What God gave me for Easter

Lent

This year for Lent two ways of praying daily emerged. I believe the Lord prompted me to pray, "Judging?" That was shorthand for reviewing the last 24 hours and instead of judging things I had done to instead observe things I had done. It took a week or so for me to feel the impact of this. The first realization was how many negative feelings I still have around choices that I make. Those feelings cause reactions - denial, shame, disappointment. When doing this practice it trained me to observe what I was doing and wonder what I was doing. That simple change gave the Lord an opportunity to be with me at that moment.

When I made that connection, that caused me to laugh out loud. (I love when praying leads to laughing.) That was because at the beginning of Lent the other prayer that formed was Jesus saying: "Let Me be with you". Look at that connection. I was putting off judging myself, which normally causes me to break off from relating with others and instead put on the practice of letting the Lord be with me.

I deeply smiled in the recognition that this was another moment in a long list of moments that demonstrated how well God knows me and knows what I need. He is capable through His loving Spirit to reveal these things to me. My faith was built up in Him once again!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for inviting your people to reflect and pray in preparation for Easter. You were inviting me to let something that brings me death, die. You were giving me a new desire: to simply observe and in those honest observations turn to you in faith, and trust, and hope. May the roots of this new way go way down deep into my life. May I remember that when I say, "Yes" to you that I come alive! It's a moment of embracing the resurrection, of being brought into a Jesus way of life. Forgive me for all the moments when I wonder if you are up to anything good and transformative in my life. Thank you for reminding me this Lent and Easter that you are alive, present and active in my life. In the lives of all.

Hallelujah,

You are Risen! A piece of my soul is risen, indeed!

Spiritual Direction

Have you read or heard talk about the benefits of meeting with a Spiritual Director? Are you wondering if you'd like to experience it? I offer a few questions that may help.

• Are you a leader in ministry? I ask because for as long as I can remember I've had compassion for and desire to be an encouragement to leaders.
• Do you find yourself with more questions than answers about your relationship with the Lord or your vocation? 
• Have you come to value soul care and are looking for a place to honestly explore what is going on in your soul? 

If any of this rings true, I'd love to connect.

Where would we meet?
I meet with people via various video conferencing formats or over the phone. I live 20 minutes north of the Dallas/Ft Worth airport and have space to meet in person if you are within driving distance. Typically, we would meet once a month.

Is there a cost?
Usually, I receive $75.00 per one-hour session.

Additional information
Graduated from Fuller Theological Seminary in 2008 with a Master of Arts in Theology.
Completed the Selah Spiritual Direction training program in 2013.
Supervisor of Spiritual Direction trainees since 2015.

Supervisor of Spiritual Directors since 2018.

I am married to David and we have our son Matt and his lovely bride Jordan. I became a grandmother in 2020. I love developing friendships, reading, and crave time in creation. I enjoy being creative and appreciating the creativity of others.

Next steps if interested in Spiritual Direction
The best way to connect is via email at cheri_hudspith@yahoo.com

This blog site is composed of snapshots of my spiritual journey, you may find it helpful to look around.

If we are not a good fit, but you remain interested in Spiritual Direction, I’d like to help you locate another Director. Check out other directors at www.soulcare.com and www.graftedlife.org

Flourish

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit. From Jeremiah 17


A small group of people, myself included, are reading through Flourish: Live Loved. Live Fearless. Live Free by Margret Feinburg together. It's a one year journey.



This week I re-read week one and stopped when I came to the verses from Jeremiah.  The phrase "whose confidence is in him" leaped off the page. As I continued to read, a beautiful image of of a flourishing tree appeared. I pondered the words and the image, I was stunned. I think God and I have agreed to something, I want to be a flourishing tree and He likes creating those kinds of trees. (A match made in heaven! 😆) It felt marvelous to agree with God!


My confidence in God is filling me with hope, extraordinary hope. The heat will return. When it does, I want my tap roots to be strong and drawing life from the stream of living water.

What do you want in 2017? What longing lives in your soul? What is it that you and God can wholeheartedly agree on together?

Bless.

Back in my California days, I was sitting and chatting with one of our pastors. It was a conversation where we'd moved out of planning something and into talking about what was really going on in us personally as we were following God. Seemingly out of the blue, she asked me, "What does it mean to bless God?" An answer came in a flash, "I guess it's the opposite of cursing God." As I recall, we both did that "Hmm" thing together. It was impactful to recognize the contrast between blessing and cursing. These ideas have remained with me and have shown up randomly again and again.

