Lord to lead me to a Spiritual Director I would be comfortable meeting with. The Lord provided one in California and now again in Texas. I'm about to share a few quotes from a book I'm reading by Alice Fryling. The title is Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction. These quotes may help you to understand what I mean when I refer to these terms in the future. In some ways I am already interacting with people in this way. I believe the Lord is leading me to some additional training.

"The Beginnings of Spiritual Direction - Spiritual direction is a way of companioning people as they see to look closely, through the eyes of their hearts, at the guidance and transforming work of God in their lives. It's a practice that began in the early years of Christianity when people followed the desert mothers and fathers out to the wilderness to ask them how to know God. Over the years, spiritual direction has appeared in many faith traditions. It was kept alive in the Christian faith mainly through the Roman Catholic Church, but today the Protestant church is rediscovering it. People throughout the Christian Church, including those of an evangelical orientation, are experiencing again the gifts that God gives to his people through the loving listening and gentle guidance of spiritual directors. This gift is usually offered in the context of individual spiritual direction, but the potential for spiritual direction in small groups is a growing and promising expression of the ministry of spiritual companionship." pg. 11

My comments: The Spirit of God is the one who does the directing. A spiritual director believes God does this and is moved by God to sit there with you as you explore through words the dynamics of your relationship with God. Always grounded in the Word of God and relationship with God. Listening for questions that God may want the directed to explore more. And providing encouragement through faith in the One who is able to provide all that we need.

"Group spiritual direction provides a unique opportunity in the life o the church or community of believers. It is different from more typical conversations such as the superficial (but necessary) hi-how-are-you encounters or those that go a bit deeper but sill require out best-dressed presentations. It's also different from our conversation and groups that revolve around meeting needs (casseroles for those who are sick, babysitting for those who are tired, mission work for those who are needy). It is different from teaching Bible Study adult education classes, seminars and workshops. All of these are very good things to do. (Cheri- Essential things) But they do not provide the unique opportunity given in spiritual direction: the opportunity to be heard to have someone listen to us as we describe the milestones, detours and questions of ours own spiritual journeys." pg. 12

My personal experiences, encounters with the Lord and other believers in Group Spiritual Direction meetings and one on one times, have been life-changing encounters with God for me. Among other things they have fueled courage and faith in my time alone with the Lord and as I interact with others.

I continue to receive confirmation through the Word of God, my time alone with Him, and conversations with people in the body of Christ that I am to continue to offer a ministry of listening and spiritual companionship with others.

I wish I could convey to you how much faith it has taken to write this post. And how delighted I am to be following God on this adventure of faith!

I'd appreciate your prayers for True Hearts: Nurturing souls in Grace as I continually ask God to show me what is next for me to do. I'm attending a training program introduction night here in Dallas on the 15th and need to decide about applying or not by June 1st.

Thanks for listening!

Joy

Joy is

knowing that your son will check in with you when it's something really important.

knowing lots of really interesting, complicated and honest people.

knowing when to walk away from some thing and when to dive in head first from the high dive.

knowing God is helping you help someone else.

knowing God is crazy good as an orchestrator.

knowing your husband really did miss you when you went away.


I haven't blogged in a while because I've been spending my free time with my head and heart in some good books. I'm learning some great, keeping things in eternal perspective, stuff.

If you read this before Thursday, I'm teaching the closing session of our Thursday Bible Study. I'm excited about what the Lord has put on my heart to share. Please pray that the Lord will use my weakness for being in front of large groups for His purposes.

Relearning...

A lot has been going on lately...

I've allowed myself to get a little swallowed up... some of it has been in not so healthy ways.

Two books came my way and not by accident. They are:

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton and
George Muller of Bristol


These two books led me back to the Lord and Psalm 51:

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.[a]
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,[b]
teaching me wisdom even there.

7 Purify me from my sins,[c] and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit[d] from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

Regrouping is good. Glad the Lord didn't let me wander to far...

Kenya - June 2009

A couple of weeks ago, one of the pastors at our church asked us (Dave and me)to consider going to Kenya on a short-term mission’s trip this summer. We were surprised. We began to pray about it and asked several questions. We now believe this is something the Lord is leading us to do. We are very excited about the opportunity to be a part of His ministry in Kenya.

We are going to Kenya at the invitation of an organization called ALARM – African Leadership and Reconciliation Ministries. Their purpose: “We are an African ministry, empowering African pastors and other leaders to bring hope and transformation to their communities.” If you are interested in finding out more about ALARM their website is http://alarm-inc.org.

The primary purpose of this trip is to provide a marriage conference for pastors and their wives. Our hope is that we will be an encouragement to them as well as equip them to teach their own churches. We have always had a heart for pastors’ families and the struggles that they face in leading God’s people. This trip matches up with our desire to serve as an encouragement to Pastors and their families. For this reason, we are especially grateful to be part of this trip. There are seven members on our team each of which will be leading the conference. Our travel dates are from June 11th-23rd, 2009. The conference portion will be held over five days in the middle of the trip and will take place in the coastal town of Kilifi, Kenya.

We would really appreciate your prayers and here are several requests you can start with!

