Gift from God

God delivered a really nice gift to me yesterday.

I had to go pick the gift up at the airport. :)

I found out about the arrival time Sunday via the phone. My presence at the airport was requested at 4:30 pm on Monday. Perfect, I get done with work at 4:00pm.

So what was the gift? My first godly friend arrived back into my life. Her name is Carmen. She was one year ahead of me in high school.

We have a friendship that always involves a heart to heart about what God has been and is up to. We marvel together at what God is doing for and through the other. It never stops amazing us that we can go without seeing each other for years and then pickup exactly where we left off.

All was not perfect, it seemed we were hopelessly lost while getting her to her hotel. We made it there an hour later than we planned. But the Lord provided what we needed to get there safely, a wonderful husband with access to Google maps and a police officer. It was an adventure.

At one point, I said to Carmen if you haven't started praying yet now would be the time to start. Then I commented that I wondered what we were supposed to be learning from our journey. Carmen thought for a while and said, "to be thankful in all things." She was right. When we got off the highway she broke into a praise song. I joined her. Later I was reminded of all those hours spent together in choir.

We have another story to laugh about more later.

We saw the goodness of God in our reunion and in her eventual delivery to the front door of her hotel.

Actually, I've been a little blown away the last few weeks at all that God seems to be up to. I have found everything a little difficult to keep track of and take in. Sometimes walking with God feels painfully slow and involves so much sitting and waiting. Other times, like now it feels like a very long sprint. I'm wondering when I'm going to get a chance to catch my breath.

Something new...

Have you heard of writer's block?

Well I think I have reader's block. I think I've finally done it. I've read to much.

The timing is interesting. I'm starting class next week and I have three books plus professors notes to read.

Usually, I can focus while reading just about anywhere. But lately I can be in a room with no noise and have to read word by word, out loud and slowly in order to comprehend anything. Hmmm...

Maybe there's some cool stuff I'm not supposed to read through quickly in this last class.

Maybe turning 40 just became more than a number...

I'm grateful the Lord will help me whatever the reason.

What are you grateful the Lord is helping you with?

Trinity Arts Conference

I just got back from a conference put on by a group of artists who desire to encourage creativity in the Body of Christ.

It was a very hospitable group of people. A joy to be around.

These are people who intentionally make time in their lives to discover how God wants to reveal himself through a partnership of creativity with them.

Some are very experienced. Others like me are just getting up the nerve to slip into the back of the room... so to speak.

I've discovered some things about me which are new to me. I don't know what these discoveries might mean. I am actually shockingly thankful I don't know. I'm going to trust God will keep revealing what He wants me to see and do it a little at a time. I hopeful that what God is opening up for me will both help me to walk closely with Him and be a benefit to others.

As I think of you, I am curious what brings both joy and meaning into your life?

If your honest answer to that question, after you say in your head all the things you know you should say, is ... nothing. Then let me encourage you by saying, I have been there. By God's grace, I'm not there anymore. I truly believe God wants to lead you out of that place as well. Jesus said and is still saying, "Come, follow me." Let Him lead you to what it is that allows you to express and experience both joy and meaning.

Nothing important

I'm grateful that I've finished another class for school.
I'm grateful for the time recently spent with family and friends.
I'm grateful Dave spotted a giant fish in the pond and two huge turtles, it made him very happy!
I'm grateful Matt gets a break from school for the summer.
I'm grateful for air conditioning.
I'm grateful for the things on my calendar the next few weeks.
I'm grateful for walking trails and lakes.
I'm grateful my husband had mercy on me when I dropped my dear sweet Ipod. That was very sad moment. Call apple is not a good message on your Ipod. Another one is on the way.
I'm grateful for all the music and talks on my Ipod and what they do for my soul.
I'm grateful ...

Ok, maybe I did have something important to think about and say...

Grateful's good.

Hope your grateful list is long too!

Estes Park, Colorado

I'm going to one of my earthly homes this summer. Estes Park, Colorado. My Mom found a house for the 10 of us to rent this summer for a few days. I spent my High School years in Estes Park.

Since its located in Northern Colorado and my parents have settled in Central Colorado I don't make it back to my home turf very often.

What a joy to be with there with my Mom, Dad, Brother and all the additions that God has brought to our little family.

This place means a great deal to me. Growing up in the mountains was a unique privilege that I don't take lightly. The people who live there are outdoor adventurers, risk takers and admires of God's handiwork. Those people and their passions made a very big impression on me.

Most importantly God made a bigger impression. How can you not be wowed by Him when your seven mile commute into school everyday brings you to vistas that never cease to inspire? Majesty, beauty, strength, wildness, dependence, the brilliance of snow covered trees...

In August I will go and remember with family and old friends, and be grateful to rediscover it with the next generation of our family. A blessing indeed!