Here recently, I've observed we live in a world with a huge range in its capacity to curse God. It goes from very aggressive, even violent curses to passive aggressive side-jabs. People who don't believe in God and don't trust God seem to feel lots of freedom to curse Him. Acknowledging that has left me to wonder what redemptive possibilities there are for those that desire to bless God. Oh! What a great after dinner table question!

This past weekend I experienced a new way this could look. My current pastors decided to do a different kind of service on Sunday, January 1st. It had an intro, a three-part movement, and closing. The movements were each guided by a scripture that was read, a short teaching offered and then an invitation was given for all to participate then and there in a related action.

The third movement was centered around blessing. Eleven or so leaders circled the back perimeter of the room and the people seated were invited to approach those leaders and ask for a blessing. Several types of blessings were offered as options. One of the stated hopes was that the people would feel cared for as they received these blessings directly from Scripture. In addition, there was a desire for people to be inspired to bless others around them in their everyday coming and going lives. In the moments that led up to that portion of the service a deep sense of joy and privilege began to well up in me. That only increased as I offered God's words of blessing and hope to those who came to be blessed. As if all of that wasn't enough, I was deeply touched by one returning to me and offering to pray a blessing over me. Beautiful. Hopeful. Kind. Glorious even.

Since Sunday, I have also reflected on the grief I've felt related to how comfortable the wider culture has become with cursing one another. I don't believe we take our attitudes and words towards one another seriously. I don't think we desire to understand or respect their potential consequences. I don't think we realize how much power lies within the intentions of our words. I believe harsh words can corrupt our own souls and place barriers between us and those we speak of or to. It seems the damage created will require love in order for those barriers to be broken back down.

And then there is the Kingdom of God to ponder. We are created and loved by a blessing God. It's one of the first things that God wanted to reveal about Himself. It's one of the first things He asked us to be with one another. It's a part of His essence to commit to blessing all people and with extraordinary abundance those with faith in Him. I've come to believe that we bless God when we thank Him for blessings received. And this week I've come to believe we bless Him when we freely bless others. I think He actually digs it when we turn out to be like Him. Can you see His face lighting up with joy?!

As I bring all these things together, I've become hopeful that blessing God and blessing others can really stand out and give us a "shot in hell", so to speak, of bolts of glorious light breaking through. I want so badly for the source of blessing to be noticed, wondered about and maybe even recognized.

What if Christians had a reputation for being these crazy generous people that go around blessing others all the time? And God wound up with that reputation too. What if?

In light of all these things, may the Lord bless and keep you in 2017. May He make His face to shine right down on ya. May He be gracious to you and grant you His peace. With love, Cheri

What breaks my heart?

Jesus not being trusted.

God being blamed for things He's not guilty of doing.

The suffering of sweet people around me.

Assumptions that lead to misunderstanding in relationship.

Division.

The beautiful creature we call Chloe pup fading away from life.

My resistance to what is good for my soul.

The last 30 plus days I've been taking note of the things that break my heart. I know what you might be thinking. Since I can hear one of my friends in his powerful voice saying, "WHY would you do that?!?!"

The simple answer is because that's what God did. I believe it's one of the reasons Good Friday happened. God's heart literally broke. I believe that part of the promise I made when I agreed to be follower of Jesus is that I would allow my heart to break too. Those things I listed above, they cause me to want things to be different. A broken heart always wants that. I want love to overcome them and write a different ending then I expect. In a way, I want death to lose and the grave to be empty for those things too.

I want Resurrection Sunday. I believe in Resurrection Sunday. I trust in the reality of Resurrection Sunday...broken hearts being made new.

Who's with me?

I'm reading a book about mentoring called Organic Mentoring: A Mentor's Guide to the Next Generation Women. It’s co-written by Sue Edwards and Barbara Neumann.  One of its main objectives is to help the different generations understand how different they are from one another and instead of resisting that to settle into it. In other writings, I’ve heard this described as the “third way”. I’ve adopted that language. The “third way” is a process of observing and noticing the tensions revealed in two different ways and then looking for a third way or a place of common ground. Ideally both perspectives adapting to the other because of shared values and shared love for one another.