We will be equipped with every good thing to do His work (Heb 13:20-21)
All spiritual, physical and financial needs will be met (Phil 4:19)
We will be pleasing to Him in everything (1 Thes. 2:4)
We will be united in spirit, looking out for one another with love (Phil 2:2-4)
Our words will be full of grace and encouragement (Eph 4:29)
Protection for our families (Ps 91:9-10) (Matt may be in Mexico on a Mission trip at the same time)
We will be flexible and content in all circumstances (Phil 4:12)
We will be filled with compassion, kindness, humility and patience (Col 3:12)
We will be completely useful to the Master (2 Tim 2:21)
We will be light to the nations, so Your salvation may reach the ends of the earth (Is 49:6)

As we get closer to the trip, we’ll be updating you all on how things are progressing!

In His Love,
Dave and Cheri

Listen to My Life Retreat - February 2009

Recently I shared here that I was full of anticipation about an upcoming retreat.

The first words that come to mind when I think back on the retreat are: "Now to Him who is able to do so much more tnan I could ask or imagine... be all honor and glory and praise."

Things I marvel at:

The number of women that attended was the maximum the two homes could hold comfortably for sleeping, eating and enjoying the sessions together.

Some testified to being specifically prepared for this weekend and that just weeks before there was no way they could have come. This was a prayer God had led me to pray about a month before the retreat.

Some weren't to sure about the material when they received it. It felt a liitle like a bait and switch situation. In the end, all seemed grateful they had trusted Liz and my appreciation for the material and how God can use it.

The combination of people God drew was also delightful. I had prayed from the beginning that it would be a varied group of ages and interests. We had 20 somethings to 50 somethings. When God gives a vision and a desire for something to be a certain way and then you don't make it happen you just pray for it to happen. And it turns out beautifully. Well that's just awesome. And I don't mean the word awesome flipantly.

God's provision for this thing was also very touching for me to watch happen. There are two many stories to tell. I walked away knowing that God had provided people, places, food, material, His presence, His help... The goodness of God to all of us was evident to me. Does it get better?

When I think back on all the conversations with people... "Why are you going to seminary?" I have no idea. That question often left me a little empty. Then I would turn to the Lord and say surely this will all make sense someday. Well three of those days arrived last weekend. It would be impossible for me to overstate how grateful I am. All the waiting was worth it! I see God's purposes in it now. Wow! What I want to say about this is that it was a journey that took faith. And God provided the faith I needed to keep moving forward.

Once again, I am very grateful to all who have encouraged me along the way!

I will trust the Lord with my whole heart. I will not depend on my limited finite understanding. In every way I will do the best I can to acknowledge Him. Because of Him and who He is I will enjoy where the path leads next.

Which happens to be prayer meeting at 7:45am. Gotta go! :)

Anticipation

I should be going to bed right now. I've had a full day. I have an even more full tomorrow.

But I'm preparing for a retreat with my co-leader Liz. I have a lengthy to do list between now and next Friday. And I couldn't be more delighted about that.

I am so excited about all that God has done and is doing to bring this retreat together. Instead of being nervous and worried I wont get everything done, I wish it would hurry up and get here. I want to hear what the women who come are learning/hearing from God about.

Please pray that Liz and I will serve the ladies well. That we'll be great listeners and responsive to the Holy Spirit when we speak. Pray that the Lord will move and have His way in the midst of us.

Good Night

Talking with My Father: Jesus Teaches on Prayer

This is the title of a book by Ray Stedman.

In chapter one he makes these statments:

"One sign of losing communication (with God) is that we become obsessed with talk about God. When people only talk about God instead of talking with God, they demonstrate a deteriorated faith. The purpose of all faith is to bring us into a direct, personal touch with God. The mark of a decadent religions is that people become deeply engrossed in discussions about God, spending hours in lengthy, theological debate about the nature and character of God. As Martin Luther, aptly put it, "You that manifest a concern about religion, why don't you pray?""


I agree.

Why do I agree?

When you think about God and then you talk about what you think. God can be reduced in that person's life to an idea.

When you talk to God, He is a person. When you listen to/for God then you are in a relationship.

I don't believe God desires to be an idea in our lives. I believe He wants to be the most important and treasured relationship in our lives.

Prayer - conversation with God - has helped me to be in relationship with God. It is the place where I discover my doubts and I am persuaded to walk by faith instead. It is the place where I choose to not be "smart about it" and instead trust God sees better and thinks even more clearly than me. In conversation with God insights come that make me realize how uninformed I can be when left to my own "smarts". He is the Dad who sits down with me and teaches me something new.

Why do I bring this up? Because I long for people who know a lot about God to turn their attention towards wanting to be with God. I'm under the impression from the words I read in the Bible and being around people I love and respect: that being with God is a better choice than knowing as much as possible about God.

Is God drawing you to be with Him? If your honest answer to that is no, please ask Him why you believe that. If the honest answer to that is yes, please ask Him to help you respond to His invitation.

Grieving is normal.

Do you know that its okay to be sad?

Do you know that its okay to take time to heal?

Grieving is normal. Life cycles.

Birth, growth, then death and then rebirth... This can happen in any part of our lives. In any relationship. In any circumstance. In any responsibility. It can be a small thing. It can be so big you think you wont survive it.

We avoid death. We avoid grieving through the death of roles and relationships. We try to ignore death. We try to skip death. But its only after death that new life comes.

So when a part of your life is dying. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to say this makes me sad. It's okay to ask God all your questions about it. It's okay to be in a place where the only way out is to walk through it by faith in God. It's not okay to lie to yourself and say everything is alive when it isn't yet. What is good is to trust in and place your hope in God and to move you through the grieving with Him. Based on my experience, we don't get to tell God how long that should take. In all of His wisdom and goodness, He decides.

