If you've been reading my blog since it began you know that my family may be moving this summer. Back in November we were 90% sure that we would be moving. Then one thing led to another since mid January we really have no idea what might happen.
We've had a small army of people praying for us on this one. I've been so grateful for every prayer.
God has been using this time in my life to deepen my trust in Him. It has been an opportunity to walk in the knowledge of His goodness towards us and to trust that wherever we end up it will be purposeful.
A few weeks ago on this journey of trust, I had a gigantic lightbulb moment about what Paul was saying when he testified to learning the secret of contentment. Its hard for me to describe but I'm going to try.
Prior to my recent lightbulb moment the Lord has had me focused on what it means to abide. It suddenly became important to look at abiding from a different angle. I have all kinds of experience with not abiding. But what does it mean in my life. What does it look like to not abide?
Not abiding, has meant using all that I know about God and all that I want in life and mixing it up into this place I now call "taking" from God. I was bouncing around between truly seeing what the Lord wanted and obeying and taking life into my own hands and just doing. So if this "taking" approach to God helps me give language to my version of not abiding. Then what is abiding? What I believe God is showing me is His desire for me to learn how to "receive" from Him. A friend of mind describes this same thing as moving from willfullness in my walk with God to willingness. I am here to receive from Him as He wills rather than taking from God. Huge, Huge, Huge lightbulb for me. I was driving people crazy with the joy I was walking in associated with this revelation.
So while going through this process of discovering where we might be living I would experience contentment if I could walk by faith believing and trusting that God in his goodness will act on our behalf to get us to the location He wants us to be. If during that process God called upon me to act then I need to be obedient and act. If God called upon me to wait patiently then I need to be obedient and wait patiently. I could rest and be free.
Today I woke up suffering from lack of strength and patience with God and our cirucmstances. I have been struggling for days with being very tempted to take matters into my own hands and start forcing some issues. I was losing my grip on contentment and choosing to be discontent. Completely aware during every moment that it was coming from a place of rebellion and willfulness.
Why the change? I'm human. I'm physically and emotionally tired. People we love want answers as bad as we do. I'm suffering because I want this part of my journey to be over and I wanted to stop walking by faith and take back control of my life. There it is again an inclination to "take" from God. Choosing to not "take" and instead to offer up my life in obedience to Christ is costing me. It is not painless.
The thing is that the Lord has allowed me enough of "taste and see that the Lord is good" and enough "miry places" created by my own willfullness that taking control wasn't really that attractive either.
I think what God has been saying to me today is that I want you to learn to be able to live with the pain of abiding. And because of all the work God has done on my behalf leading me up to today I was able to say through tears, "okay". The first thing I did was pray for grace and obedience and trust and patience and endurance and hope. By God's grace, I decided I am not going to choose rebellion. By God's grace, I decided I am going to choose contentment in all things. By God's grace, I decided I am going to choose to rejoice always.
So here's what God provided since that prayer this morning:
I picked up a book a friend gave me and the page bookmarked said in big bold letters, "Hope when you are depressed by the greatness of your problems."
My prayer partner and I ususally talk on Fridays. This week it worked out to be today instead. Our conversation and prayer time together was good for my soul.
My husband is on a business trip and we just had the best conversation over the phone about this whole ordeal. Even though God isn't working according to my schedule His hand is at work on our behalf.
I had time to take a long nap this afternoon.
Once again God generously met me with all that He is and all that He provides when I chose to believe Him and to call on Him.
I'm so thankful that God hasn't and never will give up on me. I'm so grateful for his graciousness to me today. I'm so thankful for friends and family who are His hands and feet to us. For those of you who made it to the end of this entry, thanks for listening.
Don't stop praying! I've got to make it through tomorrow and the day after that and ..... :)
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Signs of Faith
On Sunday I was watching a program where they profiled a guy who has made a book composed entirely of photographs he called "signs of faith". As he traveled the United States, doing his job as a photo journalist, he began to notice these "signs of faith". When he first began to notice them he described himself as a "lasped Methodist". Some were church signs but mostly they were yard signs or side of the road signs.
One comment he made really stuck with me. He said he liked the quality of people taking the message into their own hands. I find that an interesting comment to ponder. Are preachers not doing a good job with their comments? Are preachers making to many comments? What made him appreciate that they might be motitvated to take the message into their own hands?
I would say I was also a little convicted. I don't think I respect enough that God can use more things than I can possibly imagine to turn the attention of people off of themselves and onto Him.
Oh, while I was on the internet this morning I saw a list of "church signs". This one made me smile:
When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
One comment he made really stuck with me. He said he liked the quality of people taking the message into their own hands. I find that an interesting comment to ponder. Are preachers not doing a good job with their comments? Are preachers making to many comments? What made him appreciate that they might be motitvated to take the message into their own hands?
I would say I was also a little convicted. I don't think I respect enough that God can use more things than I can possibly imagine to turn the attention of people off of themselves and onto Him.
Oh, while I was on the internet this morning I saw a list of "church signs". This one made me smile:
When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
Sunday, April 08, 2007
HE IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED
I am grateful.
I am hopeful.
I am speechless.
Singing, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."
I am hopeful.
I am speechless.
Singing, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Just One Day
In just one day:
My husband arrived home from a long flight with the flu.
My son thanked me for lightening up on my "i don't like video games" mantra so he could enjoy a day of gaming while on Spring Break.
I spent some time in the Word and praying.
I spent some time in the Word and praying.
My parents emailed me about a health scare for my Uncle.
An old friend found my email through the "grapevine". We haven't talked to each other in 10+ years. So great to get caught up.
A friend in Germany and I have gotten into a great conversation via email about a really cool subject.
I read 150 amazing pages in two different books for class.
I got the grocery shopping done.
I wrote a couple of notes to put in the mail tomorrow.
I found out my old college has a new President and listened to his installation address.
An old friend found my email through the "grapevine". We haven't talked to each other in 10+ years. So great to get caught up.
A friend in Germany and I have gotten into a great conversation via email about a really cool subject.
I read 150 amazing pages in two different books for class.
I got the grocery shopping done.
I wrote a couple of notes to put in the mail tomorrow.
I found out my old college has a new President and listened to his installation address.
My life today has been impacted directly by people on three continents and from three different States in just twelve hours.
Isn't that crazy? Who would have believed that could be possible in 1901? That kind of interaction with one another is becoming mundane, totally normal, nothing extraordinary.
What actually makes all those moments so extraordinary is that God wants to be involved in every moment of every one of our days! WOW! God is so amazing!