Being in this conversation has made me aware of a few things and I’ll share couple of them. I don’t know of a subtle way to say this, so here it goes. Older women, please stop apologizing for aging. Please stop apologizing for things like knowing songs from many different decades.  Why do we care if we “date ourselves” in a conversation? I’d love for us to collectively reach a place where we see the history of redemption in our stories and get excited about sharing that with others. What if we really believed our journeys are a gift? We have more to draw on than those younger than us.  Selfishly, I’d like to live in a community where the people ahead of me are learning how to grieve the losses that come as we age, but also celebrate the gifts that can be known at no other stage in our lives. At 48, with 50 around the corner and other numbers just past that (Lord willing), I don’t want to live owning my age alone. I want people on the ride with me.

The other thing I want to say is how much I love millennials. Paying attention to what matters to them and why has been a fabulous corrective in my life. I’ve been curious for many years about the pendulum swings that are so evident in human history. Why does that happen? One observation has to do with our strengths eventually becoming a weakness. For instance a strong identity as an individual has it’s benefits. But this identity left us weak in the area of committing to community over our own agendas. We’re blind to our own weaknesses. The next generation isn’t so blind to the weaknesses of the one before it. They have the energy and desire to make changes so the pendulum moves.  Thank God!

If you want to understand yourself and other generations better there’s lots of good information out there. It’s truly fascinating to pay attention to. My prayer is that we will learn from one another. I hope we will pursue loving one another well and that the Spirit of Christ will be our guide and good teacher in the midst of our wonderfully varied stages of life and perspectives.

Few words...

My words are shrinking.

The things that seem important to say are smaller.

I love words

    their potential 

    their abilities 

    their short comings

They seem scattered about these days and a little hard to find. This often feels strange. Is this a season...a new normal?

There are times I hope they are just inside me getting sorted through and sorted out. And I try to take note when they appear in meaningful phrases.

Will they increase? Will they ever want to tumble out? Are they waiting to be pursued?

These are the question that live inside me.

The State of the (developing) Union

Have you ever taken your journal in January and written a personal version of the “State of the Union”?

With that context in mind, I began with these questions.

Where have we been God? Where are we going? What are the hurdles? What’s the propellant?

I looked at these questions with God in January. I thought through them in light of my various relationships… spouse, son, friends, co-workers, leaders, fellow volunteers and those I minister to.

I also felt prompted to consider these questions with projects in mind.

Things Noticed

I’ve noticed that I’m incredibly grateful for where I’ve been. I recognize the volume of God’s grace that has been poured down on my life and the lives of those near me.

Give thanks to LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 107:1

I’ve noticed, in some situations, there is a sense of predictability and feelings of security as I look to the horizon. In other places, I’m walking by faith into the unknown with a foggy landscape laid out in front of me.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 107:1

By faith, I believe that God has asked me to focus on the word “surrender” in 2015. Oh my! The hurdles that go with that word! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or both when that word came into focus. There is only One reason for my willingness to give that word space or time in my life.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 107:1

What propels me forward? Christ is making His home in my heart as I’m trusting in Him. My roots have been going down deeper into His love. These words from Ephesians were words I meditated on at great length in 2014 and in various circumstances. They are precious and powerful words because they witness to great truth. Living into that in 2014 has a lot to do with the level of openness I feel about the word surrender in 2015. One thing leads to another thing which leads to the next thing. He’s so smart! He’s so good! He’s so faithful!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 107:1

Dear Lord,

There are places that still resist you. I hope when I look back on 2015, I can see how you helped my mind, heart, body more fully surrender to you and your love for me. And may You grace me to walk well alongside others desiring the same. Amen.

(Orginally posted on a blog for Grafted Life Ministries at www.ecswisdom.org)

Sometimes

Sometimes peace flows like a river.

Sometimes he drops in one tiny sprinkle at a time.

Sometimes he comes in from left field.

Sometimes he wanders just beyond my grasp.

Sometimes he escapes with no scent of the current location.

Sometimes light and flighty

Sometimes deep.

What choice made Him flee?

What invites His return?

Will I notice His presence?

Will I be thankful?
Will I speak of it?

“Because of God’s tender mercy,
the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace.” 