Independence is overrated.

Dependence on God is underrated.

Proverbs 3:5-6

NIV
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding in all your ways (not just a few) acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

NLT
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take."

Hope

Romans 4:18

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

To be a child of God is to have access to hope. Not all of us, in all circumstances, take God up on the access. I have a feeling, in the coming year, more of us will have opportunities to choose between hope or fear. I find this thought pretty exciting. Imagine what might happen in the church if hope or faith in God were muscles we were more practiced at using.

May 2009 be filled with hope regardless of what life on earth throws our way.

Merry Christmas 2008

A year of new beginnings...
















Dave

took on new airline customers from around the world.

began a new role on his team at work.

is learning about a new camera lens.

discovered a few new recipes (He's a great cook!)

started facilitating Bible study again after a break.


Cheri

joined the planning team for Bible study.

is starting a new ministry focused on prayer/reflection.

joined the steering team for North Texas Youth For Christ to Urban Ft. Worth.

started several new temporay jobs.

is helping her parents settle into their new home in Texas.

Matt

is sixteen and driving himself around town. Yeah! (with an occasional Yikes moment)

is playing the bass guitar in a new youth praise band at church.

is a working man now, ten hours a week at Schlotzsky's Deli.

joined the Air Force ROTC at his High School.


God's presence has been a very real part of 2008 and we look forward to walking with Him in 2009.

We sincerely wish you a very Merry Christmas and a joyful New Year!


Dave, Cheri and Matt

Things I thought...

... I would never do:

blog

climb a 14,000+ ft peak (fourteeners in Colorado speak)

be cross-cultural here in America

break a compulsive TV habit

survive parenting a toddler

Those are a few things that come immediately to mind. The reasons I thought I wouldn't do them are very different. It's funny to me how irrelevant the reasons are now. They seemed so legitmate at the time. It's also intriguing to think about what changed my perspectives. There is a common theme in that. They were all changed by my relationship with the Lord.

I've been wondering something this morning, "What do I currently expect I will never do, but someday, because of God, will do?" Life being an adventure matters to me so I hope it turns out to be a long list!

The Prince of Peace

A title I was tempted to ignore… to unrealistic or something.

Until, I saw…

the peace of God rest on a couple previously tempted to abandon one another

the peace of God in a mothers eyes who lost a child to death

the peace of God change a restless heart into a directed heart

the peace of God help a recently blinded man and his wife accept his new condition

the peace of God in the eyes of a woman called to “ insurmountable problems” in inner city Phoenix.

There are many people who hope for world peace at this time of the year. We long for peace to reign. One day we are promised that He, The Prince of Peace, will on all occasions and in every circumstance reign.

Today, I just keep looking for signs of His peace in one life, one story at a time.

One thought leads to another...

Seems like my facebook time is killing my blog time.

For some one over 40 that seems like a really funny statement. I'm in some kind of twightlight zone. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it just different? Can you believe what we spend our time doing? And that in some strange undefineable way its actully useful and even relational.. While sometimes it is distracting and escapist its also fun, enlightening and meaningful.

I had no idea how important that typing class in highschool was going to be...

The other day I said to my husband, "Is it wrong to love your phone?"

I can email, text and oh yeah occasionally actually talk to people on it.

So far I largely use it as a tool for efficently setting up face time with people...

Even that expression "face time", when I see those words it makes me think of when we lived in California. While I was very grateful for things like unlimited long distance phone minutes I also hated being on the phone and longing to just see my friends eyes light up or their smiles in real time. I didn't want to imagine it. I wanted to see it. I hope "face time" always remains important to me.

I think its one of the reasons I love facebook so much. Friends around the country who I would have no chance to see are "seeable" via their various albums each and every day. We get to enjoy much more than the annual Christmas letter.

Maybe the Christmas letter will die soon. Is that good? Is that bad? My bet the vote on that is that it's good.

I just have to get all my friends to sign up for Facebook and then I can journey guilt free through late November and early December without the stress of what on earth to put in the Christmas Letter.

Let the recruiting begin...

Gentleness

God keeps bringing this up lately...

I do not have a gentle and quiet spirit. If you think you see that in me I can tell you for 100% sure what your seeing is God.

Since I've sensed this is an area that I need to learn more about I've had way to many opportunities to trust God for gentleness.

As always if I'm walking in tune with Lord it goes well. If not, I'm not gentle but instead harsh. Actually I think all that has happened is that the Lord just keeps showing me the habits of harshness I've always had. It's not pretty. I don't want to be harsh anymore. I really want to have a strong, trusting and gentle heart.

One of the verses that's helping me recently is 1 Timothy 6:11:

But you , man of God (daughter of God), flee from this (evil, rebellion)and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love and gentleness.

What I love about gentleness is that it really is about loving the other person. And, I'm very appreciative that the Lord chooses to interact with me in gentleness.

Does anyone else ever get tired of the fact that there is always something more to work through? Sigh...

Out of my head and into my life.

I was blind but now I see
waiting is what you asked of me

Trust me, believe me is what you said
I want you to stop trusting just what is in your head

But what if I get it wrong?
Will I have a place to belong?

Yes my dear child, I'm preparing a way
A path of life you wont understand in a day

I will not forsake you, I will not let go
But I will ask you... to die so my life in you may flow


Last weekend, during a retreat called "Listen to my Life" we were given some time in the afternoon to simply enjoy being with the Lord. While I was sitting outside enjoying a beautiful fall afternoon the words above were what came to me.

