So I've discovered one of the problems that goes with blogging about your personal walk with God. If it turns out you were only partially right on something, in order for the blog to be truthful as a whole you feel an obligation to share what you've learned later on. In this case it will be humbling.
A few posts ago I shared what took place in my life over a seven day period. At the end of the seven days, I was feeling very joyful about how things were turning out after a lengthy period of waiting and praying. I was really enjoying how it all happened.
A week or so later, the joy of the moment was wearing off and a sense of emptiness was arriving in my soul. I was confused about that. I expected my "to do list" to be fulfilling, satisfying not empty. I started asking God my list of questions. I was embarrassed but admitted my confusion to a couple of people. After a period of time, this is what occurred to me.
I had turned finding a "to do list" into an idol. It seems to me that God looked at my situation and said she needs some help seeing what her priorities should be. So, God provided what I had been asking for in a way that I would know that it was His provision and not my manipulations.
But then only a short time latter it felt hollow. I believe it felt that way because I was more concerned with God giving me things to do than I was with my relationship with Him. Abiding is first, doing is second. I believe out of abiding there always comes a "to do" list. I was reversing the order again. When this light bulb went off and I told the Lord how sorry I was a very deep sense of joy settled into my soul. My relationship with the Lord was restored to its proper place.
I have been very touched by how God worked in my life on this one. He gave me what I wanted so He could show me what I really needed. It feels like mercy and love to me. And now I am really enjoying what the Lord has me doing.
Thank you for creating us with a desire to do. Thank you for showing us how important it is to do things and be in relationship with others. Forgive us for when we make that a priority over having a relationship with you. Help us to trust you. Help us to remember nothing eternal can be done without you. Thank you for your patience, wisdom, understanding and love. Thank you for being our teacher, friend and guide.