A prayer

I read a prayer today that I can't resist quoting:

"Dear Lord,

Thank you for your church.

Forgive us for not knowing very much about what it means to be the body of Christ.

Forgive us our professionalism, for spending so much time on dressing up the church and make it presentable to the world, respectable to the world, or worse, marketable to the world.

Forgive us our perfectionisms as we forgive those who are perfectionistic against me.

I pray for your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Help me to understand that though I may (am) not able to align the earth to your will, I can (by God's grace) align the small part of this world that is my heart, my mind and my will.

Align my thoughts so that they become your thoughts, Lord.

Align my ways so that they become your ways.

And align my questions with the questions you would ask of me.

Help me to realize that in answering those questions with my life, I am helping to establish your reign on this earth and doing my part with great tenderness to ease the pain of those who are suffering here."

Ken Gire
North Face of God (pg. 155)

This piece alone could be the the beginning of life altering journey with Jesus -"Align my questions with the questions you would ask of me."

One, two, three...

I was sitting here thinking about everything that has happened the last two weeks. So much of it seems like the culmination of a lot of praying.

Most of the monies we need to go to Kenya have been raised. (many thanks to those praying and giving)

The list of what's next for me this summer and then into the fall is coming together.

Watching God protect and work in my immediate and extended family.

Seeing a practical way for this white middle aged suburban lady to be an encouragement in Urban Hispanic teenage Ft. Worth.

Real things, not hoped for in the future things, are happening. Some fun surprises too. Never would have thought to put it on the list surprises! (Safari in Kenya)

Letting go of my own agenda for my life has been, and I'm not being dramatic, agonizing at times. It reminds me of the feeling I got when I was nine or ten and someone talked me into jumping off the high dive at the community pool. Seemed like a great adventure on the way up the ladder. Then your at the edge... The agony sets in.

Retreating is agony. Letting go of the fear is agony... which hurts less seems to be the most important question at the time. Will I jump into the pool? What if I break my neck? How did that happen to the lady who travels around the country telling her story? (Joni) Or, look at them down there, just sure I wont jump and will instead climb back down the ladder. Wont hear the end of that for a while. Might have to give up coming to the pool. Agony.

The little girl decided to trust she wouldn't break her neck and jumped. A training day for the big girl now.

Okay God, I did say I wanted an adventure. One, two, three... jump!

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

"I have learned to be content." Paul

I think one of the biggest hindrances to this being true for people is our association of the words good and comfort.

Is it really good to be comfortable? I can certainly think of ways it hasn't been good.

Is is good to be always uncomfortable? I don't think so.

Is it good to think about the kinds of good that come from uncomfortable situations and relationships? Yep, I'm thinking it is.

If God seems remote and life seems uncomfortable and your not sure if good can be found there. Check out The North Face of God by Ken Gire. I think it is possible that it will be helpful.

I am learning to be content. Cheri

God of the City - Frisco, TX

I went to a worship and prayer service last night called God of the City. Outside on a a beautiful spring evening. (Which by the way was no small thing, given the weather report at 8am that same morning.)

I'm grateful I went.

Highlights:

A call to worship - A think it was a Ram's Horn. Chills when down my back... not hard to pictures being in a desert encampment and being gathered together with this sound! It's a courageous sound. Humbling. Reverent. To powerful to be ignored. Does not belong inside a building.

The Drummers - pounding, pounding, pounding in unison - smiling from ear to ear! Incredible. A vision of unity.

Worship leaders - beautiful skin colors, dancing with joy, playing instruments with passion and joy! Leading others into the presence of God.

Participants - permission to be passionate, arms raised, heads bowed down. Brave. Praying... Repentant... Hopeful... Exhausted by lukewarmness... Ready for the church to be different.

Lyrics - Words straight from scripture set to music that reflects the mood and power of the words. Closest thing to heaven for me.

Celebration
Repentance
Hope
Calling
Remembering God... so much to remember!

Veronica, thanks for inviting me!

What is Spiritual Direction?

This has turned out to be a very important question in my life.

I was first introduced to Spiritual Direction and Spiritual Directors while in Seminary. My own initial reaction to these terms was not particularly positive. But I trusted the people who were wanting to define and explain these terms to me. The more it was explained to me the more curious I got.

Eventually, I was invited to participate in a Spiritual Direction group. A year or so after that I decided to ask the Lord to lead me to a Spiritual Director I would be comfortable meeting with. The Lord provided one in California and now again in Texas. I'm about to share a few quotes from a book I'm reading by Alice Fryling. The title is Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction. These quotes may help you to understand what I mean when I refer to these terms in the future. In some ways I am already interacting with people in this way. I believe the Lord is leading me to some additional training.