I have been praying for a while now for a tool to use that would help me share with others what God has been doing in my life. I have been overwhelmed by the idea that I might have to write such a thing. This past weekend God provided the material that I knew I needed to move forward with a ministry that will be called True Hearts - Nurturing souls in Grace. It took Sharon and Sybil five years to put it all together. I couldn't be more pleased that God brought into my life just what I was asking for. God keeps proving to me over and over again that he provides what we need. So good to be his daughter.

Pray that I will be faithful to move ahead as God is leading...

This album is free to November 1st -I'm lovin' every song!

Artist compelled to share with all of us...

Raspberry Mountain Wilderness Lodge

I grew up in the church. I am 41 years old. I have probably attended, over the years 60 retreats, maybe more. I have just gotten back from a very unique retreat. And yet there were things about it that were delightfully typical:

beautiful location- mountains of Southern Colorado
great hikes
lots of women in one place
games
laughter
tears
fire pit
smores
Amazing Grace
development of inside jokes, "Bless your heart"
prayer
Psalm 103

And yet it was different...

Here were some of the firsts for me on a retreat:

adventures on ATVs (All Terrain Vehicles)
cattle in the high country meadows
calves at play and grampa cow always working to catch up
an engagement annoucement
hot tubbing
Yoga
movie watching in a state of the art theatre room
women actively trying to get to know all the other women there

But best of all the home we stayed in was a work of art. It was beautiful. It honors God's creation. It invites you to dream big dreams... It was obviously built with love thinking always of all that would cross its threashold.

Our hostess was the embodiment of hospitality and loving sacrifice in every possible way.

The combination of these two realities did something to us, her guests. Our souls were opened up in beautiful ways. We were free to be generous with each other as she and the Lord through her had been generous to us.

I have never perosonally been more impacted or watched others be more impacted by this gift. There are passages in the book of Acts that will forever mean more to me than they ever meant before.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above you heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Update on Terry

I am writing to let you know that the doctors have been able to figure out what was going on with Terry. After many tests, there is a fairly easy solution that will restore his health. We are very grateful for this outcome!

We are grateful for the answers to prayer that God has provided!

Terry

My brother's name is Terry.

I know, isn't it cute our names rhyme. It came in handy when Mom was calling us. We both responded to a positive tone. We both assumed it was the other one when it was "the somebodies in trouble" tone.

My brother is a couple of years younger than me. We were very typical. Liked each other but also liked a good fight. Road trips were especially interesting. We lived in Kansas when we were little and there was no place to far for Mom and Dad to drive us. So we got some serious "don't cross that line" time in the car.

As we grew up we both were led to leave Colorado for college. We were both led to Christian Universities. Terry went to Northwestern in Minnesota. He married a local girl and they are very happily settled up there.

Terry is a youth pastor. I love his heart for the Lord and people. We have great talks over the phone. Processing what the Lord is up to in each of our lives. Encouraging each other to press on and delighting in what we each enjoy about ministry. He is more than my brother. He is a dear friend.

This week he called to tell me something serious was up with his health. He discovered this while swimming to shore dragging a kyack because he another person had accidentally flipped is on one of his adventures. He heart and lungs weren't working right. After we got off the phone I was horrifyied by the thought that it could have been my dear sister-in-love calling me to tell me Terry drowned in the lake and we can't figure out why.

Before that moment, I thought I already knew how much I love my 6ft 3in "little brother". Turns out I didn't. I couldn't imagine and still can't not having him to call. So now I know better how much I love him.

The doctors have made progress figuring out what's going wrong. He'll be feeling better soon. And all of us who love him will be more appreiciatve than we've ever been before.

I wish I knew why it takes events like these for us to know how much we love and are loved.

I'm always fascinated when the very thing we would never wish on somebody it the very thing that teaches was we need to know.

To those who knew what was going on with Terry this week, thanks for praying!

It's essentially over...

Well, I just wrote the closing paragraph to my final paper for seminary.

I cried through most of my conclusion. My final paper ended up being a journey paper. Where was I on numerous topics before I entered seminary and where am I now. Pretty cool process for your last paper. God's beautiful sense of timing shows up once again.

I cried because I am so overwhelmed with what the Lord has shown me over the last few years. What a joy it has been to work through what I believe, or don't believe or want to believe. And to go through all that experiencing God and his love for me through each question or revelation.

I have read again through the greatest book ever written. I have read many great books about the greatest book. I have sat under great teachers. They were great mostly because they love God and they want others to love God too. They wanted to teach me what God had taught them so I could pass it on to others. No earnest question was ever dismissed some led to the best conversations I've ever had.

Many people have encouraged me along the way. I have been thinking of many of you today as I have been writing. I have to give my dear husband a word of appreciation here. He has listened to me think through so many things. We couldn't even begin to count the number of times I said, "Oh honey you've got to listen to me read this..." It's been a sacrifice that my family has for the most part joyfully endured. May I do as well for them as they have done for me.

Soon my diploma will be in the mail and I'll be looking for suggestions about what to read next. However, that will come after I get through the pile that is already on my desk... :)

Thank you so much for your encouragement along the way!!

Much love,
Cheri

Ending... Beginning

Summer's over...

Tonight's the night its over... bittersweet.

The new schedule starts tomorrow. I love new schedules. New beginnings... Fresh starts...