Isn't that crazy? Who would have believed that could be possible in 1901? That kind of interaction with one another is becoming mundane, totally normal, nothing extraordinary.
What actually makes all those moments so extraordinary is that God wants to be involved in every moment of every one of our days! WOW! God is so amazing!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Mexico
My son is on a mission trip this week just across the border in Mexico. Our church has had a relationship with the same ministry in Mexico for more than a decade, almost two decades I think. Our participation as a church has grown from taking down one team, to build one house to 80+ people which is enough to build two homes and have a Vacation Bible School type experience for the kids in the neighborhood.
The house that is built consists of three rooms and a loft. It is built out of 2x4's, plywood and sheet rock. There is no plumbing and in many cases no electricity although electricity is coming to more and more hillsides.
I think the supplies for the house cost in the neighborhood of $6,000. I have no idea what the land costs. In California an 1100 sq ft house can cost you over $600,000. An imaginary line divides these two existences.
I've gone on the trip to Mexico three times now. You hear the teenagers pondering and being surprised by the difference between their home and the homes their building. Or they might contemplate what its like to be a kid growing up in those hills. They notice things like its dusty and dirty. There are no trees. It is basically a hilly desert which appears to have very little natural resources for supporting life. They wonder how people don't die from boredom.
So often when people get back from these experiences they speak about being grateful that we have so much. But as I've been praying about this trip for my son, I've been wondering if gratefulness for what we have is really the point.
Instead I find myself longing, for my son to ask bigger questions? Why do we have so much? What does it mean for me to have a lot when someone else has so little? What does God expect of me when I am born on the side of the line which has so much?
Then there are the questions for me, what if God breaks my son's heart for the poor? What if God calls my son to go drill holes in Africa so villages can have fresh water? Am I going to cheer him on? Or am I going to try to stand in God's way?
I raise this question because I happen to know several young people who right now are serving God against their parents "better" judgement. These young people get questions like: How will you feed your family? How will you ever own a home? You can't be successful doing that? I've sacrificed so you could have a good education? The list goes on...
May my son have the courage to ask really hard questions? May he have ears by God's grace to receive the answers. May his dear ol' Mom and Dad have the courage to help guide him towards the Father's will and not away.
The house that is built consists of three rooms and a loft. It is built out of 2x4's, plywood and sheet rock. There is no plumbing and in many cases no electricity although electricity is coming to more and more hillsides.
I think the supplies for the house cost in the neighborhood of $6,000. I have no idea what the land costs. In California an 1100 sq ft house can cost you over $600,000. An imaginary line divides these two existences.
I've gone on the trip to Mexico three times now. You hear the teenagers pondering and being surprised by the difference between their home and the homes their building. Or they might contemplate what its like to be a kid growing up in those hills. They notice things like its dusty and dirty. There are no trees. It is basically a hilly desert which appears to have very little natural resources for supporting life. They wonder how people don't die from boredom.
So often when people get back from these experiences they speak about being grateful that we have so much. But as I've been praying about this trip for my son, I've been wondering if gratefulness for what we have is really the point.
Instead I find myself longing, for my son to ask bigger questions? Why do we have so much? What does it mean for me to have a lot when someone else has so little? What does God expect of me when I am born on the side of the line which has so much?
Then there are the questions for me, what if God breaks my son's heart for the poor? What if God calls my son to go drill holes in Africa so villages can have fresh water? Am I going to cheer him on? Or am I going to try to stand in God's way?
I raise this question because I happen to know several young people who right now are serving God against their parents "better" judgement. These young people get questions like: How will you feed your family? How will you ever own a home? You can't be successful doing that? I've sacrificed so you could have a good education? The list goes on...
May my son have the courage to ask really hard questions? May he have ears by God's grace to receive the answers. May his dear ol' Mom and Dad have the courage to help guide him towards the Father's will and not away.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Allow me to introduce Chloe
Chloe has been a part of our family for a couple of years now. She is loved equally by all three of us. She loves all three of us back just the same. She doesn't have a favorite.
Tuesday night I was reading in my room when I heard her make a strange bark near the back gate. I asked the guys if the back gate had been locked after the mowers had finished. They said it had. I ignored her and continued to read.
30 minutes went by and my son decided to figure out why she hadn't come back in. Yep, the gate was open. She was gone. We spread out through the neighborhood and looked for her for an hour or so.
As I was walking, calling her name and praying that the Lord would bring her back to us. God gave me a deep sense of peace about the whole thing. I was frustrated and I was concerned she might get hit by a car. She's not very street smart but yet peaceful. We left the gate open in the back. We prayed together as a family and went to sleep.
In the middle of a dream I heard a strange sound, "Am I dreaming about hearing Chloe or did I hear Chloe"? I jumped out of bed but she beat me to the door already scratching at it before I made it. She had returned home at 1:42 am, smelling like perfume and absent her collar and dog tags. We wish she could tell us that story.
My sense of thankfulness was so deep. I was thankful she was safe. I was thankful we had her back. I was thankful God had granted both a sense of peace and a quick answer to prayer. Quick does not seem to be on His agenda for me lately. :)
I am thankful God has created creatures that we get to enjoy as much as we enjoy our little dog. I am thankful I have further proof God cares about everything in our lives.
What has God used to show you how much He cares about everything in your life?
Thursday, March 22, 2007
God is a Fear Taker and a Mind Changer
Last week someone asked me, "What is God using to transform your heart?" "What is it that changes your mind and your heart and leads you to trust God's perspective more than the perspective of your flesh or the world around you?"
God has taken something that I have resisted since Jr. High and turned me from repulsion to real appreciation for it.
It started something like this. God I don't know what to do today during my time out with you. What should I do? I went through my typical list of choices. Everything seemed flat. Then I had a moment when I sensed the Lord wanted me to start to learn by heart a passage of scripture. What scripture? I was teaching out of Galatians at the time so it was where I began.
Wow! A couple of weeks into it I started to wonder why do I like this so much when I have hated it , and rebelled against it for so long. What was different?
This is what I believe happened. In the beginning of my walk with the Lord I had been told to memorize for a competition or to have to say out loud in a group setting of some kind. Both of those terrify me. So as I continued my journey with the Lord, every time the invitation came from a person to "memorize" a verse or passage all those past emotions came to the surface. So I avoided it or said I just don't seem to be able to "memorize."
