Surrender

I've been thinking about the word surrender. Not an easy topic to think about.

I do not like surrender, submission, trust, letting go. So sometimes I get close to some thinking and feeling related to surrender that is really important and then I run the other direction for a time.

I think about things like what chores I need to get done around the house or something that needs to be organized or chase rabbit trails on the internet.

But, I'm in one of those situations when the word keeps popping up everywhere. So while I run from thinking about it, for a time, the invitation to return keeps happening.

What is surrender?
Are there themes to the process?
Is it radically individual?
Is is harder for some than others?
If so why?
If it's easier for some what is equally hard for them?
How does prayer help?
What experiences with God help?
What truths revealed in scripture and in life have really helped me to surrender?
Why have some areas of my life gotten better on this topic and others seem almost untouched?
Besides running, when I get overwhelmed with the word surrender... what else am I doing to prevent the process from taking place?
What do my words have to do with my ability to surrender or not surrender?
What steps of obedience are going to be inevitable if I stop running and submit instead?
Why didn't God make surrendering easy for me to do?

If I am in a service anytime soon that starts to sing, "I surrender all". I might have to pray instead of sing.

My song should be something more like, "I want to be persuaded by God to even want to surrender all."

I realize this is sounding a little glass half empty. I do feel that way. I do know enough about surrender, to know that it is essential for truly living. I also know enough about it to know, that it is not what I want to do when I'm doing whatever the heck I want to do. This internal conflict is one of the greatest sources of tension in my life.

Since, the Lord doesn't seem interested in letting this word drop off my current landscape... sigh... there must be something important and intentional going on. Maybe even something life changing. Well, finally a glass half full thought. Maybe it will help keep me from running. :)