Fall was my favorite time of year as a kid. Since moving to Texas and being highly allergic to Fall here, its a little hard to say its my favorite. At least not until that first cold snap hits in say late October.

But I do still really love the new challenges and new people that come with new beginnings.

I hope something new is starting up for you in the near future!

Grace and Peace

Blessing

Living Proof Ministries was able to send me the blessing I mentioned in my previous entry. Here it is...

My Dear Sister
You are a woman of substance
Called by Jesus Christ
To share the secrets of His kingdom.
Treasure the wonderHis Word is life
Protect your heart
It's God's holy dwelling
Expect the test
It proves you're not a fake
Dig the roots
Your God loves you
Stop the choke
Be a warrior, Not a worrier
Retain the Word
It makes you competently competent
Then with faith, And a fiery passion
Press forth, sweet one,
To the great glory of Jesus
To your 100-fold
You, go girl!

Marveling at God's timing

I was blessed to attend the Simulcast event that Living Proof Ministries hosted this weekend. It was one of those "meant to be" occasions in my life. Its a small story how I even got there.

Anytime you go some where and the music is beautiful and the words of the music are straight from scripture and the teaching is based on the word of God your bound to come away encouraged. But this was more than that.

Five or so years ago, I took a study written by Beth called Believing God. Life changing for me. It was during that study that I became convinced God was asking me to go to seminary.

I walked into this weekend with some unresolved questions. I asked God my questions again. It was a little like there were two conversations going on. The one I was having with the Lord that relates to what I've learned from Beth in the past but still struggle to understand. And then the second conversation which was what Beth was bringing to us this weekend which was also very applicable to my life now.

Then the two conversaions collided. I received an answer to my central question with a Scripture reference and everything :). After taking my answer in, it made what Beth was saying this weekend so much more meaningful. It all resulted in feeling and knowing I am more free to move forward that I have felt for a long time. In essence it was a commissioning service.

After we in pairs finished speaking a blessing into each others lives. It hit me this was my graduation from school. This was the ceremony. I've asked Living Proof if I can have a transcript of what took place at the end. If I receive it. I'll post it here.

I'm telling you all this because we're friends and well today was kinda a big day for me.

But I'm also saying this because I want to encourage you again to humbly ask God to answer your questions. If you believe there is an intentional delay in the answer and yet feel led to keep asking. Keep asking. Marvel at all God will do to bring you His answer and the timing of it.

Blessings!

Alive ...dead...alive again!

Everything always descends to ritual.
Relationship reduced to action is void.
An invitation is received inviting me back to a heart to heart chat.
There I am accepted, loved, embraced, taught and inspired.
We lock hands and journey once more into action.
The void is filled and life begins again.

Good to be gone... good to be home.

I'm sitting here thinking that two weeks is terribly hard to summarize when so many great things took place:

• My class was awesome - great material, great professor, great classmates.

• Reunions were very enjoyable with meaningful conversations.

• Dolphins at the Pier never seems ordinary, especially when there are baby dolphins. What a blessing!
  

• A local church hosted the author of The Shack. I went to two meetings. If you get a chance to hear him speak in person about his own story of redemption I highly recommend you take it, the book will be better understood and/or carry deeper meaning for you.

• My family missed me and I missed them. It's good to know you really do like each other.

The theme of the last couple of weeks has been this: It turns out science/reason hasn't been able to answer every question that people have. Our culture has gone looking for spiritual answers to their yet unanswered questions. This shift in focus in the western world has meant that Christians need a better understanding of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It has been a humbling adventure to explore what I believe and others believe about the life we live in the power of the Holy Spirit. I look forward to the journey continuing...

By the way for all the book lovers that live in my area. The Lewsiville Library offers free interlibrary loan. They have relationships with all kinds of libraries. I've heard that it is pretty rare book that they can't get a hold of for you. If that's true that makes my heart very happy! I'm testing it out this week. I requested four books for the paper I need to write.

Hope your getting some time this summer to relax and enjoy friends and family!

Gift from God

God delivered a really nice gift to me yesterday.

I had to go pick the gift up at the airport. :)

I found out about the arrival time Sunday via the phone. My presence at the airport was requested at 4:30 pm on Monday. Perfect, I get done with work at 4:00pm.

So what was the gift? My first godly friend arrived back into my life. Her name is Carmen. She was one year ahead of me in high school.

We have a friendship that always involves a heart to heart about what God has been and is up to. We marvel together at what God is doing for and through the other. It never stops amazing us that we can go without seeing each other for years and then pickup exactly where we left off.

All was not perfect, it seemed we were hopelessly lost while getting her to her hotel. We made it there an hour later than we planned. But the Lord provided what we needed to get there safely, a wonderful husband with access to Google maps and a police officer. It was an adventure.

At one point, I said to Carmen if you haven't started praying yet now would be the time to start. Then I commented that I wondered what we were supposed to be learning from our journey. Carmen thought for a while and said, "to be thankful in all things." She was right. When we got off the highway she broke into a praise song. I joined her. Later I was reminded of all those hours spent together in choir.

We have another story to laugh about more later.

We saw the goodness of God in our reunion and in her eventual delivery to the front door of her hotel.

Actually, I've been a little blown away the last few weeks at all that God seems to be up to. I have found everything a little difficult to keep track of and take in. Sometimes walking with God feels painfully slow and involves so much sitting and waiting. Other times, like now it feels like a very long sprint. I'm wondering when I'm going to get a chance to catch my breath.

