Almost constant state really.
Lately I've been very anxious about all the things I am not getting done and the people I'm not getting a chance to spend time with.
It occurred to me a couple of weeks ago that I've learned ways to not live like this before and I don't like living like this now.
I know why I've gotten behind. I am willing to work hard at things I care about. Actually, I am willing to work too hard at things I care about. I fell right back into old patterns of managing life. Write the to do list. What's most pressing? Get that done first. Who wants what that I can't get to yet? Worry about that and feel guilty. Check. What do I want done and need to get off my list before I let something drop that will really be limiting to other people involved. Crap there's too many of those things on my list. Someone is going to be let down. Can you feel the worry and anxiety building?
Some where along the way I started to realize that because my to do list had gotten longer than what is normal for me, I had switched into managing it all on my own and leaving the Lord out. At this point I'm always thankful for these realizations. The truth sets you free.
Well guess what project I'm supposed to be working on for my Spiritual Direction training? It's called the Rule of Life. I'm to create a Rule of Life. Now for someone who is committed to avoiding legalism as their guide this idea was hard for me to wrap my mind around. Words are so tricky sometimes. Basically its just language for exploring the question: How is God developing relationship with me? What framework can I put into place to help my mind, emotions and will be most teachable? How is God inviting me to live? What choices will I have to make by faith and with trust to live the way God is inviting me to live? I guarantee you that doing it on my own with a mind and heart full of anxiety was not what God was inviting me too!
So last Sunday it occurred to me that worship music would be helpful. This week I've downloaded some new music. The kind of music that three different people all felt the need to mention to me! God isn't always subtle! Plus one of my very favorite artists just released a new album. Yea!
Then at work, I was introduced to a Spiritual Director that was providing devotions during Lent that come into your inbox over night. She is also including original music. I just knew when I heard about that it would be a good fit. I signed up. Those started coming in on Wednesday and I am enjoying that time with the Lord every morning. One of the themes in those devotions is exactly what I needed to hear right now.
And then... well this is getting a little long but a few other things have come my way that will be helpful at this time too. I'll leave it at that. God is faithful. God is helping me transition into a new phase. I've proven once again that I need all the help God wants to toss my way. Grace.
Do you struggle to manage life without including God?
Is God inviting you to include him more?
Are there habits you could include daily that will help you with that?
Have you ever tried something different in your relationship with God - a leap of faith?
This is the book I'll be using to help me continue this conversation with the Lord:
Crafting a Rule of Life: An Invitation to the Well-Ordered Way
By: Stephen A. Macchia & Mark Buchanan