Now that's just plain crazy. I knew it when I would use it as an excuse. It's crazy because as a professional I had to take one of those three day tests. That test requires you to memorize for six months to a year prior to the test. I was able to do that. My entire educational training, like it is for all of us, had been to memorize. We've all been trained to memorize. Certainly for some of us it is easier than for others but we are all capable of it.
The difference this time was that there was no agenda for how much I would learn or how long it would take. There was going to be no test at the end. As I started to learn the Word by heart, amazing things happened. One day a particular word would stick out over another. I would pray about questions I had or praise God for insights He gave me related to that word. It was absolutely not a chore it was an act of worship.
How did I memorize? I wrote the verses out. I walked around and memorized them. I said them out loud. I wrote the first letter of every word as I got to know the verses better. I did everything I could think of and best of all I asked God to help me. I believe with all my heart, God helped me.
Guess when I stopped being able to learn the Word by heart? When I started showing my husband how much I had memorized. I became proud. A proud heart is not a teachable heart. It took me some time to realize what had happened. I felt very bad about it when I did figure it out. I said I was sorry. God forgave me.
So why am I writing about this today, because I want you to know that the next time the Lord invites you to learn something by heart from His Word that it can be the most amazing and wonderful experience. God really does use it in your life to bless you in so many unexpected ways and in unanticipated circumstances.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for giving us Your Word. Help us to understand what you given us. Help us to be hungry for Your Word. Thank you that Your Word brings us into your presence in a way that nothing else does. Thank you for dealing with our fears so they can be taken away from us. Thank you for pursuing in us a change of mind and heart.
Amen
God has taken something that I have resisted since Jr. High and turned me from repulsion to real appreciation for it.
It started something like this. God I don't know what to do today during my time out with you. What should I do? I went through my typical list of choices. Everything seemed flat. Then I had a moment when I sensed the Lord wanted me to start to learn by heart a passage of scripture. What scripture? I was teaching out of Galatians at the time so it was where I began.
Wow! A couple of weeks into it I started to wonder why do I like this so much when I have hated it , and rebelled against it for so long. What was different?
This is what I believe happened. In the beginning of my walk with the Lord I had been told to memorize for a competition or to have to say out loud in a group setting of some kind. Both of those terrify me. So as I continued my journey with the Lord, every time the invitation came from a person to "memorize" a verse or passage all those past emotions came to the surface. So I avoided it or said I just don't seem to be able to "memorize."
Now that's just plain crazy. I knew it when I would use it as an excuse. It's crazy because as a professional I had to take one of those three day tests. That test requires you to memorize for six months to a year prior to the test. I was able to do that. My entire educational training, like it is for all of us, had been to memorize. We've all been trained to memorize. Certainly for some of us it is easier than for others but we are all capable of it.
The difference this time was that there was no agenda for how much I would learn or how long it would take. There was going to be no test at the end. As I started to learn the Word by heart, amazing things happened. One day a particular word would stick out over another. I would pray about questions I had or praise God for insights He gave me related to that word. It was absolutely not a chore it was an act of worship.
How did I memorize? I wrote the verses out. I walked around and memorized them. I said them out loud. I wrote the first letter of every word as I got to know the verses better. I did everything I could think of and best of all I asked God to help me. I believe with all my heart, God helped me.
Guess when I stopped being able to learn the Word by heart? When I started showing my husband how much I had memorized. I became proud. A proud heart is not a teachable heart. It took me some time to realize what had happened. I felt very bad about it when I did figure it out. I said I was sorry. God forgave me.
So why am I writing about this today, because I want you to know that the next time the Lord invites you to learn something by heart from His Word that it can be the most amazing and wonderful experience. God really does use it in your life to bless you in so many unexpected ways and in unanticipated circumstances.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for giving us Your Word. Help us to understand what you given us. Help us to be hungry for Your Word. Thank you that Your Word brings us into your presence in a way that nothing else does. Thank you for dealing with our fears so they can be taken away from us. Thank you for pursuing in us a change of mind and heart.
Amen
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Andrew Murray
I have a new friend. His name is Andrew Murray. This friendship is different from other friendships. It is very one sided. I receive from this friend over and over again but I can't give back to him. He is at home with the Lord.
Andrew lived from 1828-1917. He served as a pastor and as an author in South Africa. He was raised in South Africa by parents who were missionaries to that country from Scotland. Some of his education took place in Scotland. South Africa was his homeland.
Andrew through his writings, which are many, has taught me so many things. Andrew is passionate about learning to abide in Christ, learning to pray and seeing revival come to his homeland.
It is uncanny to me how accurate his descriptions of his day and the believers of his day are of our own day. God has used Andrew's testimony of love for the whole church and love for the world to inspire me to want to pray for the "big picture" more than I have ever been inspired before.
Andrew got to watch revival come to his land. It is well documented that in 1860 revival swept through South Africa. Talk about a blessing!! I can't even imagine what it must be like to live through an answer to prayer that is that big.
Andrew's books have been considered classics for a long time. They are available online for free. However much of what is available online is old enough English that it can be hard to really hear what Andrew is saying. I highly recommend a translation that has been done into modern English by the publisher Whitaker House. It is titled: Andrew Murray on Prayer by Andrew Murray.
If in your own journey you are craving to understand more about what it means to abide in Christ or you want to understand more about what it is to have a life-receiving and life-giving prayer life, please ask the Lord if He would like for Andrew Murray to be one of your friends too.
On my list of things I dream about for heaven I have added two things. I would love the opportunity to say thank you to Andrew Murray for how his obedience to the Lord made a difference for me. I would like the joy of sitting and listening to Andrew recount his hallelujah moments on earth.
Andrew lived from 1828-1917. He served as a pastor and as an author in South Africa. He was raised in South Africa by parents who were missionaries to that country from Scotland. Some of his education took place in Scotland. South Africa was his homeland.
Andrew through his writings, which are many, has taught me so many things. Andrew is passionate about learning to abide in Christ, learning to pray and seeing revival come to his homeland.
It is uncanny to me how accurate his descriptions of his day and the believers of his day are of our own day. God has used Andrew's testimony of love for the whole church and love for the world to inspire me to want to pray for the "big picture" more than I have ever been inspired before.
Andrew got to watch revival come to his land. It is well documented that in 1860 revival swept through South Africa. Talk about a blessing!! I can't even imagine what it must be like to live through an answer to prayer that is that big.
Andrew's books have been considered classics for a long time. They are available online for free. However much of what is available online is old enough English that it can be hard to really hear what Andrew is saying. I highly recommend a translation that has been done into modern English by the publisher Whitaker House. It is titled: Andrew Murray on Prayer by Andrew Murray.