Something new...

Have you heard of writer's block?

Well I think I have reader's block. I think I've finally done it. I've read to much.

The timing is interesting. I'm starting class next week and I have three books plus professors notes to read.

Usually, I can focus while reading just about anywhere. But lately I can be in a room with no noise and have to read word by word, out loud and slowly in order to comprehend anything. Hmmm...

Maybe there's some cool stuff I'm not supposed to read through quickly in this last class.

Maybe turning 40 just became more than a number...

I'm grateful the Lord will help me whatever the reason.

What are you grateful the Lord is helping you with?

Trinity Arts Conference

I just got back from a conference put on by a group of artists who desire to encourage creativity in the Body of Christ.

It was a very hospitable group of people. A joy to be around.

These are people who intentionally make time in their lives to discover how God wants to reveal himself through a partnership of creativity with them.

Some are very experienced. Others like me are just getting up the nerve to slip into the back of the room... so to speak.

I've discovered some things about me which are new to me. I don't know what these discoveries might mean. I am actually shockingly thankful I don't know. I'm going to trust God will keep revealing what He wants me to see and do it a little at a time. I hopeful that what God is opening up for me will both help me to walk closely with Him and be a benefit to others.

As I think of you, I am curious what brings both joy and meaning into your life?

If your honest answer to that question, after you say in your head all the things you know you should say, is ... nothing. Then let me encourage you by saying, I have been there. By God's grace, I'm not there anymore. I truly believe God wants to lead you out of that place as well. Jesus said and is still saying, "Come, follow me." Let Him lead you to what it is that allows you to express and experience both joy and meaning.

Nothing important

I'm grateful that I've finished another class for school.
I'm grateful for the time recently spent with family and friends.
I'm grateful Dave spotted a giant fish in the pond and two huge turtles, it made him very happy!
I'm grateful Matt gets a break from school for the summer.
I'm grateful for air conditioning.
I'm grateful for the things on my calendar the next few weeks.
I'm grateful for walking trails and lakes.
I'm grateful my husband had mercy on me when I dropped my dear sweet Ipod. That was very sad moment. Call apple is not a good message on your Ipod. Another one is on the way.
I'm grateful for all the music and talks on my Ipod and what they do for my soul.
I'm grateful ...

Ok, maybe I did have something important to think about and say...

Grateful's good.

Hope your grateful list is long too!

Estes Park, Colorado

I'm going to one of my earthly homes this summer. Estes Park, Colorado. My Mom found a house for the 10 of us to rent this summer for a few days. I spent my High School years in Estes Park.

Since its located in Northern Colorado and my parents have settled in Central Colorado I don't make it back to my home turf very often.

What a joy to be with there with my Mom, Dad, Brother and all the additions that God has brought to our little family.

This place means a great deal to me. Growing up in the mountains was a unique privilege that I don't take lightly. The people who live there are outdoor adventurers, risk takers and admires of God's handiwork. Those people and their passions made a very big impression on me.

Most importantly God made a bigger impression. How can you not be wowed by Him when your seven mile commute into school everyday brings you to vistas that never cease to inspire? Majesty, beauty, strength, wildness, dependence, the brilliance of snow covered trees...

In August I will go and remember with family and old friends, and be grateful to rediscover it with the next generation of our family. A blessing indeed!

What get away are you most excited about this summer?

All figured out...

This week I signed up for my last class at Fuller Theological Seminary.

I am very excited about this last course. The title of it is Participation in the Ministry of Christ. I could not be more excited about the description of the course and its desired learning outcomes. It matches up so beautifully with what has been most enjoyable and challenging about my journey through seminary.

I will return to Southern California for two weeks in July to complete the course. The Lord, through his wonderful people, has provided gracious hosts and even transportation for me while I'm there. I'm looking forward to many wonderful reunions.

One friend will just be arriving back from Israel so I'll get to see all her pictures and hear her stories. I'm very grateful for the timing of this because we believe the Lord wants all three of us to travel to Israel with our church next spring. So it will be fun to hear about her experience and I'm sure will get me even more excited about our upcoming trip.

Another friend will just be returning from co-leading a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. I am excited to be praying with her about some specific things and can't wait to hear how God worked through her and in her on that trip!

That's just a couple of the conversations I hope to have.

As I reflect back on the last five years and look forward into the near future, I realize how much of an adventure my life with Christ has become. He has called me to follow him by faith to places that were unknown and intimidating. He keeps asking me to continue living my life that way. It has gotten a tiny bit easier to follow the Lord into these places because His love and faithfulness have only get more obvious. For that I am very grateful.

I know what it is like to feel stuck. I hated that feeling. Let me encourage you that if your feeling that way to ask God to show the way out that He has for you. Whatever challenges that journey brings will be worth whatever cost you might have to pay.

Continuing the adventure...

Indifference or love?

The opposite of love is not hate it is indifference.

I read this statement in The Shack this morning. Its not the first time I've contemplated this idea.

Love teaches us to not be indifferent to God and to others. Love teaches not to be indifferent to ourselves. There is much that needs attention paid to it.

This is one of the reasons that I believe prayer matters. Talking to God gives our relationship with Him a chance to matter. It matters that I say thank you. It matters that I worship the Lord with words and songs. It matters that I seek wisdom from God. It matters that my friends are hurting or seeking and that I talk to the Lord about those things. It matters that I look back and think about the motivations behind the things I did that I don't want to do in the future.