Dr. Luke – first century (NLT)

Choosing Peace

Colossians 1:15-23 (NLT)

Christ Is Supreme

¹⁵ Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.
    He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation,^[e]
16 for through him God created everything
    in the heavenly realms and on earth.
He made the things we can see
    and the things we can’t see—
such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.
    Everything was created through him and for him.
¹⁷ He existed before anything else,
    and he holds all creation together.
¹⁸ Christ is also the head of the church,
    which is his body.
He is the beginning,
    supreme over all who rise from the dead.^[f]
    So he is first in everything.
¹⁹ For God in all his fullness
    was pleased to live in Christ,
²⁰ and through him God reconciled
    everything to himself.
He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth
    by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.

²¹ This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. ²² Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.

²³ But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it.

In December I was able to see an area of my life where I make war with God, not peace. I thanked Him for helping me see it and I asked God to help me understand why I make that choice. I asked God to help me to surrender to His love and rightful place of supremacy in my life.

This is one of the ways I have noticed God helping me. I increasingly crave including God throughout my day. I've long desired to include Him in my evenings. I'm a morning person so this has not come naturally or easily to me. I'm learning that evening conversations with God can be different from morning conversations. Many believers throughout the centuries have discovered this and have written about it. I'm grateful for their insights. The Lord has brought something that will be helpful to me this year. It is a book called A Guide to Prayer for All Who Walk with God by  Job, Shawchuck and Mogabgab. I have both a paper copy and  an electronic copy and therefore always available to me no matter the time of day. 

It was in reading that book this week that I discovered the verses above. I'm grateful for how perfectly this passage speaks into my realization that I don't want to be a war with God. In Christ that is possible. Isn't that amazing?! My soul is encouraged by remembering this truth. Being at war with God is a one sided choice. He is not at war with me.

In this new year, how is God leading you? What is He  making you aware of? How is He providing for your developing relationship with Him? May we all have responsive hearts and minds.

Merry Christmas from our Home to Yours!

Christmas 2013

We're grateful for this season of the year! We enjoy the opportunity to celebrate the moments of joy the Lord has brought throughout our year. We rejoice over each of you as we receive the news of God's goodness in your lives too!

April brought a joyous trip to Israel with thirteen other travelers. We can not believe how much of God's ground we covered in just over a week. It was blessing to be with new friends and long time friends! Shmulik our guide was beyond amazing! It was truly a once in a lifetime trip. The blessings continue! Dave captured some great photos! You can see those and pictures from other trips at www.davehudspith.com

Dave taking pictures for Parker's Band Interim near TCU.

Enders Island, CT

Dave continues to work at Sabre Holdings.  In addition he continues to develop his cooking, photography and coffee roasting skills. People like to remind me how spoiled I am. It's true. He also co-leads our Home Group from church. People appreciate Dave's many talents.

I completed a Spiritual Direction Training program in June. It was a two year journey that included lots of new friends and the joy of time in New England. This is a picture of the commissioning service at the end. Cheri continues to be grateful for her role at the Evangelical Center for Spiritual Wisdom.

Jordan has made a joyful entry into our lives! Matt and Jordan have been dating since May and the four of us have enjoyed spending time together. We traveled to Minnesota in the summer, up to Kansas State to celebrate Matt's 21st birthday in the fall and have plans to go skiing together in January.


Matt is a Junior at Kansas State. He's studying Kinesiology. It's a great fit for him. He continues to play Ultimate. This picture was taken a summer league. If you want to see him in action on the field you just need to "friend" Dave on Facebook. Matt and his teammates make a regular appearance there! Matt's college experience has been a good one and we're very grateful for how God has provided for him. He's working towards graduating next December.

The big family event in 2013 was the marriage of our nephew CJ to his bride Ashley. It was a beautiful day. Terry, my brother, is a pastor and officiated the ceremony. It was a weekend full of one blessing after another. Nieces - Emily, Megan, Dad, Mom, Ashley, CJ, Terry, Leah, Me, Matt and Dave.

We love you! We wish you a happy and joyful New Year! May the peace of Christ rule in all of our hearts in 2014! Cheri for Dave and Matt too!

Sometimes I can't have what I want.

I can't have a problem solved.
I can't have someone's trust.
I can't defend myself.
I can't be understood.
I can't have clarity.
I can't have perspective.

In those places I have choices to make.