If in your own journey you are craving to understand more about what it means to abide in Christ or you want to understand more about what it is to have a life-receiving and life-giving prayer life, please ask the Lord if He would like for Andrew Murray to be one of your friends too.
On my list of things I dream about for heaven I have added two things. I would love the opportunity to say thank you to Andrew Murray for how his obedience to the Lord made a difference for me. I would like the joy of sitting and listening to Andrew recount his hallelujah moments on earth.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Greater Trust, Straighter Paths
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart.
and lean not on your OWN understanding.
In ALL your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
It seems I show up at these verses after I have tried to use all my own understanding and it hasn't worked out to well.
My paths are pretty curvy. And the funny thing is that, until just recently, I would have characterized myself as being someone who was pretty willing to acknowledge Him. It turns out that was a lie I was telling myself to often.
Lip service to God is not acknowledgement. Worship that brings you sincerely bowed down low is acknowledgement. Obedience from a heart of love is acknowledgement. Walking by faith and not by sight is acknowledgement.
I don't want to live in the lie of trusting myself and claiming that I am trusting God. God has so much work to do inside me on that one. But I've tasted that these words in Proverbs are true and so I look forward to the Lord continuing to work in my heart. To create in me a heart of faith, worship and obedience.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for being so patient with us. Thank you for convicting us not just when we're lying to to other people but also when we're lying to ourselves. Lord teach us what the words, "Trust in the Lord will all your heart" really mean. What would the world look like if a bunch of us really trusted you that way?
Forgive us for thinking we know so much. Its funny that we pick on teenagers for having that attitude and often can't see it in ourselves. We are so grateful for your correcting and life giving mercy in our lives. Give us hearts that truly love you and want to walk in obedience to you. May we live lives with straighter paths so we can have the opportunity to tell people about the Straight Path Giver.
Amen
and lean not on your OWN understanding.
In ALL your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
It seems I show up at these verses after I have tried to use all my own understanding and it hasn't worked out to well.
My paths are pretty curvy. And the funny thing is that, until just recently, I would have characterized myself as being someone who was pretty willing to acknowledge Him. It turns out that was a lie I was telling myself to often.
Lip service to God is not acknowledgement. Worship that brings you sincerely bowed down low is acknowledgement. Obedience from a heart of love is acknowledgement. Walking by faith and not by sight is acknowledgement.
I don't want to live in the lie of trusting myself and claiming that I am trusting God. God has so much work to do inside me on that one. But I've tasted that these words in Proverbs are true and so I look forward to the Lord continuing to work in my heart. To create in me a heart of faith, worship and obedience.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for being so patient with us. Thank you for convicting us not just when we're lying to to other people but also when we're lying to ourselves. Lord teach us what the words, "Trust in the Lord will all your heart" really mean. What would the world look like if a bunch of us really trusted you that way?
Forgive us for thinking we know so much. Its funny that we pick on teenagers for having that attitude and often can't see it in ourselves. We are so grateful for your correcting and life giving mercy in our lives. Give us hearts that truly love you and want to walk in obedience to you. May we live lives with straighter paths so we can have the opportunity to tell people about the Straight Path Giver.
Amen
Monday, March 05, 2007
Teresa of Avila - The Interior Castle
Something I was reading lately reminded me of a classic by a women named Teresa of Avila. Teresa lived in the 1500's. She wrote several books. One of her books is called The Interior Castle. In it she attempts to describe her understanding of the soul and its interaction with God.
As I began rereading it this week. I was struck by something she said in Chapter 2. She is recounting lessons that a friend of hers received from a vision. The second lesson was this, "Humility, for she saw that nothing good in us springs from ourselves but comes from the waters of grace near which the soul remains like a tree planted beside a river, and from that Sun which gives life to our works." She then goes onto make the observation that, "Generally she forgot all about herself and only thought of God when she did any meritorious action."
This turned out to be something I needed to read today. At the beginning of my day I was sensing that there was something I needed to confess but I just didn't know what exactly was wrong. I asked the Lord to show me what it was. When I read these words my heart started to pound. I was able to see a circumstance where I had acted obediently and united with Christ but as I replayed the moments in my mind I started to miss that I was only the tree and that God was the water and the Sun. There I was again experiencing being puffed up with pride rather then embracing humility and being thrilled to be a vessel.
Two things thrill me about what happened. I knew I had done something wrong. I needed the Lord to show me what it was and minutes later in a random reading its right there in black and white. And, God is increasing my sensitivity to when something is just not right. I do not feel in any way condemned in it but rather really really loved. Because I feel loved I am more willing to be corrected. God is so good!
Lord,
May we learn to truly have no confidence in the flesh. May we thrill to be used by you for your purposes. May we stop taking credit for it apart from you when those moments only happen united with you.
Amen
As I began rereading it this week. I was struck by something she said in Chapter 2. She is recounting lessons that a friend of hers received from a vision. The second lesson was this, "Humility, for she saw that nothing good in us springs from ourselves but comes from the waters of grace near which the soul remains like a tree planted beside a river, and from that Sun which gives life to our works." She then goes onto make the observation that, "Generally she forgot all about herself and only thought of God when she did any meritorious action."
This turned out to be something I needed to read today. At the beginning of my day I was sensing that there was something I needed to confess but I just didn't know what exactly was wrong. I asked the Lord to show me what it was. When I read these words my heart started to pound. I was able to see a circumstance where I had acted obediently and united with Christ but as I replayed the moments in my mind I started to miss that I was only the tree and that God was the water and the Sun. There I was again experiencing being puffed up with pride rather then embracing humility and being thrilled to be a vessel.
Two things thrill me about what happened. I knew I had done something wrong. I needed the Lord to show me what it was and minutes later in a random reading its right there in black and white. And, God is increasing my sensitivity to when something is just not right. I do not feel in any way condemned in it but rather really really loved. Because I feel loved I am more willing to be corrected. God is so good!
Lord,
May we learn to truly have no confidence in the flesh. May we thrill to be used by you for your purposes. May we stop taking credit for it apart from you when those moments only happen united with you.
Amen
Friday, March 02, 2007
Marvelous
I marvel at the body of Christ. I marvel at the life giving blessings that God has for us when we committ to being in relationship with one another.
One of our pastors recently did a message on how we need to have a mentor, a sister at a similar place and someone we are being called to mentor in our lives. I was blessed today to relflect on the mentors I have in my life right now and the mentors of younger days. I am blessed by amazing sisters in the Lord and a few great brothers too. I am blessed to be a mentor.
