Tuesday, October 10, 2006

No Confidence

I have no confidence in the flesh.

Since last Wednesday these words have not been just Paul's, but because of the Holy Spirit, they have become my own. I have been placed by the allowing hand of God and the willful choices of men and women into a season of sorrow upon sorrow. Before that season began I was experiencing a season of personal humiliation. I have dealt with a great deal of pain. At times it has taken me to moments of feely abandoned but that has been rare. Primarily I have experienced God presence. I have crumbled easily. But He has always been quick to lead me back to a place of communion with Him as I try to understand what it is He wants me to learn about Him and about my humanity.

I have experienced some radical changes in my perspectives. Attaining wealth is not something I aspire to. I believe many Chrisitans use the Bible to justify the excess we have and purposely avoid helping the poor. I fear for our future as a people if we don't begin to repent and change course on this issue.

I have avoided denying self. I have avoided surrendering my life to Christ. I have avoided hard truth. I have avoided believing that I can take some confidence in the flesh. I have avoided abiding in Christ. I have avoided a meaningful relationships with Jesus Christ through prayer. This season of sorrow and humiliation has successfully opened my eyes to all I have avoided and has invited me to embrace a deeper and more committed relationship to Jesus Christ.

What I am looking for now is the God given ability to willfully choose: Lord Jesus Christ I will trust you no matter how much trusting you hurts or costs me. I believe that the evidence that this has changed in me will be the ability to be joyful in the midst of sorrow.

Dear Heavenly Father,
There have been days when I have felt lost and I have not understood your purposes. Thank you for walking right next to me. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for your steadfastness with me. Thank you for speaking to me through your Word and Your Spirit. Thank you for calling me into a deeper relationship with you. Thank you for sustaining me and providing me endurance I do not posess. Thank you for my brothers and sisters in the Lord who understand this journey and have been priceless to me as I have held on during days marked by evil. Lord teach me to hate sin. Thank you for your promise that you will keep loving me. Thank you that your love overflows to others through a surrendered life. I desire to continue growing in my friendship with you and in your Lordship over my life. I praise you that out of that reality will be opportunities for service that will bring help to others and glory to your name. I have no confidence in the flesh. You are Holy and mighty and worthy of all praise and glory forever and ever. Amen

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