Will I run, hide, become angry and sin, become bitter, demand what I want? Will I allow myself to feel the frustration and pain of unmet desires. Will I notice that all those choices just makes everything worse?

Will I seek Him above all else? Will I wait with hope? Will I receive what He has to offer me when it's not what I'm wanting? It's humbly to let go of what you want and to trust another for your own good or for the greater good.

At times I realize that I am putting up a fight with God. The desires of His heart are different from my own. When my desires seem good that feels particularly hard to sort through. When I'm still resisting and not resting there is process not yet completed. So I pray that the Lord will help me arrive at His desires for me today.

Where it's not an internal struggle but an outside enemy, I pray that God will show me which part of the armor I'm leaving out of the mix: truth, God's righteousness, peace, faith, my salvation, The Spirit, a willingness to pray without ceasing.

As I walk away... I think I'll ponder with God what it means to be content in all circumstances.

A Tribute to Matt

We celebrated Matt's 21st Birthday on Saturday!

I asked Matt if it felt significant to him to be turning 21. He replied, "Actually, I think it's more significant to other people than it is to me."

That was honest and I wasn't surprised.

I am one of those other people. I wanted to be there the day he turned 21. I don't even know all the reasons why. One thing I've noticed, is that you spend all those years being responsible for your child. You are there influencing every part of their life. That responsibility is great at times, even overwhelming. There are all those things you say over and over and over again, while really wondering if any of it reaches wherever it needs to go to make a difference. As a parent there were so many years of cluelessness and simply hoping.

Then before you know it, it's time to begin the transition out of that responsibility. Oh my gosh, that takes trust. Without the Lord, I don't think I would have been willing to do it. I'm sure Matt can tell you the places, even now, where I can get tripped up by fear and forget to live in a place of trust.

I'm seeing that in more and more areas he is truly beginning to think like an adult who has switched his dependency of us to his relationship with God and others. He knows were are in his camp. He knows we are available when he decides he needs our perspective. He knows that we long for goodness to be a part of his journey. It was just so good for my soul to be together!

Matt, I want to say out loud for all the people that love both of us that the words that come to mind for you are these: passionate, good to those around you, teachable, one who laughs (about seven different versions of laughter), one who cries when your heart is deeply touched, one who desires to walk honestly before God and others, a person who doesn't mind taking risks in any area of your life.

You have taught me so much about what it means to trust God for being able to love well. I needed to learn from you.  I love you dearly. But what's even better than that, is that I really, really like you. I enjoy you so much. I am so excited to cheer you on and pray you on from here!

Love always,
Mama

P.S. - To all those, especially Dave, that have contributed to Matt and my relationship being good I am thankful for you this day as well. We've had a good village!

A Summer of Joy

Psalm 126

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.

¹ When the Lord brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,^[a]
    it was like a dream!
² We were filled with laughter,
    and we sang for joy.
And the other nations said,
    “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.”
³ Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!
    What joy!

⁴ Restore our fortunes, Lord,
    as streams renew the desert.
⁵ Those who plant in tears
    will harvest with shouts of joy.
⁶ They weep as they go to plant their seed,
    but they sing as they return with the harvest.

It finally happened. All that grieving, it finally led to a sustained place of joy.

Don't we wonder if that will be true? I sure did.


I write to this to encourage you to follow God into the places that cause Him to grieve...
  for you
  for your relationship with Him
  for your relationships with others
  for the things that are not right or good in this world

I promise you it will be worth it! I promise that God will give you what you need from Him to walk it out! I read these words of Psalm 126 and I know, that I know, that I know they are true. Have you noticed how loudly I've been singing in church lately. That's my interpretation of shouting!


Dear Lord,

How beautiful and satisfying it is to know that Your words are true. I'm thankful you taught this eternal optimist how to grieve. It was a hard sell.  I'm glad I no longer wonder if I will know real joy in this life. You have blown me away this summer. So much planting has come to harvest in my life and in my relationships with other people. I know full well how much I resisted you in all of this so it's easy to give you the credit.  For my friends who wonder now if they will make it through to a place of joy, I pray that you will sustain them as you did me. I have no idea how long this season of joy will last in my own life, I pray you will help me be deeply thankful for it each and every day. May all these realizations bring about a heart that is more devoted to You than ever before. May you be glorified.