"The Beginnings of Spiritual Direction - Spiritual direction is a way of companioning people as they see to look closely, through the eyes of their hearts, at the guidance and transforming work of God in their lives. It's a practice that began in the early years of Christianity when people followed the desert mothers and fathers out to the wilderness to ask them how to know God. Over the years, spiritual direction has appeared in many faith traditions. It was kept alive in the Christian faith mainly through the Roman Catholic Church, but today the Protestant church is rediscovering it. People throughout the Christian Church, including those of an evangelical orientation, are experiencing again the gifts that God gives to his people through the loving listening and gentle guidance of spiritual directors. This gift is usually offered in the context of individual spiritual direction, but the potential for spiritual direction in small groups is a growing and promising expression of the ministry of spiritual companionship." pg. 11

My comments: The Spirit of God is the one who does the directing. A spiritual director believes God does this and is moved by God to sit there with you as you explore through words the dynamics of your relationship with God. Always grounded in the Word of God and relationship with God. Listening for questions that God may want the directed to explore more. And providing encouragement through faith in the One who is able to provide all that we need.

"Group spiritual direction provides a unique opportunity in the life o the church or community of believers. It is different from more typical conversations such as the superficial (but necessary) hi-how-are-you encounters or those that go a bit deeper but sill require out best-dressed presentations. It's also different from our conversation and groups that revolve around meeting needs (casseroles for those who are sick, babysitting for those who are tired, mission work for those who are needy). It is different from teaching Bible Study adult education classes, seminars and workshops. All of these are very good things to do. (Cheri- Essential things) But they do not provide the unique opportunity given in spiritual direction: the opportunity to be heard to have someone listen to us as we describe the milestones, detours and questions of ours own spiritual journeys." pg. 12

My personal experiences, encounters with the Lord and other believers in Group Spiritual Direction meetings and one on one times, have been life-changing encounters with God for me. Among other things they have fueled courage and faith in my time alone with the Lord and as I interact with others.

I continue to receive confirmation through the Word of God, my time alone with Him, and conversations with people in the body of Christ that I am to continue to offer a ministry of listening and spiritual companionship with others.

I wish I could convey to you how much faith it has taken to write this post. And how delighted I am to be following God on this adventure of faith!

I'd appreciate your prayers for True Hearts: Nurturing souls in Grace as I continually ask God to show me what is next for me to do. I'm attending a training program introduction night here in Dallas on the 15th and need to decide about applying or not by June 1st.

Thanks for listening!

Joy

Joy is

knowing that your son will check in with you when it's something really important.

knowing lots of really interesting, complicated and honest people.

knowing when to walk away from some thing and when to dive in head first from the high dive.

knowing God is helping you help someone else.

knowing God is crazy good as an orchestrator.

knowing your husband really did miss you when you went away.


I haven't blogged in a while because I've been spending my free time with my head and heart in some good books. I'm learning some great, keeping things in eternal perspective, stuff.

If you read this before Thursday, I'm teaching the closing session of our Thursday Bible Study. I'm excited about what the Lord has put on my heart to share. Please pray that the Lord will use my weakness for being in front of large groups for His purposes.

Relearning...

A lot has been going on lately...

I've allowed myself to get a little swallowed up... some of it has been in not so healthy ways.

Two books came my way and not by accident. They are:

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton and
George Muller of Bristol


These two books led me back to the Lord and Psalm 51:

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.[a]
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,[b]
teaching me wisdom even there.

7 Purify me from my sins,[c] and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit[d] from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

Regrouping is good. Glad the Lord didn't let me wander to far...

Kenya - June 2009

A couple of weeks ago, one of the pastors at our church asked us (Dave and me)to consider going to Kenya on a short-term mission’s trip this summer. We were surprised. We began to pray about it and asked several questions. We now believe this is something the Lord is leading us to do. We are very excited about the opportunity to be a part of His ministry in Kenya.

We are going to Kenya at the invitation of an organization called ALARM – African Leadership and Reconciliation Ministries. Their purpose: “We are an African ministry, empowering African pastors and other leaders to bring hope and transformation to their communities.” If you are interested in finding out more about ALARM their website is http://alarm-inc.org.

