Friday, September 14, 2007

Midlife Crisis

Those words used to be so superficial to me. It used to create many cliched visions. Things like fast cars with their tops down. Heart breaking visions as well. Families that just didn't survive the crisis in tact.

I used to wonder what on earth motivated the despair and irrational behaviors until I went through my own. For me it was a sense that I had not found a to do list that matched up with what mattered to me most. In part that was true because I didn't even know what mattered to me most. I was also feeling extremely sad because others had found a to do list that matched up. I could see the joy and fulfillment they were walking in. I didn't know whether to believe that a joyful and fulfilling life could be available to me or not? Was that something that some people got and others did not? So many honest anguished prayers were prayed in those days.

The other large issue for me was that even though I thought I wasn't looking for things to make me happy. I was frustrated that I never seemed able to be content with things just the way they were.

The journey the Lord has taken me on to address all this stuff and more could literally fill a book. One of the bottom line helps has been understanding that Jesus wanted to have a very personal relationship with me. So to be helped through my crisis, I had to learn to walk with Him as my friend and leader. He has become much more to me than my beloved Savior. As I walked more closely I understood that He wanted me to be willing to give up my expectations which were largely based in worldly perspectives about how life "should" be. He wanted to show me what matters to me most. As I have testified here before that process has not been easy. Dying to self and living for God have become very real words to me. Giving up a long held worldly beliefs feels like dying. The irony is that if you don't give them up you die. If you do give them up you live.

One of the most exciting things that has happened in this process is that as God has brought a to my attention a way that I was thinking he has also been very generous in making known to me eternal ways of seeing. Then He has asked me to walk in obedience to Him. As I have chosen submission and obedience I have seen the words on the pages of scripture come alive. I can't tell you how many times I have walked away from situations now thinking, "Wow, all this stuff that God has told us is really true."

Dear Lord,

For all my brothers and sisters who are disillusioned with their lives and who they believe You are, I pray that you would make your presence in their lives known to them. I pray that you would break down thinking that prevents them from trusting you. I pray you will break down thinking that allows us to trust in ourselves more than we trust in you. Thank you God that when you ask us to come and die to ourselves and live for you that you are with us in that. Thank you that you never abandon us. Help us all to learn how to abide with you, walk with you, hang out with you every moment of every day. Thank you for never giving up on us even when we feel like giving up on You.

Thank you for using the boredom and disillusionment and depression to bring us looking to you for answers. Thank you for promising to answer all our questions. May we embrace you and your answers and choose the life that comes from following you.


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