Amen

City of Sorrows

I shared in a previous blog that I had made the decision to have very few expectations related to our journey to Israel.  I consider it a gift from God that He gave me that perspective prior to leaving. It gave me an unexpected freedom. It allowed me to trust Dave’s ability to remember almost everything he hears and my friend Kandy’s passion for writing down everything the guide was sharing with us. My trust was well placed. Shortly after our return our entire crew received a 20 page document of type notes. Trusting their abilities allowed me to enter into things more prayerfully and more visually, which I prefer to listening intently or taking notes. If I missed some details during the day I knew those could be discovered over dinner! And, I was able to share with those that asked what was stirring in me at different locations along the way.

I did hold onto one expectation. I had expectations about our ascent into Jerusalem. I wanted to be paying attention during this time. I wanted to be watching when we turned the corner and entered the city.

Dave was asked to play some music over the buses speaker system as we ascending in Jerusalem. In addition to music, Steve had some of the Psalms of Ascent read as well. And it didn’t turn out like I expected. Ha!

One of the songs Dave played is by a favorite artist by the name of Fernando Ortega. He has a song called City of Sorrows. Well that wasn’t the mood or the thoughts I had in mind for the ascent. My head was more in the area of amazement over all the people that have made the Pilgrimage to this city over the centuries. I wanted some how to participate with the people who over the centuries have entered into the city in community for various celebrations and to participate in acts of worship.

So when the song, City of Sorrows stuck I got surprised and tried to resist. It didn’t work. Our first stop was at the top of the Mount of Olives. This is what I saw.

A graveyard… the Garden of Gethsemane… the temple mount…

At one point we have a few minutes to simply look over the view. An idea was forming. This city while very important is not what it will be one day. This city represents so much death. All the battles that have been waged over the centuries related to the control of it were flashing through my mind. I was looking at several locations at once that represent Christ willingness to die in this place. The brutality of His death flashes before me. I’m standing over a vast graveyard. Most of the hill where I am standing is covered in graves… in death. Sorrow.

Next I thought about how often Christians will say that it’s just so amazing that Christ would be willing to die. I don’t understand why He would do it and why that way? In that moment those ideas didn’t resonate with me at all. Of course He was willing to die. When I think of all that has happened in my one little life and then I multiply that times all the people who have ever trusted Christ and what that has meant to their lives, it makes total sense that He was willing. I was grateful for these thoughts because I didn’t want to remain in a place of focusing in on the sorrow experienced in this city.

The next thing that happened is strangely wonderful. Hearts have become significant to me. They no longer represent fluffy romantic love. They represent so much more to me now.  At one point, I was looking out over the temple mount and imaging the Second Temple and for some reason I decided to look up at the sky.  I saw a dark cloud among white clouds and blue sky. The dark cloud was in the shape of heart. I looked at it and brought my eyes down. I couldn’t resist I looked again to see if I had made it up. I looked down again. I looked one last time. And there was more to see. Clouds exist in layers. A wind was blowing across the top of the black cloud and out of the top right corner of it were wisps of clouds made pink by the sunlight. Yes, a pink wispy cloud was coming out of the dark cloud. I’m sorry to say that I was not able to capture that with my camera. I couldn’t bring myself to speak and ask Dave to capture it with his. I was speechless. I was in awe. 

Jerusalem is the city of so many sorrows. Much blood has been shed in that place and continues to be shed today. But I, like so many others, have met the One who will one day make all things new including Jerusalem. I’m grateful for His willingness to give up His life for all people. It causes me sorrow to know that there are people today that are unable or unwilling to trust Him. He loves the so much. I am awed that God presented Himself to me in these ways in that place that day. I’m glad I stopped resisting Him when it didn’t match up with my expectations for the moment.   

Dear Lord,   

                                                                                              

Thank you for meeting me in unexpected ways on the Mount of Olives. Thank you for being willing to die and be resurrected so that I can know life in You. This can be so hard to believe and trust. Thank you for loving us even when we’re not responding to Your love. May blind eyes see, may hard hearts be softened and may ears hear something that causes them to mistrust their own judgment when they have concluded that You are not who You claim to be.

Amen

A Beloved Daughter's Psalm

As a part of that journey to Israel, our Pastor asked all of us to write a Psalm. As we traveled near the Dead Sea, this is was poured from my heart:

A Beloved Daughter's Psalm

I sing to The Lord for I have a new song!