The primary purpose of this trip is to provide a marriage conference for pastors and their wives. Our hope is that we will be an encouragement to them as well as equip them to teach their own churches. We have always had a heart for pastors’ families and the struggles that they face in leading God’s people. This trip matches up with our desire to serve as an encouragement to Pastors and their families. For this reason, we are especially grateful to be part of this trip. There are seven members on our team each of which will be leading the conference. Our travel dates are from June 11th-23rd, 2009. The conference portion will be held over five days in the middle of the trip and will take place in the coastal town of Kilifi, Kenya.

We would really appreciate your prayers and here are several requests you can start with!

We will be equipped with every good thing to do His work (Heb 13:20-21)
All spiritual, physical and financial needs will be met (Phil 4:19)
We will be pleasing to Him in everything (1 Thes. 2:4)
We will be united in spirit, looking out for one another with love (Phil 2:2-4)
Our words will be full of grace and encouragement (Eph 4:29)
Protection for our families (Ps 91:9-10) (Matt may be in Mexico on a Mission trip at the same time)
We will be flexible and content in all circumstances (Phil 4:12)
We will be filled with compassion, kindness, humility and patience (Col 3:12)
We will be completely useful to the Master (2 Tim 2:21)
We will be light to the nations, so Your salvation may reach the ends of the earth (Is 49:6)

As we get closer to the trip, we’ll be updating you all on how things are progressing!

In His Love,
Dave and Cheri

Listen to My Life Retreat - February 2009

Recently I shared here that I was full of anticipation about an upcoming retreat.

The first words that come to mind when I think back on the retreat are: "Now to Him who is able to do so much more tnan I could ask or imagine... be all honor and glory and praise."

Things I marvel at:

The number of women that attended was the maximum the two homes could hold comfortably for sleeping, eating and enjoying the sessions together.

Some testified to being specifically prepared for this weekend and that just weeks before there was no way they could have come. This was a prayer God had led me to pray about a month before the retreat.

Some weren't to sure about the material when they received it. It felt a liitle like a bait and switch situation. In the end, all seemed grateful they had trusted Liz and my appreciation for the material and how God can use it.

The combination of people God drew was also delightful. I had prayed from the beginning that it would be a varied group of ages and interests. We had 20 somethings to 50 somethings. When God gives a vision and a desire for something to be a certain way and then you don't make it happen you just pray for it to happen. And it turns out beautifully. Well that's just awesome. And I don't mean the word awesome flipantly.

God's provision for this thing was also very touching for me to watch happen. There are two many stories to tell. I walked away knowing that God had provided people, places, food, material, His presence, His help... The goodness of God to all of us was evident to me. Does it get better?

When I think back on all the conversations with people... "Why are you going to seminary?" I have no idea. That question often left me a little empty. Then I would turn to the Lord and say surely this will all make sense someday. Well three of those days arrived last weekend. It would be impossible for me to overstate how grateful I am. All the waiting was worth it! I see God's purposes in it now. Wow! What I want to say about this is that it was a journey that took faith. And God provided the faith I needed to keep moving forward.

Once again, I am very grateful to all who have encouraged me along the way!

I will trust the Lord with my whole heart. I will not depend on my limited finite understanding. In every way I will do the best I can to acknowledge Him. Because of Him and who He is I will enjoy where the path leads next.

Which happens to be prayer meeting at 7:45am. Gotta go! :)

Anticipation

I should be going to bed right now. I've had a full day. I have an even more full tomorrow.

But I'm preparing for a retreat with my co-leader Liz. I have a lengthy to do list between now and next Friday. And I couldn't be more delighted about that.

I am so excited about all that God has done and is doing to bring this retreat together. Instead of being nervous and worried I wont get everything done, I wish it would hurry up and get here. I want to hear what the women who come are learning/hearing from God about.

Please pray that Liz and I will serve the ladies well. That we'll be great listeners and responsive to the Holy Spirit when we speak. Pray that the Lord will move and have His way in the midst of us.

Good Night

Talking with My Father: Jesus Teaches on Prayer

This is the title of a book by Ray Stedman.

In chapter one he makes these statments:

"One sign of losing communication (with God) is that we become obsessed with talk about God. When people only talk about God instead of talking with God, they demonstrate a deteriorated faith. The purpose of all faith is to bring us into a direct, personal touch with God. The mark of a decadent religions is that people become deeply engrossed in discussions about God, spending hours in lengthy, theological debate about the nature and character of God. As Martin Luther, aptly put it, "You that manifest a concern about religion, why don't you pray?""


I agree.

Why do I agree?

When you think about God and then you talk about what you think. God can be reduced in that person's life to an idea.

When you talk to God, He is a person. When you listen to/for God then you are in a relationship.

I don't believe God desires to be an idea in our lives. I believe He wants to be the most important and treasured relationship in our lives.