I am in awe of how the Lord has orchestrated bringing each of those relationships into my life. What an awesome God we serve!
Its something I don't ever want to take for granted.
I also love that in these different relationships that I move back and forth between being taught and being the teacher. There is nothing more precious to me in human relationships then the communion with another person over a shared awareness of the presence of God.
Dear Lord,
Thank you giving us what we need to grow in the grace and knowledge of you. Thank you for insisting that one of the things we need is realationship with each other. May we be willing to be used by you as you see fit. May we feel connected with other believers as we face a broken and hurting world who needs to find You. May our relationships with each other be a testimony to those who are lost and not yet found.
Amen
One of our pastors recently did a message on how we need to have a mentor, a sister at a similar place and someone we are being called to mentor in our lives. I was blessed today to relflect on the mentors I have in my life right now and the mentors of younger days. I am blessed by amazing sisters in the Lord and a few great brothers too. I am blessed to be a mentor.
I am in awe of how the Lord has orchestrated bringing each of those relationships into my life. What an awesome God we serve!
Its something I don't ever want to take for granted.
I also love that in these different relationships that I move back and forth between being taught and being the teacher. There is nothing more precious to me in human relationships then the communion with another person over a shared awareness of the presence of God.
Dear Lord,
Thank you giving us what we need to grow in the grace and knowledge of you. Thank you for insisting that one of the things we need is realationship with each other. May we be willing to be used by you as you see fit. May we feel connected with other believers as we face a broken and hurting world who needs to find You. May our relationships with each other be a testimony to those who are lost and not yet found.
Amen
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
A Severe Mercy
I read a book this weekend that was absolutely time well spent. It is called A Severe Mercy.
It was written by an American who became friends with C.S. Lewis while he lived in Oxford, England. The author's name is Sheldon Vanauken.
It's a love story. A love story between a man and a women. Then between a man and a women and their Creator who they learn to recognize as their Lord and Savior. Then it becomes an ongoing love story between a woman, a man and their God.
One of the reviews on the back of the book says, "...that delievers an extraordinary impact on the reader." I think that may be an understatement.
On a different note...
I received this from a friend after I confessed to having a moment when I was once again getting impatient with God's sense of timing. As I was sitting there asking for God's help because I clearly needed patience and endurance from Him I suddenly began to chuckle as I had an image of God half seriously and half jokingly say to me, "You know I have a lot going on up here right now. What I want to do for you requires some cooperation on the part of a few others. Since I chosen not to override their will. I would appreicate if you would stop blaming me." :)
I have no idea if this was divine imaginiation or a coping mechanism but it did make me laugh. Maybe it put a smile on the Lord's face too. That's a fun thought.
So hears to great books, beautiful and hopeful poems and sense of humor! Cheers!
It was written by an American who became friends with C.S. Lewis while he lived in Oxford, England. The author's name is Sheldon Vanauken.
It's a love story. A love story between a man and a women. Then between a man and a women and their Creator who they learn to recognize as their Lord and Savior. Then it becomes an ongoing love story between a woman, a man and their God.
One of the reviews on the back of the book says, "...that delievers an extraordinary impact on the reader." I think that may be an understatement.
On a different note...
God has foreordanied the works
which He has called you.
He has been ahead of you
preparing the place
to which you are coming and
maniupulating all
the resources
of the universe
in order that
the work
you may do may be
a part of HIS whole
great and gracious
work.
Poem by G. Campbell Morgan
which He has called you.
He has been ahead of you
preparing the place
to which you are coming and
maniupulating all
the resources
of the universe
in order that
the work
you may do may be
a part of HIS whole
great and gracious
work.
Poem by G. Campbell Morgan
I received this from a friend after I confessed to having a moment when I was once again getting impatient with God's sense of timing. As I was sitting there asking for God's help because I clearly needed patience and endurance from Him I suddenly began to chuckle as I had an image of God half seriously and half jokingly say to me, "You know I have a lot going on up here right now. What I want to do for you requires some cooperation on the part of a few others. Since I chosen not to override their will. I would appreicate if you would stop blaming me." :)
I have no idea if this was divine imaginiation or a coping mechanism but it did make me laugh. Maybe it put a smile on the Lord's face too. That's a fun thought.
So hears to great books, beautiful and hopeful poems and sense of humor! Cheers!
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Giver of all good gifts
Do you know that your Father in heaven wants to give you gifts? What kind of gifts you say? The kind of gift that only He could come up with. The kind of gift where it so deeply touches your heart it could only come from someone who knows you inside and out. The kind of gift that humbles you in its deep expression of love for you. The kind of gift that says WOW! He really does love me!
I just want to encourage you today. Hang onto those unspoken or quietly prayed for desires of your heart. And watch and wait with a humble heart. If what your heart wants is in His will, God might just throw you a surprise party!
I hope you have a great day!
I just want to encourage you today. Hang onto those unspoken or quietly prayed for desires of your heart. And watch and wait with a humble heart. If what your heart wants is in His will, God might just throw you a surprise party!
I hope you have a great day!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Grief before change.
There are common themes when you read the words of the prophets. An author who has spent a great deal of time thinking about many themes found in the books of the prophets has opened my eyes to some things. I have found some of those themes to be overwhelming in many ways. I've been asking the Lord help with all that I am encountering.
But one theme in particular has stuck with me. It is the theme that grief must always come before change. We can not change what we do not grieve. I have lived this one. I have lived this one in many areas of my life.
Synonyms for grief are anguish, heartache, woe, misery; sadness, and melancholy. What strikes me this morning is that disappointment is not enough to motivate change. It may be a stepping stone on the path towards grief but it is not the same as grief. Are you frustrated about something in your life and you've wanted change for a long time now but it just doesn't seem possible? I would invite you to ask God to bring you to a place where you are able to greive over what ever it is that is bringing something other then God's goodness into your life. Is it a possession? Is it an obsession? Is it a way of life? Is it an attitude?
So other then change why would I invite grief into my life? Because the opposite of grief is JOY!
But one theme in particular has stuck with me. It is the theme that grief must always come before change. We can not change what we do not grieve. I have lived this one. I have lived this one in many areas of my life.
Synonyms for grief are anguish, heartache, woe, misery; sadness, and melancholy. What strikes me this morning is that disappointment is not enough to motivate change. It may be a stepping stone on the path towards grief but it is not the same as grief. Are you frustrated about something in your life and you've wanted change for a long time now but it just doesn't seem possible? I would invite you to ask God to bring you to a place where you are able to greive over what ever it is that is bringing something other then God's goodness into your life. Is it a possession? Is it an obsession? Is it a way of life? Is it an attitude?