A song of praise
A song of worship

You have restored me to the joy of my Salvation

You have searched me and found my heart...

Proud
      Self-righteous
           Judgmental
                Angry
                     Fearful
                          Unholy

And yet you did not turn from me.

Your heart, filled with grace instead, set about to rescue me.

Now I can see...

You brought freedom where there was bondage.
You brought compassion where there was judgement.
You brought hope where there was despair.
You brought clarity where there was confusion.
You replaced anger with peace.
You brought the light of your love into my dark places.

I marvel at your deeds.
And rejoice that I will sing for You, about You and with You forever and ever.

Amen

And they went down to the Jordan River...

I became a believer at nine years old.

At the end of catechism classes at age 12, I was baptized.

During both events I was aware and touched by the presence of the Holy Spirit.

In my 20's I learned of the different ways and times of life that Christians practice baptism. I considered, for a number of months, whether or not I should be rebaptized because I had not been submerged at age 12. Our Methodist Pastor Paul, (who I dearly love because he liked all my questions) sprinkled me on the forehead. As a 20 something, I concluded that since the Holy Spirit decided to make Himself known to me the day of my baptism that He must not have been bothered by the practice of sprinkling and I let the idea of being re-baptized go.

One of the surprises came as we prepared for Israel. I developed a strong desire to be baptized in the Jordan River. I almost got scared off by reports that the site can seem a bit circus like. There are lots of people who are baptized or re-baptized in the Jordan River in Israel. But as I prayed about it I realized that this was something I really felt led to do and I desired to do.

The day arrives in Israel. It's wet and cold from the beginning. It was raining off and on. More on than off. Our guide keeps checking in to see if we still wanted to go through with it. Six of our group of fifteen made the decision to be batptized and we all wanted to proceed to the site.

Community

Before sharing what was significant between the Lord and I, I want to share what it was like to be loved well by our community. Humans don't like to be uncomfortable. They do not find that enjoyable. Most find being wet and cold at the top, or close to the top of things they'd prefer not to experience. You would not have been able to observe that in the nine others that accompanied us to the Jordan River. They were excited. Picking out the best place for our little group to gather. Selecting the best spots to capture the moment on camera. Figuring out how to protect the camera equipment from the rain. They could have been storing them away and giving up on pictures. After the events, I found myself reflecting on what it was like to be a part of a group making those choices of love. I also pondered the observations made by our Israeli guide. He spoke to our group, with awe in his voice, about the decision to press on in spite of the rain and noticed our devotion to one another in the process. "They will know we are Christians by our love for one another."; Those words came alive in our group that afternoon. This is very significant to me. To the nine, I did not adequately express to you how loved I felt on that day. I hope you are reading these words now. From a place deep in my heart, I say thank you.

I also want to say that I have had the privledge of walking closely with several others baptized that day. It is a great joy to me that you included me in the process of deciding to be baptized and/or  sharing with me the significance of your decision to be baptized. Your willingness to include me made it all the more meaningful to witness. Thank you.


Between the Lord and me

As the day grew closer, I found myself wanting to understand the reasons for why I wanted to be baptized. I asked the Lord to help me see the significance in my life at this time. An insight that came before the event was the realization that when I was baptized as I child I did not understand the significance of being identified with Christ. Nor did I understand the significance of dying with Christ to be raised again to life in Him. Today, 34 years past my first baptism, my time in relationship with the Lord has given me a better understanding of both realities. I desired to testify to my faith in Christ and I desired to prayerfully experience being submerged into the water and raised back up out of the water. Both experiences were as meaningful as I had hoped they would be.

But there was more...

Initially, as I came up out of the water, I shared the joy and broad smiles with those around me.

A few steps up out of water, I burst into tears. Why? I had obeyed. There was no sense of obligation in the obedience. I was motivated by love. I felt known and seen and loved by my Heavenly Father. My heart felt open and free to receive His love and acceptance. I had listened to and walked into the desire of my heart. It was a rich and unexpected surprise as I tasted sweet fellowship with The Father, My Savior and the Holy Spirit over my willingness to obey and His response to me in that. I hope that moment leaves a lasting impression and even changes me.

Andie, Colleen, Me, Steve (Pastor), Bob, Mike and Kandy