What get away are you most excited about this summer?

All figured out...

This week I signed up for my last class at Fuller Theological Seminary.

I am very excited about this last course. The title of it is Participation in the Ministry of Christ. I could not be more excited about the description of the course and its desired learning outcomes. It matches up so beautifully with what has been most enjoyable and challenging about my journey through seminary.

I will return to Southern California for two weeks in July to complete the course. The Lord, through his wonderful people, has provided gracious hosts and even transportation for me while I'm there. I'm looking forward to many wonderful reunions.

One friend will just be arriving back from Israel so I'll get to see all her pictures and hear her stories. I'm very grateful for the timing of this because we believe the Lord wants all three of us to travel to Israel with our church next spring. So it will be fun to hear about her experience and I'm sure will get me even more excited about our upcoming trip.

Another friend will just be returning from co-leading a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. I am excited to be praying with her about some specific things and can't wait to hear how God worked through her and in her on that trip!

That's just a couple of the conversations I hope to have.

As I reflect back on the last five years and look forward into the near future, I realize how much of an adventure my life with Christ has become. He has called me to follow him by faith to places that were unknown and intimidating. He keeps asking me to continue living my life that way. It has gotten a tiny bit easier to follow the Lord into these places because His love and faithfulness have only get more obvious. For that I am very grateful.

I know what it is like to feel stuck. I hated that feeling. Let me encourage you that if your feeling that way to ask God to show the way out that He has for you. Whatever challenges that journey brings will be worth whatever cost you might have to pay.

Continuing the adventure...

Indifference or love?

The opposite of love is not hate it is indifference.

I read this statement in The Shack this morning. Its not the first time I've contemplated this idea.

Love teaches us to not be indifferent to God and to others. Love teaches not to be indifferent to ourselves. There is much that needs attention paid to it.

This is one of the reasons that I believe prayer matters. Talking to God gives our relationship with Him a chance to matter. It matters that I say thank you. It matters that I worship the Lord with words and songs. It matters that I seek wisdom from God. It matters that my friends are hurting or seeking and that I talk to the Lord about those things. It matters that I look back and think about the motivations behind the things I did that I don't want to do in the future.

Some days I convince myself it doesn't matter. I become indifferent. I choose not to love. That is sad and prideful.

I do not want to be indifferent and absent of love. I'm grateful God knows when I get there and that He pulls me back. He loves me back.

Where are you indifferent to God? Where are you indifferent to people? Talk to God about it and be in awe of what happens next. Or, if you don't feel like talking try just sitting with Him.

Maturity

Quote:

Jesus has a different view of maturity: It is the ability and willingness to be led where you would rather not go. Henri Nouwen


So when do we believe enough in Christ to go where we don't want to go? When have you believed enough to go to such a place? How did God meet you there? What did you learn about God or yourself or both together?

The answer to these questions must have endless possibilities and fantastic stories.

I marvel at how long and patiently and artfully the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are willing to work for us to trust God enough so that we will go places we do not want to go.

Honest Conversation

I had a conversation yesterday with my son.

It may be one of the most important we ever have. Both God and lies were intensely at work in what what going on.

Honest tough questions got thrown my direction. Sincere thought through and completely believed by me answers got served back in his direction. Praise God, his heart and mind connected with what I shared with him.

I saw my son move from doubt back to faith, hopelessness back to courage, from anger to love. It was one of the greatest privileges of my life to be in that conversation with him.

Class

When I signed up for my New Testament Class this spring. I was excited because I thought I'd have a lot to write about related to what I'm learning in the class. I'm learning too much. It's hard to condense all that I'm learning right now into a blog entry.

However I have new appreciation for Paul. Jesus Christ swept into Paul's life and changed every perspective he had. Once he could see with new eyes he was tenacious about getting the word out. He was full of compassion and zeal and love for his formerly sworn enemies - the Gentiles. He wanted everyone to understand what God was revealing to humankind through Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons why I wanted to go to seminary is the experience I am having in this class. What is the big picture? Each time I get a glimpse of how one book of the Bible fits in with all the books I see the picture better than I did before. So far it blows me away every single time. God is beyond big. God inspires awe. The way God has moved through history to reveal himself is breathtaking. Once again, short on words that match what is going on in my soul.

Urban Youth in Ft. Worth

I am involved in helping a ministry get set up in Ft. Worth to urban youth. At this point, I am working behind the scenes and haven't met any of the kids yet.

This week I'm going down to meet some of them and leaders of other organizations that are already investing in this community.

The area we're focusing on has huge needs and limited resources.

We're praying for adults who will be willing to reach out to these kids in ways that will bring hope and inspire courage. It takes courage for these kids to move from living out of fear to living out of truth-faith, hope and love.

We're praying for the kids to have receptive hearts to the Gospel. We're praying for ideas that will help them be involved in solutions that bring healing to their community. There is so much need for healing.