So other then change why would I invite grief into my life? Because the opposite of grief is JOY!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Shine
What does it mean to let our little light shine?
A book I've been reading defines the the "glory of the Lord" for men and women to be "in His likeness".
What are the actions, attitudes, truths and encounters with the Lord that need to take place in order for us to discover what it is to shine? Can we be aware of the light? When others identify the light how do we respond? What response is appropriate? Does the response change with the circumstances or environment? Relationships don't fit very well into formulas.
These are questions I have been asking. God has been answering. I love how God has been answering. As seems to be at least one of His patterns in my life, He brings Himself, scriptures, people through books, people through music and people through life to answer my questions or at least teach me what questions to be asking.
Newsboys in their song "Shine" identifies what has been the hardest question to ask and to hear the answer to which is "What's my motivation?"
Asking yourself honestly what your motivation is for letting your little light shine can be very informative. If the answer doesn't match what you know God wants your motivation to be then you've discovered a list of new questions.
Dear Lord,
Thank you allowing us, your children, to play a part in allowing your light to shine. Give us courage to explore our questions and most of all to recieve the answers. Thank you for loving on us so richly and so well. Help us to receive your love so that we will also be able to respond in obedience and love to what ever you decide to show us. Lord increase our faith.
Amen
A book I've been reading defines the the "glory of the Lord" for men and women to be "in His likeness".
What are the actions, attitudes, truths and encounters with the Lord that need to take place in order for us to discover what it is to shine? Can we be aware of the light? When others identify the light how do we respond? What response is appropriate? Does the response change with the circumstances or environment? Relationships don't fit very well into formulas.
These are questions I have been asking. God has been answering. I love how God has been answering. As seems to be at least one of His patterns in my life, He brings Himself, scriptures, people through books, people through music and people through life to answer my questions or at least teach me what questions to be asking.
Newsboys in their song "Shine" identifies what has been the hardest question to ask and to hear the answer to which is "What's my motivation?"
Asking yourself honestly what your motivation is for letting your little light shine can be very informative. If the answer doesn't match what you know God wants your motivation to be then you've discovered a list of new questions.
Dear Lord,
Thank you allowing us, your children, to play a part in allowing your light to shine. Give us courage to explore our questions and most of all to recieve the answers. Thank you for loving on us so richly and so well. Help us to receive your love so that we will also be able to respond in obedience and love to what ever you decide to show us. Lord increase our faith.
Amen
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Daniel's Dream
I've been studying the book of Daniel with some ladies at church. In chapter six we learned that Daniel had a habit of praying three times a day facing Jerusalem. This habit in combination with a few people with evil motivations landed him in the Lion's Den. God saved Daniel from the mouth of the lion when he was in his 80's. Amazing!
Yesterday we were listening to a teacher share with us details about the dream that Daniel witnesses/becomes a part of in Daniel 7. This dream/vision takes place in Daniel's 60's. The dream is of God, The Ancient of Days on his Throne and victorious over evil and the history of mankind.
When I took in and tried to imagine all the Daniel had seen in his vision it made so much sense to me why Daniel would be inspired to be on his knees three times a day worshipping, thanking and praying to the God of the universe. Holy, Holy, Holy. Worthy, Worthy, Worthy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was, Who is and Who is to come.
Yesterday we were listening to a teacher share with us details about the dream that Daniel witnesses/becomes a part of in Daniel 7. This dream/vision takes place in Daniel's 60's. The dream is of God, The Ancient of Days on his Throne and victorious over evil and the history of mankind.
When I took in and tried to imagine all the Daniel had seen in his vision it made so much sense to me why Daniel would be inspired to be on his knees three times a day worshipping, thanking and praying to the God of the universe. Holy, Holy, Holy. Worthy, Worthy, Worthy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was, Who is and Who is to come.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Freedom in Christ
Scripture says its available to us. I don't believe that perfect freedom is available to us while were here on this earth. Many people teach that it is. We just haven't worked hard enough or had enough faith to experience it. That's what some people say.
As I said I don't agree with those people. But I also don't find myself believing the group that says freedom is really for eternity. The flesh is just to powerful here for us to experience real, deep and abiding freedom. There are certainly times when I've been tempted to believe this crowd.
So why don't I believe what they have to say. There are a few reasons that I'm consciously aware of. First of all I wrestle with bondage. I have given my life over into rebellion enough in certain areas of my life that my response is automatic and even uncontrollable. I feel powerless to do anything differently then I do. But I also know that the testimonies of those who say they lived in bondage and now walk in freedom have gotten my ear. Their testimonies in combination with Scripture has caused me to explore whether or not their testimonies are true.
I picture bondage now as being 100 different jail cells. 100 may be extreme but my point is that my life is not experienced as only one unit. Some places were in bondage. Now there not. Why? Because I have believed something is true and lived in the truth. Where my soul is united with Christ on something I am free. This where freedom also comes and goes. If I have taken in information or experiences that cause me to doubt what is true I can end up locked up again. But it is also easier to remember where the key is.
So the places that are full of, I do what I don't want to do and I do them sometimes without even feeling like I have control over them and have regrets later are places where I do not choose faith in God over me, myself and I. Or I choose faith in others or things apart from God. The list of reasons why I choose myself over God are seemingly endless.
It shocking to me how blind I even am to the fact that is what is going on. I am completely dependent on God to open my eyes to my lack of faith and trust in Him.
Boy the worst parts are the ones that I value the way I think or believe and it feels like a part of me is literally dying to give up what I value and to choose God over my very comfortable, pleasure driven lies.
I've tasted enough of God changing me to believe that the pessimist on this topic should be listened to just enough for you to understand that complete freedom on every subject in every part of my being, my mind, my sould, my body, and my will wont be experienced this side of heaven. But if I allow that truth to give me permission to be complacent about being united and transformed by the grace, love and wisdom of the Trinity someone other then GOd will have won untold numbers of battles. I don't just want to be a part of winning the war. I want more than that! I want more because I have tasted of the Lord and He is GOOD.
To God alone be the glory for the great things He has done for His children.
Amen.
As I said I don't agree with those people. But I also don't find myself believing the group that says freedom is really for eternity. The flesh is just to powerful here for us to experience real, deep and abiding freedom. There are certainly times when I've been tempted to believe this crowd.