Some days I convince myself it doesn't matter. I become indifferent. I choose not to love. That is sad and prideful.

I do not want to be indifferent and absent of love. I'm grateful God knows when I get there and that He pulls me back. He loves me back.

Where are you indifferent to God? Where are you indifferent to people? Talk to God about it and be in awe of what happens next. Or, if you don't feel like talking try just sitting with Him.

Maturity

Quote:

Jesus has a different view of maturity: It is the ability and willingness to be led where you would rather not go. Henri Nouwen


So when do we believe enough in Christ to go where we don't want to go? When have you believed enough to go to such a place? How did God meet you there? What did you learn about God or yourself or both together?

The answer to these questions must have endless possibilities and fantastic stories.

I marvel at how long and patiently and artfully the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are willing to work for us to trust God enough so that we will go places we do not want to go.

Honest Conversation

I had a conversation yesterday with my son.

It may be one of the most important we ever have. Both God and lies were intensely at work in what what going on.

Honest tough questions got thrown my direction. Sincere thought through and completely believed by me answers got served back in his direction. Praise God, his heart and mind connected with what I shared with him.

I saw my son move from doubt back to faith, hopelessness back to courage, from anger to love. It was one of the greatest privileges of my life to be in that conversation with him.

Class

When I signed up for my New Testament Class this spring. I was excited because I thought I'd have a lot to write about related to what I'm learning in the class. I'm learning too much. It's hard to condense all that I'm learning right now into a blog entry.

However I have new appreciation for Paul. Jesus Christ swept into Paul's life and changed every perspective he had. Once he could see with new eyes he was tenacious about getting the word out. He was full of compassion and zeal and love for his formerly sworn enemies - the Gentiles. He wanted everyone to understand what God was revealing to humankind through Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons why I wanted to go to seminary is the experience I am having in this class. What is the big picture? Each time I get a glimpse of how one book of the Bible fits in with all the books I see the picture better than I did before. So far it blows me away every single time. God is beyond big. God inspires awe. The way God has moved through history to reveal himself is breathtaking. Once again, short on words that match what is going on in my soul.

Urban Youth in Ft. Worth

I am involved in helping a ministry get set up in Ft. Worth to urban youth. At this point, I am working behind the scenes and haven't met any of the kids yet.

This week I'm going down to meet some of them and leaders of other organizations that are already investing in this community.

The area we're focusing on has huge needs and limited resources.

We're praying for adults who will be willing to reach out to these kids in ways that will bring hope and inspire courage. It takes courage for these kids to move from living out of fear to living out of truth-faith, hope and love.

We're praying for the kids to have receptive hearts to the Gospel. We're praying for ideas that will help them be involved in solutions that bring healing to their community. There is so much need for healing.

I am praying the Lord will reveal to me what, how and when He wants me to be involved.

If the Lord lays it on your heart to pray for any of this, please do.

The deck...

Some things are just so easy to be grateful for.

Our deck is one of those things.

Dave and I just restained it. We added some pots and some herbs for Dave's cooking adventures and flowers.

My idea to paint a poker table that was left behind by the previous owner was a bust. It warped horribly while outside in the weather this winter. So I recently picked up a new table a few weekends ago. I was so grateful that I found an inexpensive one that matched the chairs we already had at the first store I went into. Some people are very skeptical about shopping gifts from God but it felt like one to me.

I love starting my morning with some time outside. I love enjoying God's creations. And ending the day having conversation with Dave or Matt or both on the deck.

Gifts are meant to be shared, so come over some morning and let's have a cup of coffee together. But you'll have to put up with how much my dog loves all people. :)

What's the place you enjoy the most?

All in one sitting...

I started taking a class a few weeks ago. I'll be going through Acts - Revelation in 10 weeks.

Oh, my goodness!

At the beginning of each week, my professor asks us to read one or two books of the New Testament in one sitting.

Intentionally, I have read them in the New Living Translation because I rarely use it and it's easy to read. It helps me to avoid jumping in with all my preconceived notions when its in language that is a slightly different from how I usually read it. I have been pleasantly surprised at what I have discovered by doing this. Themes jump out that I haven't noticed before. Change of mood is more easily discerned. I think I will continue to do this when I sign up for a Bible Study class at church. If I lead a study again, I will ask those taking the class to do this. I really think it gives insight that doesn't occur a few verses or a chapter at a time.

Gotta get back to Romans and Paul and Greeks.... :)

Humility and Confidence

Here are some phrases in 2 Corinthians 2-6 that jumped out at me as I read through these chapters recently:

2 Cor. 2:6 to the one a savor from death unto death; to the other a savor from life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things?

2 Cor. 3:5 not that we are sufficient of ourselves, to account anything as from ourselves; but our sufficiency is from God;

2 Cor. 3:12 Having therefore such a hope, we use great boldness of speech,

2 Cor. 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves

2 Cor. 5:6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.

2 Cor 5:16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.

2 Cor. 6:4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses;

2 Cor 6:10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

I have a dilemma. Just yesterday I was talking and praying through this dilemma with my prayer partner. Recently I find myself caught in the middle of two ideas. I am caught between the truths that God desires our service to come from humility. And yet, Paul doesn’t have any trouble expressing him self boldly with believers.