Prayer - conversation with God - has helped me to be in relationship with God. It is the place where I discover my doubts and I am persuaded to walk by faith instead. It is the place where I choose to not be "smart about it" and instead trust God sees better and thinks even more clearly than me. In conversation with God insights come that make me realize how uninformed I can be when left to my own "smarts". He is the Dad who sits down with me and teaches me something new.

Why do I bring this up? Because I long for people who know a lot about God to turn their attention towards wanting to be with God. I'm under the impression from the words I read in the Bible and being around people I love and respect: that being with God is a better choice than knowing as much as possible about God.

Is God drawing you to be with Him? If your honest answer to that is no, please ask Him why you believe that. If the honest answer to that is yes, please ask Him to help you respond to His invitation.

Grieving is normal.

Do you know that its okay to be sad?

Do you know that its okay to take time to heal?

Grieving is normal. Life cycles.

Birth, growth, then death and then rebirth... This can happen in any part of our lives. In any relationship. In any circumstance. In any responsibility. It can be a small thing. It can be so big you think you wont survive it.

We avoid death. We avoid grieving through the death of roles and relationships. We try to ignore death. We try to skip death. But its only after death that new life comes.

So when a part of your life is dying. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to say this makes me sad. It's okay to ask God all your questions about it. It's okay to be in a place where the only way out is to walk through it by faith in God. It's not okay to lie to yourself and say everything is alive when it isn't yet. What is good is to trust in and place your hope in God and to move you through the grieving with Him. Based on my experience, we don't get to tell God how long that should take. In all of His wisdom and goodness, He decides.

Independence is overrated.

Dependence on God is underrated.

Proverbs 3:5-6

NIV
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding in all your ways (not just a few) acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

NLT
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take."

Hope

Romans 4:18

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

To be a child of God is to have access to hope. Not all of us, in all circumstances, take God up on the access. I have a feeling, in the coming year, more of us will have opportunities to choose between hope or fear. I find this thought pretty exciting. Imagine what might happen in the church if hope or faith in God were muscles we were more practiced at using.

May 2009 be filled with hope regardless of what life on earth throws our way.

Merry Christmas 2008

A year of new beginnings...
















Dave

took on new airline customers from around the world.

began a new role on his team at work.

is learning about a new camera lens.

discovered a few new recipes (He's a great cook!)

started facilitating Bible study again after a break.


Cheri

joined the planning team for Bible study.

is starting a new ministry focused on prayer/reflection.

joined the steering team for North Texas Youth For Christ to Urban Ft. Worth.

started several new temporay jobs.

is helping her parents settle into their new home in Texas.

Matt

is sixteen and driving himself around town. Yeah! (with an occasional Yikes moment)

is playing the bass guitar in a new youth praise band at church.

is a working man now, ten hours a week at Schlotzsky's Deli.

joined the Air Force ROTC at his High School.


God's presence has been a very real part of 2008 and we look forward to walking with Him in 2009.

We sincerely wish you a very Merry Christmas and a joyful New Year!


Dave, Cheri and Matt

Things I thought...

... I would never do:

blog

climb a 14,000+ ft peak (fourteeners in Colorado speak)

be cross-cultural here in America

break a compulsive TV habit

survive parenting a toddler

Those are a few things that come immediately to mind. The reasons I thought I wouldn't do them are very different. It's funny to me how irrelevant the reasons are now. They seemed so legitmate at the time. It's also intriguing to think about what changed my perspectives. There is a common theme in that. They were all changed by my relationship with the Lord.

I've been wondering something this morning, "What do I currently expect I will never do, but someday, because of God, will do?" Life being an adventure matters to me so I hope it turns out to be a long list!

The Prince of Peace

A title I was tempted to ignore… to unrealistic or something.

Until, I saw…

the peace of God rest on a couple previously tempted to abandon one another

the peace of God in a mothers eyes who lost a child to death

the peace of God change a restless heart into a directed heart

the peace of God help a recently blinded man and his wife accept his new condition

the peace of God in the eyes of a woman called to “ insurmountable problems” in inner city Phoenix.

There are many people who hope for world peace at this time of the year. We long for peace to reign. One day we are promised that He, The Prince of Peace, will on all occasions and in every circumstance reign.

Today, I just keep looking for signs of His peace in one life, one story at a time.

One thought leads to another...

Seems like my facebook time is killing my blog time.

For some one over 40 that seems like a really funny statement. I'm in some kind of twightlight zone. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it just different? Can you believe what we spend our time doing? And that in some strange undefineable way its actully useful and even relational.. While sometimes it is distracting and escapist its also fun, enlightening and meaningful.