So why don't I believe what they have to say. There are a few reasons that I'm consciously aware of. First of all I wrestle with bondage. I have given my life over into rebellion enough in certain areas of my life that my response is automatic and even uncontrollable. I feel powerless to do anything differently then I do. But I also know that the testimonies of those who say they lived in bondage and now walk in freedom have gotten my ear. Their testimonies in combination with Scripture has caused me to explore whether or not their testimonies are true.
I picture bondage now as being 100 different jail cells. 100 may be extreme but my point is that my life is not experienced as only one unit. Some places were in bondage. Now there not. Why? Because I have believed something is true and lived in the truth. Where my soul is united with Christ on something I am free. This where freedom also comes and goes. If I have taken in information or experiences that cause me to doubt what is true I can end up locked up again. But it is also easier to remember where the key is.
So the places that are full of, I do what I don't want to do and I do them sometimes without even feeling like I have control over them and have regrets later are places where I do not choose faith in God over me, myself and I. Or I choose faith in others or things apart from God. The list of reasons why I choose myself over God are seemingly endless.
It shocking to me how blind I even am to the fact that is what is going on. I am completely dependent on God to open my eyes to my lack of faith and trust in Him.
Boy the worst parts are the ones that I value the way I think or believe and it feels like a part of me is literally dying to give up what I value and to choose God over my very comfortable, pleasure driven lies.
I've tasted enough of God changing me to believe that the pessimist on this topic should be listened to just enough for you to understand that complete freedom on every subject in every part of my being, my mind, my sould, my body, and my will wont be experienced this side of heaven. But if I allow that truth to give me permission to be complacent about being united and transformed by the grace, love and wisdom of the Trinity someone other then GOd will have won untold numbers of battles. I don't just want to be a part of winning the war. I want more than that! I want more because I have tasted of the Lord and He is GOOD.
To God alone be the glory for the great things He has done for His children.
Amen.
Friday, January 19, 2007
A tree
I'm in this class right now that wants me to journal three to five times per week. I journal quite a bit. But I don't journal three to five times per week. There have been times in my life when I have forced myself to journal reguarily. But over many years now I have left journaling for times when I feel inspired about something that I just had to put down on paper. Or I am deeply troubled about something and it seems like I wont get past until I write something down. But when you choose to write on a regular basis and there is no specific inspirational moment or crisis looming I find it very difficult to focus my thoughts.
So I'm going to share random thoughts and see if they form some kind of connection.
God is amazing. God has brought me through some rough waters and my feet feel like they are on solid rock for the first time in a long time.
God is relentless in His pursuit.
God is so indescribable.
It is possible to connect with another person's experience without either one of you being able to adequately put it into words.
God's grace is sufficient.
I am hopeful in a way I haven't been for a very long time.
I regret my resistence to God and yet I'm grateful for how real the lessons learned are when resistence is a part of the relationship.
I feel like a tree who was barely healthy. I feel like a tree who didn't stand out from any other tree in the forest. And yet the caretaker noticed that this barely healthy tree needed some help. Much to the dismay of the little tree, the caretaker decided the best way to help this tree was to spread some stinky and unpleasent manure around the tree. Then in order to get the food absorbed some watering was going to be necessary. The tree didn't like being cold and wet. The tree knew it wasn't doing so well and had longed to be healthier and was afraid of what it might take to get healthy. So while the fertilzer was laid down and the water was poured on the little tree it seemed to forget that it cared about being stronger and more healthy. All it wanted was for the smell to stop and for the water to go away. When the caretaker saw that it had given the tree all that it needed to become healthy again he took a break. The tree began to notice something. There was energy inside its limbs that hadn't been there before. That spring for the first time in a couple of years its branches were full of blossoms. The things that the tree hated about the fertilizer and the water were even now providing protection of some sort. Then the tree began to bear fruit, healthier fruit then it had even given birth to before. When the wind blew the tree noticed that it was less afraid for there was strength there that hadn't been there before. The tree made a promise to itself that day that the next time the caretaker came around to provide what it needed in ways it didn't like that it would try to remember how good it felt to be a strong, vibrant, protected and fruit bearing tree.
What random thoughts are you having today?
So I'm going to share random thoughts and see if they form some kind of connection.
God is amazing. God has brought me through some rough waters and my feet feel like they are on solid rock for the first time in a long time.
God is relentless in His pursuit.
God is so indescribable.
It is possible to connect with another person's experience without either one of you being able to adequately put it into words.
God's grace is sufficient.
I am hopeful in a way I haven't been for a very long time.
I regret my resistence to God and yet I'm grateful for how real the lessons learned are when resistence is a part of the relationship.
I feel like a tree who was barely healthy. I feel like a tree who didn't stand out from any other tree in the forest. And yet the caretaker noticed that this barely healthy tree needed some help. Much to the dismay of the little tree, the caretaker decided the best way to help this tree was to spread some stinky and unpleasent manure around the tree. Then in order to get the food absorbed some watering was going to be necessary. The tree didn't like being cold and wet. The tree knew it wasn't doing so well and had longed to be healthier and was afraid of what it might take to get healthy. So while the fertilzer was laid down and the water was poured on the little tree it seemed to forget that it cared about being stronger and more healthy. All it wanted was for the smell to stop and for the water to go away. When the caretaker saw that it had given the tree all that it needed to become healthy again he took a break. The tree began to notice something. There was energy inside its limbs that hadn't been there before. That spring for the first time in a couple of years its branches were full of blossoms. The things that the tree hated about the fertilizer and the water were even now providing protection of some sort. Then the tree began to bear fruit, healthier fruit then it had even given birth to before. When the wind blew the tree noticed that it was less afraid for there was strength there that hadn't been there before. The tree made a promise to itself that day that the next time the caretaker came around to provide what it needed in ways it didn't like that it would try to remember how good it felt to be a strong, vibrant, protected and fruit bearing tree.
What random thoughts are you having today?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
The Deeper Journey
I was assigned a book for a class I am taking this quarter called The Deeper Journey by M. Robert Mulholland Jr. The timing of books in my life never ceases to amaze me. I've been wondering lately why people are saying that there is so much junk out there in the publishing world and yet I keep finding books that are very profound to me. I was starting to wonder about how gullible I might still be. I found some comfort in the realization that most of what I'm reading has been assigned to me by learned men and women who have sifted through a great many books and asked me to read the ones they have found most helpful.
After spending a month working through a few details in my life it was very beneficial to be thinking through a book that looks at the big picture. How do I summerize this book? Basically it attempts to describe the mystery of what it means to be united with and hidden in Christ. It invites us to participate in disciplines that help us deny self and invite God to live His life through us. It does an excellent job of explaining some of the reasons why that is so difficult and some of the choices we can make to experience it increasingly.