Humility and boldness do not yet belong in the same sentence for me. God has been working on breaking my pride down for some time now. I used to hate the words submission and obedience. Up until four or five years ago, I wouldn’t have been honest enough with you to tell you that. But God knew. He allowed, even invited some pretty tough stuff into my life, so He could love me through the need for transformation regarding those two words. The tough stuff was very humbling stuff. The amazing result of that loving discipline is that I don’t hate the words submission and obedience any more. I value what humbling situations and an attitude of humility has done for making my heart teachable. This whole experience has been mostly internal. Spoken out loud only to my husband, my prayer partner and one on one conversations with those who have sought to know what God is doing in my life and desire a deep and loving relationship with the Lord for themselves.

Paul’s example of boldness and confidence confuses me. When my mindset switches to those two words, it is very difficult for me to continue to embrace humility. Boldness and confidence are associated with experiences from moments when I wasn’t feeling humble at all. Things like playing high school and college volleyball, passing the CPA exam, solving problems for business clients etc. God has given me natural leadership skills. For the longest time those were used from a place of pride. Even though, I now know that all that I am and all that I offer comes from God. When I switch into some of those leadership behaviors with people beyond my close circle, those that know my heart well, I battle with pride. I don’t like battling with my pride so I tend to shrink back and not want to engage.

I appreciate these verses from 2 Corinthians, Paul expresses with certainty that his confidence comes from the Lord. He ministers with confidence not from a place of arrogance but because he wants everyone to know the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He wants believers to know what God expects of their lives as believers.

One of the verses says, “Regard no one from a worldly point of view.” I think this may be one of the keys I have been missing. I get tripped up when I regard others and my interactions with them in ministry from a worldly point of view. I’ll be asking the Lord to help me change in this area.

Lord willing, I want to get to a place where I can express with boldness and confidence my faith, my walk and certainty that I am just the messenger. Any goodness in me comes from God dwelling in me. I’m asking the Lord to help me understand all this better. I’m also asking the Lord to help me have humble reactions to people when what their saying things that tempt me to feed my pride in myself rather than God. I want to replace those with genuine feelings of awe over what the Lord is doing.

Books! I like 'em a lot.

Since I did an intensive class in January, I've had a few months to read whatever. That has been a nice freedom. A thought or two on the books I've picked up:

90 Minutes in Heaven - I was a total skeptic. Then someone handed it to me. I'm glad I didn't miss this one.

Running with Horses by Eugene Peterson. I believe it has been around for a couple of decades. He reflects and interacts with the book of Jeremiah. I love Jeremiah.

What's so Amazing about Grace? by Phillip Yancey. Believe it or not I have avoided this one for some reason. I don't really even know why. I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. It was suggested in a class I am taking at church.

Love beyond Reason: Moving God's love from your head to your heart by John Ortberg. This one came out in 2001. I like the way John Ortberg writes.

Reaching for the Invisible God by Phillip Yancey. This one is tough for me. Yancey is a serious skeptic at heart. He lays that journey out there. I've been reading it because I have a couple of serious skeptics in my life. I can tend to be the other extreme. But when you measure your level of faith by how you actually live your life. All of us are skeptics on some level.

Why do I read so many books? The number one reason. Not everybody in my world wants to engage in conversation about the Lord and their walk with the Lord. With those that do our schedules often get in the way. That's sad. I really enjoy picking up a book and listening to someone else's journey. I gain new perspectives. My own are sometimes reinforced sometimes challenged.

So if you've been thinking that you'd really like to do some reading, I say go for it.

I will return to my assigned reading list! :)

Blessings!

Easter

Easter means love beyond our ability to comprehend.

Easter means life beyond our ability to imagine.

Easter means joy beyond our ability to express.

Easter means hope beyond our ability to see.

Easter means grace beyond our ability to be sufficiently thankful for.

Relearning...

So I've discovered one of the problems that goes with blogging about your personal walk with God. If it turns out you were only partially right on something, in order for the blog to be truthful as a whole you feel an obligation to share what you've learned later on. In this case it will be humbling.

A few posts ago I shared what took place in my life over a seven day period. At the end of the seven days, I was feeling very joyful about how things were turning out after a lengthy period of waiting and praying. I was really enjoying how it all happened.

A week or so later, the joy of the moment was wearing off and a sense of emptiness was arriving in my soul. I was confused about that. I expected my "to do list" to be fulfilling, satisfying not empty. I started asking God my list of questions. I was embarrassed but admitted my confusion to a couple of people. After a period of time, this is what occurred to me.

I had turned finding a "to do list" into an idol. It seems to me that God looked at my situation and said she needs some help seeing what her priorities should be. So, God provided what I had been asking for in a way that I would know that it was His provision and not my manipulations.

But then only a short time latter it felt hollow. I believe it felt that way because I was more concerned with God giving me things to do than I was with my relationship with Him. Abiding is first, doing is second. I believe out of abiding there always comes a "to do" list. I was reversing the order again. When this light bulb went off and I told the Lord how sorry I was a very deep sense of joy settled into my soul. My relationship with the Lord was restored to its proper place.

I have been very touched by how God worked in my life on this one. He gave me what I wanted so He could show me what I really needed. It feels like mercy and love to me. And now I am really enjoying what the Lord has me doing.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for creating us with a desire to do. Thank you for showing us how important it is to do things and be in relationship with others. Forgive us for when we make that a priority over having a relationship with you. Help us to trust you. Help us to remember nothing eternal can be done without you. Thank you for your patience, wisdom, understanding and love. Thank you for being our teacher, friend and guide.

Amen