I had no idea how important that typing class in highschool was going to be...

The other day I said to my husband, "Is it wrong to love your phone?"

I can email, text and oh yeah occasionally actually talk to people on it.

So far I largely use it as a tool for efficently setting up face time with people...

Even that expression "face time", when I see those words it makes me think of when we lived in California. While I was very grateful for things like unlimited long distance phone minutes I also hated being on the phone and longing to just see my friends eyes light up or their smiles in real time. I didn't want to imagine it. I wanted to see it. I hope "face time" always remains important to me.

I think its one of the reasons I love facebook so much. Friends around the country who I would have no chance to see are "seeable" via their various albums each and every day. We get to enjoy much more than the annual Christmas letter.

Maybe the Christmas letter will die soon. Is that good? Is that bad? My bet the vote on that is that it's good.

I just have to get all my friends to sign up for Facebook and then I can journey guilt free through late November and early December without the stress of what on earth to put in the Christmas Letter.

Let the recruiting begin...

Gentleness

God keeps bringing this up lately...

I do not have a gentle and quiet spirit. If you think you see that in me I can tell you for 100% sure what your seeing is God.

Since I've sensed this is an area that I need to learn more about I've had way to many opportunities to trust God for gentleness.

As always if I'm walking in tune with Lord it goes well. If not, I'm not gentle but instead harsh. Actually I think all that has happened is that the Lord just keeps showing me the habits of harshness I've always had. It's not pretty. I don't want to be harsh anymore. I really want to have a strong, trusting and gentle heart.

One of the verses that's helping me recently is 1 Timothy 6:11:

But you , man of God (daughter of God), flee from this (evil, rebellion)and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love and gentleness.

What I love about gentleness is that it really is about loving the other person. And, I'm very appreciative that the Lord chooses to interact with me in gentleness.

Does anyone else ever get tired of the fact that there is always something more to work through? Sigh...

Out of my head and into my life.

I was blind but now I see
waiting is what you asked of me

Trust me, believe me is what you said
I want you to stop trusting just what is in your head

But what if I get it wrong?
Will I have a place to belong?

Yes my dear child, I'm preparing a way
A path of life you wont understand in a day

I will not forsake you, I will not let go
But I will ask you... to die so my life in you may flow


Last weekend, during a retreat called "Listen to my Life" we were given some time in the afternoon to simply enjoy being with the Lord. While I was sitting outside enjoying a beautiful fall afternoon the words above were what came to me.

I have been praying for a while now for a tool to use that would help me share with others what God has been doing in my life. I have been overwhelmed by the idea that I might have to write such a thing. This past weekend God provided the material that I knew I needed to move forward with a ministry that will be called True Hearts - Nurturing souls in Grace. It took Sharon and Sybil five years to put it all together. I couldn't be more pleased that God brought into my life just what I was asking for. God keeps proving to me over and over again that he provides what we need. So good to be his daughter.

Pray that I will be faithful to move ahead as God is leading...

This album is free to November 1st -I'm lovin' every song!

Artist compelled to share with all of us...

Raspberry Mountain Wilderness Lodge

I grew up in the church. I am 41 years old. I have probably attended, over the years 60 retreats, maybe more. I have just gotten back from a very unique retreat. And yet there were things about it that were delightfully typical:

beautiful location- mountains of Southern Colorado
great hikes
lots of women in one place
games
laughter
tears
fire pit
smores
Amazing Grace
development of inside jokes, "Bless your heart"
prayer
Psalm 103

And yet it was different...

Here were some of the firsts for me on a retreat:

adventures on ATVs (All Terrain Vehicles)
cattle in the high country meadows
calves at play and grampa cow always working to catch up
an engagement annoucement
hot tubbing
Yoga
movie watching in a state of the art theatre room
women actively trying to get to know all the other women there

But best of all the home we stayed in was a work of art. It was beautiful. It honors God's creation. It invites you to dream big dreams... It was obviously built with love thinking always of all that would cross its threashold.

Our hostess was the embodiment of hospitality and loving sacrifice in every possible way.

The combination of these two realities did something to us, her guests. Our souls were opened up in beautiful ways. We were free to be generous with each other as she and the Lord through her had been generous to us.

I have never perosonally been more impacted or watched others be more impacted by this gift. There are passages in the book of Acts that will forever mean more to me than they ever meant before.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above you heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Update on Terry

I am writing to let you know that the doctors have been able to figure out what was going on with Terry. After many tests, there is a fairly easy solution that will restore his health. We are very grateful for this outcome!