If your at a place where you know God loves you and your growing desire is to live a life that responds to Jesus with love and sacrificial devotion and you need someone to help you with how that might be possible I would highly reccommend this book.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing into my life a book that invites me to explore the scriptures that call us to the impossible apart from you. Thank you Jesus for living your life in sacrificial love and devotion to us. Thank you for working so diligently to open our eyes to these truths in a world that is so opposite from who you are. Thank you for gifting some to put finger to keyboard so that we may learn from their journey. Thank you for enough experiences in my life, prior to reading this book, that have revealed that giving myself over to you for your purposes is the meaning to life that I was able to hear at least some of what this book had to say. Thank you for providing hope that staying on this path with you will mean that change however slow will occur for your glory and my good. Thank you for your protection along the way.
Amen
After spending a month working through a few details in my life it was very beneficial to be thinking through a book that looks at the big picture. How do I summerize this book? Basically it attempts to describe the mystery of what it means to be united with and hidden in Christ. It invites us to participate in disciplines that help us deny self and invite God to live His life through us. It does an excellent job of explaining some of the reasons why that is so difficult and some of the choices we can make to experience it increasingly.
If your at a place where you know God loves you and your growing desire is to live a life that responds to Jesus with love and sacrificial devotion and you need someone to help you with how that might be possible I would highly reccommend this book.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing into my life a book that invites me to explore the scriptures that call us to the impossible apart from you. Thank you Jesus for living your life in sacrificial love and devotion to us. Thank you for working so diligently to open our eyes to these truths in a world that is so opposite from who you are. Thank you for gifting some to put finger to keyboard so that we may learn from their journey. Thank you for enough experiences in my life, prior to reading this book, that have revealed that giving myself over to you for your purposes is the meaning to life that I was able to hear at least some of what this book had to say. Thank you for providing hope that staying on this path with you will mean that change however slow will occur for your glory and my good. Thank you for your protection along the way.
Amen
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Change is coming....
My life right now ebbs and flows dramatically. I finished my fall quarter on December 9th. Prior to December 9th I was knee deep in responsibilities to family, to my church to school. Then church and school took a break for a few weeks. After working through the restlessness that such a dramatice change of pace creates in me comes an appreciation for time.
It is very likely my family will be returning to a community we left four years ago this coming summer. I have spent a month working through the emotions of all that. There are many more postives than negatives but the thing about me and negatives is that they have to be worked out. There is something about me that doesn't want to move on with life if I'm aware that there is an issue that is begging me to come and sort it out. I need to be at a place of acceptance or understanding about whatever the question or concern may be. The great thing about having time on your hands is that it more easily affords you the opportunity to think and listen.
So while God keeps shaking me up and unsettling my world. He also keeps begging me to trust him. During the service today our Pastor referred to the famous passage in Proverbs that calls us to, "Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on out own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." And then I noticed the next sentence, "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil." While it may seem strange, it is this last sentence which confirmed the thoughts that I've been entering into the last month or so.
I believe God is asking me to submit myself to Him above all "my ideas". I think He is asking me to wait on Him for guidance. I think because of how well I know myself this kind of obedience will be radical. It will require courage because people in my life will want me to have a plan. Because that's what "we" do, "we" have plans. For instance, often an effective Christian life is described as being a moving ship. The example goes that God can steer a moving ship more easily then a docked ship. See the problem with that ananolgy for me is that I am inclined to not just be the ship but the captain of the ship. I'm weary of charting the path and asking God to oversee the weather in hopes that he'll prove his love for me by providing only smooth waters. I'm not only tired of it, but it has become a completly senseless desire.
I've spent the last month or so wondering if God would rather I see myself as a docked ship. A ship with a captain who has no idea, nor respects her own ideas about where she should be going or what she should be doing. Instead trusts in the Owner of the ship to send tugboats and a map when He is ready to reveal her next destination or journey.
I have discovered that God has created me to be a leader, a servant. But He is having to break me of my inclination to lead/serve with out following Him. Unfortuately for me, is seems to be taking alot of effort on God's part to prove to me I should not see myself as "wise in my own eyes".
On a lighter note with these observations in place and my view of a very lovely harbor with a docked sailing ship in place, I feel strangely equipped, with a huge dose of God's grace, to experience the next six months of my life.
Happy New Year and new begginnings to you!
It is very likely my family will be returning to a community we left four years ago this coming summer. I have spent a month working through the emotions of all that. There are many more postives than negatives but the thing about me and negatives is that they have to be worked out. There is something about me that doesn't want to move on with life if I'm aware that there is an issue that is begging me to come and sort it out. I need to be at a place of acceptance or understanding about whatever the question or concern may be. The great thing about having time on your hands is that it more easily affords you the opportunity to think and listen.
So while God keeps shaking me up and unsettling my world. He also keeps begging me to trust him. During the service today our Pastor referred to the famous passage in Proverbs that calls us to, "Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on out own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." And then I noticed the next sentence, "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil." While it may seem strange, it is this last sentence which confirmed the thoughts that I've been entering into the last month or so.
I believe God is asking me to submit myself to Him above all "my ideas". I think He is asking me to wait on Him for guidance. I think because of how well I know myself this kind of obedience will be radical. It will require courage because people in my life will want me to have a plan. Because that's what "we" do, "we" have plans. For instance, often an effective Christian life is described as being a moving ship. The example goes that God can steer a moving ship more easily then a docked ship. See the problem with that ananolgy for me is that I am inclined to not just be the ship but the captain of the ship. I'm weary of charting the path and asking God to oversee the weather in hopes that he'll prove his love for me by providing only smooth waters. I'm not only tired of it, but it has become a completly senseless desire.
I've spent the last month or so wondering if God would rather I see myself as a docked ship. A ship with a captain who has no idea, nor respects her own ideas about where she should be going or what she should be doing. Instead trusts in the Owner of the ship to send tugboats and a map when He is ready to reveal her next destination or journey.
I have discovered that God has created me to be a leader, a servant. But He is having to break me of my inclination to lead/serve with out following Him. Unfortuately for me, is seems to be taking alot of effort on God's part to prove to me I should not see myself as "wise in my own eyes".
On a lighter note with these observations in place and my view of a very lovely harbor with a docked sailing ship in place, I feel strangely equipped, with a huge dose of God's grace, to experience the next six months of my life.
Happy New Year and new begginnings to you!
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