I am praying the Lord will reveal to me what, how and when He wants me to be involved.

If the Lord lays it on your heart to pray for any of this, please do.

The deck...

Some things are just so easy to be grateful for.

Our deck is one of those things.

Dave and I just restained it. We added some pots and some herbs for Dave's cooking adventures and flowers.

My idea to paint a poker table that was left behind by the previous owner was a bust. It warped horribly while outside in the weather this winter. So I recently picked up a new table a few weekends ago. I was so grateful that I found an inexpensive one that matched the chairs we already had at the first store I went into. Some people are very skeptical about shopping gifts from God but it felt like one to me.

I love starting my morning with some time outside. I love enjoying God's creations. And ending the day having conversation with Dave or Matt or both on the deck.

Gifts are meant to be shared, so come over some morning and let's have a cup of coffee together. But you'll have to put up with how much my dog loves all people. :)

What's the place you enjoy the most?

All in one sitting...

I started taking a class a few weeks ago. I'll be going through Acts - Revelation in 10 weeks.

Oh, my goodness!

At the beginning of each week, my professor asks us to read one or two books of the New Testament in one sitting.

Intentionally, I have read them in the New Living Translation because I rarely use it and it's easy to read. It helps me to avoid jumping in with all my preconceived notions when its in language that is a slightly different from how I usually read it. I have been pleasantly surprised at what I have discovered by doing this. Themes jump out that I haven't noticed before. Change of mood is more easily discerned. I think I will continue to do this when I sign up for a Bible Study class at church. If I lead a study again, I will ask those taking the class to do this. I really think it gives insight that doesn't occur a few verses or a chapter at a time.

Gotta get back to Romans and Paul and Greeks.... :)

Humility and Confidence

Here are some phrases in 2 Corinthians 2-6 that jumped out at me as I read through these chapters recently:

2 Cor. 2:6 to the one a savor from death unto death; to the other a savor from life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things?

2 Cor. 3:5 not that we are sufficient of ourselves, to account anything as from ourselves; but our sufficiency is from God;

2 Cor. 3:12 Having therefore such a hope, we use great boldness of speech,

2 Cor. 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves

2 Cor. 5:6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.

2 Cor 5:16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.

2 Cor. 6:4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses;

2 Cor 6:10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

I have a dilemma. Just yesterday I was talking and praying through this dilemma with my prayer partner. Recently I find myself caught in the middle of two ideas. I am caught between the truths that God desires our service to come from humility. And yet, Paul doesn’t have any trouble expressing him self boldly with believers.

Humility and boldness do not yet belong in the same sentence for me. God has been working on breaking my pride down for some time now. I used to hate the words submission and obedience. Up until four or five years ago, I wouldn’t have been honest enough with you to tell you that. But God knew. He allowed, even invited some pretty tough stuff into my life, so He could love me through the need for transformation regarding those two words. The tough stuff was very humbling stuff. The amazing result of that loving discipline is that I don’t hate the words submission and obedience any more. I value what humbling situations and an attitude of humility has done for making my heart teachable. This whole experience has been mostly internal. Spoken out loud only to my husband, my prayer partner and one on one conversations with those who have sought to know what God is doing in my life and desire a deep and loving relationship with the Lord for themselves.

Paul’s example of boldness and confidence confuses me. When my mindset switches to those two words, it is very difficult for me to continue to embrace humility. Boldness and confidence are associated with experiences from moments when I wasn’t feeling humble at all. Things like playing high school and college volleyball, passing the CPA exam, solving problems for business clients etc. God has given me natural leadership skills. For the longest time those were used from a place of pride. Even though, I now know that all that I am and all that I offer comes from God. When I switch into some of those leadership behaviors with people beyond my close circle, those that know my heart well, I battle with pride. I don’t like battling with my pride so I tend to shrink back and not want to engage.

I appreciate these verses from 2 Corinthians, Paul expresses with certainty that his confidence comes from the Lord. He ministers with confidence not from a place of arrogance but because he wants everyone to know the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He wants believers to know what God expects of their lives as believers.

One of the verses says, “Regard no one from a worldly point of view.” I think this may be one of the keys I have been missing. I get tripped up when I regard others and my interactions with them in ministry from a worldly point of view. I’ll be asking the Lord to help me change in this area.

Lord willing, I want to get to a place where I can express with boldness and confidence my faith, my walk and certainty that I am just the messenger. Any goodness in me comes from God dwelling in me. I’m asking the Lord to help me understand all this better. I’m also asking the Lord to help me have humble reactions to people when what their saying things that tempt me to feed my pride in myself rather than God. I want to replace those with genuine feelings of awe over what the Lord is doing.

Books! I like 'em a lot.