We are grateful for the answers to prayer that God has provided!

Terry

My brother's name is Terry.

I know, isn't it cute our names rhyme. It came in handy when Mom was calling us. We both responded to a positive tone. We both assumed it was the other one when it was "the somebodies in trouble" tone.

My brother is a couple of years younger than me. We were very typical. Liked each other but also liked a good fight. Road trips were especially interesting. We lived in Kansas when we were little and there was no place to far for Mom and Dad to drive us. So we got some serious "don't cross that line" time in the car.

As we grew up we both were led to leave Colorado for college. We were both led to Christian Universities. Terry went to Northwestern in Minnesota. He married a local girl and they are very happily settled up there.

Terry is a youth pastor. I love his heart for the Lord and people. We have great talks over the phone. Processing what the Lord is up to in each of our lives. Encouraging each other to press on and delighting in what we each enjoy about ministry. He is more than my brother. He is a dear friend.

This week he called to tell me something serious was up with his health. He discovered this while swimming to shore dragging a kyack because he another person had accidentally flipped is on one of his adventures. He heart and lungs weren't working right. After we got off the phone I was horrifyied by the thought that it could have been my dear sister-in-love calling me to tell me Terry drowned in the lake and we can't figure out why.

Before that moment, I thought I already knew how much I love my 6ft 3in "little brother". Turns out I didn't. I couldn't imagine and still can't not having him to call. So now I know better how much I love him.

The doctors have made progress figuring out what's going wrong. He'll be feeling better soon. And all of us who love him will be more appreiciatve than we've ever been before.

I wish I knew why it takes events like these for us to know how much we love and are loved.

I'm always fascinated when the very thing we would never wish on somebody it the very thing that teaches was we need to know.

To those who knew what was going on with Terry this week, thanks for praying!

It's essentially over...

Well, I just wrote the closing paragraph to my final paper for seminary.

I cried through most of my conclusion. My final paper ended up being a journey paper. Where was I on numerous topics before I entered seminary and where am I now. Pretty cool process for your last paper. God's beautiful sense of timing shows up once again.

I cried because I am so overwhelmed with what the Lord has shown me over the last few years. What a joy it has been to work through what I believe, or don't believe or want to believe. And to go through all that experiencing God and his love for me through each question or revelation.

I have read again through the greatest book ever written. I have read many great books about the greatest book. I have sat under great teachers. They were great mostly because they love God and they want others to love God too. They wanted to teach me what God had taught them so I could pass it on to others. No earnest question was ever dismissed some led to the best conversations I've ever had.

Many people have encouraged me along the way. I have been thinking of many of you today as I have been writing. I have to give my dear husband a word of appreciation here. He has listened to me think through so many things. We couldn't even begin to count the number of times I said, "Oh honey you've got to listen to me read this..." It's been a sacrifice that my family has for the most part joyfully endured. May I do as well for them as they have done for me.

Soon my diploma will be in the mail and I'll be looking for suggestions about what to read next. However, that will come after I get through the pile that is already on my desk... :)

Thank you so much for your encouragement along the way!!

Much love,
Cheri

Ending... Beginning

Summer's over...

Tonight's the night its over... bittersweet.

The new schedule starts tomorrow. I love new schedules. New beginnings... Fresh starts...

Fall was my favorite time of year as a kid. Since moving to Texas and being highly allergic to Fall here, its a little hard to say its my favorite. At least not until that first cold snap hits in say late October.

But I do still really love the new challenges and new people that come with new beginnings.

I hope something new is starting up for you in the near future!

Grace and Peace

Blessing

Living Proof Ministries was able to send me the blessing I mentioned in my previous entry. Here it is...

My Dear Sister
You are a woman of substance
Called by Jesus Christ
To share the secrets of His kingdom.
Treasure the wonderHis Word is life
Protect your heart
It's God's holy dwelling
Expect the test
It proves you're not a fake
Dig the roots
Your God loves you
Stop the choke
Be a warrior, Not a worrier
Retain the Word
It makes you competently competent
Then with faith, And a fiery passion
Press forth, sweet one,
To the great glory of Jesus
To your 100-fold
You, go girl!

Marveling at God's timing

I was blessed to attend the Simulcast event that Living Proof Ministries hosted this weekend. It was one of those "meant to be" occasions in my life. Its a small story how I even got there.

Anytime you go some where and the music is beautiful and the words of the music are straight from scripture and the teaching is based on the word of God your bound to come away encouraged. But this was more than that.

Five or so years ago, I took a study written by Beth called Believing God. Life changing for me. It was during that study that I became convinced God was asking me to go to seminary.

I walked into this weekend with some unresolved questions. I asked God my questions again. It was a little like there were two conversations going on. The one I was having with the Lord that relates to what I've learned from Beth in the past but still struggle to understand. And then the second conversation which was what Beth was bringing to us this weekend which was also very applicable to my life now.

Then the two conversaions collided. I received an answer to my central question with a Scripture reference and everything :). After taking my answer in, it made what Beth was saying this weekend so much more meaningful. It all resulted in feeling and knowing I am more free to move forward that I have felt for a long time. In essence it was a commissioning service.

After we in pairs finished speaking a blessing into each others lives. It hit me this was my graduation from school. This was the ceremony. I've asked Living Proof if I can have a transcript of what took place at the end. If I receive it. I'll post it here.

I'm telling you all this because we're friends and well today was kinda a big day for me.

But I'm also saying this because I want to encourage you again to humbly ask God to answer your questions. If you believe there is an intentional delay in the answer and yet feel led to keep asking. Keep asking. Marvel at all God will do to bring you His answer and the timing of it.

Blessings!

Alive ...dead...alive again!

Everything always descends to ritual.
Relationship reduced to action is void.
An invitation is received inviting me back to a heart to heart chat.
There I am accepted, loved, embraced, taught and inspired.
We lock hands and journey once more into action.
The void is filled and life begins again.

Good to be gone... good to be home.

I'm sitting here thinking that two weeks is terribly hard to summarize when so many great things took place:

• My class was awesome - great material, great professor, great classmates.

• Reunions were very enjoyable with meaningful conversations.

• Dolphins at the Pier never seems ordinary, especially when there are baby dolphins. What a blessing!
  

• A local church hosted the author of The Shack. I went to two meetings. If you get a chance to hear him speak in person about his own story of redemption I highly recommend you take it, the book will be better understood and/or carry deeper meaning for you.

• My family missed me and I missed them. It's good to know you really do like each other.

The theme of the last couple of weeks has been this: It turns out science/reason hasn't been able to answer every question that people have. Our culture has gone looking for spiritual answers to their yet unanswered questions. This shift in focus in the western world has meant that Christians need a better understanding of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It has been a humbling adventure to explore what I believe and others believe about the life we live in the power of the Holy Spirit. I look forward to the journey continuing...

By the way for all the book lovers that live in my area. The Lewsiville Library offers free interlibrary loan. They have relationships with all kinds of libraries. I've heard that it is pretty rare book that they can't get a hold of for you. If that's true that makes my heart very happy! I'm testing it out this week. I requested four books for the paper I need to write.

Hope your getting some time this summer to relax and enjoy friends and family!

Gift from God

God delivered a really nice gift to me yesterday.

I had to go pick the gift up at the airport. :)

I found out about the arrival time Sunday via the phone. My presence at the airport was requested at 4:30 pm on Monday. Perfect, I get done with work at 4:00pm.

So what was the gift? My first godly friend arrived back into my life. Her name is Carmen. She was one year ahead of me in high school.

We have a friendship that always involves a heart to heart about what God has been and is up to. We marvel together at what God is doing for and through the other. It never stops amazing us that we can go without seeing each other for years and then pickup exactly where we left off.

All was not perfect, it seemed we were hopelessly lost while getting her to her hotel. We made it there an hour later than we planned. But the Lord provided what we needed to get there safely, a wonderful husband with access to Google maps and a police officer. It was an adventure.

At one point, I said to Carmen if you haven't started praying yet now would be the time to start. Then I commented that I wondered what we were supposed to be learning from our journey. Carmen thought for a while and said, "to be thankful in all things." She was right. When we got off the highway she broke into a praise song. I joined her. Later I was reminded of all those hours spent together in choir.

We have another story to laugh about more later.

We saw the goodness of God in our reunion and in her eventual delivery to the front door of her hotel.

Actually, I've been a little blown away the last few weeks at all that God seems to be up to. I have found everything a little difficult to keep track of and take in. Sometimes walking with God feels painfully slow and involves so much sitting and waiting. Other times, like now it feels like a very long sprint. I'm wondering when I'm going to get a chance to catch my breath.

Something new...

Have you heard of writer's block?

Well I think I have reader's block. I think I've finally done it. I've read to much.

The timing is interesting. I'm starting class next week and I have three books plus professors notes to read.

Usually, I can focus while reading just about anywhere. But lately I can be in a room with no noise and have to read word by word, out loud and slowly in order to comprehend anything. Hmmm...