Since I did an intensive class in January, I've had a few months to read whatever. That has been a nice freedom. A thought or two on the books I've picked up:

90 Minutes in Heaven - I was a total skeptic. Then someone handed it to me. I'm glad I didn't miss this one.

Running with Horses by Eugene Peterson. I believe it has been around for a couple of decades. He reflects and interacts with the book of Jeremiah. I love Jeremiah.

What's so Amazing about Grace? by Phillip Yancey. Believe it or not I have avoided this one for some reason. I don't really even know why. I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. It was suggested in a class I am taking at church.

Love beyond Reason: Moving God's love from your head to your heart by John Ortberg. This one came out in 2001. I like the way John Ortberg writes.

Reaching for the Invisible God by Phillip Yancey. This one is tough for me. Yancey is a serious skeptic at heart. He lays that journey out there. I've been reading it because I have a couple of serious skeptics in my life. I can tend to be the other extreme. But when you measure your level of faith by how you actually live your life. All of us are skeptics on some level.

Why do I read so many books? The number one reason. Not everybody in my world wants to engage in conversation about the Lord and their walk with the Lord. With those that do our schedules often get in the way. That's sad. I really enjoy picking up a book and listening to someone else's journey. I gain new perspectives. My own are sometimes reinforced sometimes challenged.

So if you've been thinking that you'd really like to do some reading, I say go for it.

I will return to my assigned reading list! :)

Blessings!

Easter

Easter means love beyond our ability to comprehend.

Easter means life beyond our ability to imagine.

Easter means joy beyond our ability to express.

Easter means hope beyond our ability to see.

Easter means grace beyond our ability to be sufficiently thankful for.

Relearning...

So I've discovered one of the problems that goes with blogging about your personal walk with God. If it turns out you were only partially right on something, in order for the blog to be truthful as a whole you feel an obligation to share what you've learned later on. In this case it will be humbling.

A few posts ago I shared what took place in my life over a seven day period. At the end of the seven days, I was feeling very joyful about how things were turning out after a lengthy period of waiting and praying. I was really enjoying how it all happened.

A week or so later, the joy of the moment was wearing off and a sense of emptiness was arriving in my soul. I was confused about that. I expected my "to do list" to be fulfilling, satisfying not empty. I started asking God my list of questions. I was embarrassed but admitted my confusion to a couple of people. After a period of time, this is what occurred to me.

I had turned finding a "to do list" into an idol. It seems to me that God looked at my situation and said she needs some help seeing what her priorities should be. So, God provided what I had been asking for in a way that I would know that it was His provision and not my manipulations.

But then only a short time latter it felt hollow. I believe it felt that way because I was more concerned with God giving me things to do than I was with my relationship with Him. Abiding is first, doing is second. I believe out of abiding there always comes a "to do" list. I was reversing the order again. When this light bulb went off and I told the Lord how sorry I was a very deep sense of joy settled into my soul. My relationship with the Lord was restored to its proper place.

I have been very touched by how God worked in my life on this one. He gave me what I wanted so He could show me what I really needed. It feels like mercy and love to me. And now I am really enjoying what the Lord has me doing.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for creating us with a desire to do. Thank you for showing us how important it is to do things and be in relationship with others. Forgive us for when we make that a priority over having a relationship with you. Help us to trust you. Help us to remember nothing eternal can be done without you. Thank you for your patience, wisdom, understanding and love. Thank you for being our teacher, friend and guide.

Amen

Peter

To be Peter when the noise of the crowing cock ceased.

The pain, the loneliness, the confusion.

To move from such certainty to undeniable betrayal in one evening is a horrifying descent.

Where do I go? Who do I turn to? What is real? The suffering must have felt unbearable.

But God, He sees it differently. God knows all the gifts He is about to shower on Peter. The gift of love. The gift of unceasing forgiveness. The gift of humility. The gifts of a calling, message and purpose. The joy of restored relationship.

No, all was not lost at the sound of the crowing cock. All was about to be gained.

The Weight of Glory

I was in a class tonight where we talked about a variety of meanings for the glory of God. I was impacted by something new. As a result this is what I wrote:

Apart from Christ we are found:

vacant
wanting
hollow
lifeless
tossed easily by the wind
we live without substance

We believe and experience that our faith in Christ allows us to be full:

full of love, faith and hope
the WEIGHT of the realness of God comes to rest in our souls
we overflow with life to give to others.

If we could only REALLY SEE the WEIGHT of God's glory.

Sorrow

Some days bring sorrow. Sunday was one of them.

A friend of mine went to check on his wife and found that she had left her home on this earth to go to her new heavenly home. It was unexpected.

We're not sad for her. We do grieve with hopefulness. However, we do grieve.

I have been reminded that every breath is optional. God has the option of bringing us home.

Right now, I really hate that death creates so much pain.