Maybe there's some cool stuff I'm not supposed to read through quickly in this last class.

Maybe turning 40 just became more than a number...

I'm grateful the Lord will help me whatever the reason.

What are you grateful the Lord is helping you with?

Trinity Arts Conference

I just got back from a conference put on by a group of artists who desire to encourage creativity in the Body of Christ.

It was a very hospitable group of people. A joy to be around.

These are people who intentionally make time in their lives to discover how God wants to reveal himself through a partnership of creativity with them.

Some are very experienced. Others like me are just getting up the nerve to slip into the back of the room... so to speak.

I've discovered some things about me which are new to me. I don't know what these discoveries might mean. I am actually shockingly thankful I don't know. I'm going to trust God will keep revealing what He wants me to see and do it a little at a time. I hopeful that what God is opening up for me will both help me to walk closely with Him and be a benefit to others.

As I think of you, I am curious what brings both joy and meaning into your life?

If your honest answer to that question, after you say in your head all the things you know you should say, is ... nothing. Then let me encourage you by saying, I have been there. By God's grace, I'm not there anymore. I truly believe God wants to lead you out of that place as well. Jesus said and is still saying, "Come, follow me." Let Him lead you to what it is that allows you to express and experience both joy and meaning.

Nothing important

I'm grateful that I've finished another class for school.
I'm grateful for the time recently spent with family and friends.
I'm grateful Dave spotted a giant fish in the pond and two huge turtles, it made him very happy!
I'm grateful Matt gets a break from school for the summer.
I'm grateful for air conditioning.
I'm grateful for the things on my calendar the next few weeks.
I'm grateful for walking trails and lakes.
I'm grateful my husband had mercy on me when I dropped my dear sweet Ipod. That was very sad moment. Call apple is not a good message on your Ipod. Another one is on the way.
I'm grateful for all the music and talks on my Ipod and what they do for my soul.
I'm grateful ...

Ok, maybe I did have something important to think about and say...

Grateful's good.

Hope your grateful list is long too!

Estes Park, Colorado

I'm going to one of my earthly homes this summer. Estes Park, Colorado. My Mom found a house for the 10 of us to rent this summer for a few days. I spent my High School years in Estes Park.

Since its located in Northern Colorado and my parents have settled in Central Colorado I don't make it back to my home turf very often.

What a joy to be with there with my Mom, Dad, Brother and all the additions that God has brought to our little family.

This place means a great deal to me. Growing up in the mountains was a unique privilege that I don't take lightly. The people who live there are outdoor adventurers, risk takers and admires of God's handiwork. Those people and their passions made a very big impression on me.

Most importantly God made a bigger impression. How can you not be wowed by Him when your seven mile commute into school everyday brings you to vistas that never cease to inspire? Majesty, beauty, strength, wildness, dependence, the brilliance of snow covered trees...

In August I will go and remember with family and old friends, and be grateful to rediscover it with the next generation of our family. A blessing indeed!

What get away are you most excited about this summer?

All figured out...

This week I signed up for my last class at Fuller Theological Seminary.

I am very excited about this last course. The title of it is Participation in the Ministry of Christ. I could not be more excited about the description of the course and its desired learning outcomes. It matches up so beautifully with what has been most enjoyable and challenging about my journey through seminary.

I will return to Southern California for two weeks in July to complete the course. The Lord, through his wonderful people, has provided gracious hosts and even transportation for me while I'm there. I'm looking forward to many wonderful reunions.

One friend will just be arriving back from Israel so I'll get to see all her pictures and hear her stories. I'm very grateful for the timing of this because we believe the Lord wants all three of us to travel to Israel with our church next spring. So it will be fun to hear about her experience and I'm sure will get me even more excited about our upcoming trip.

Another friend will just be returning from co-leading a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. I am excited to be praying with her about some specific things and can't wait to hear how God worked through her and in her on that trip!

That's just a couple of the conversations I hope to have.

As I reflect back on the last five years and look forward into the near future, I realize how much of an adventure my life with Christ has become. He has called me to follow him by faith to places that were unknown and intimidating. He keeps asking me to continue living my life that way. It has gotten a tiny bit easier to follow the Lord into these places because His love and faithfulness have only get more obvious. For that I am very grateful.

I know what it is like to feel stuck. I hated that feeling. Let me encourage you that if your feeling that way to ask God to show the way out that He has for you. Whatever challenges that journey brings will be worth whatever cost you might have to pay.

Continuing the adventure...

Indifference or love?

The opposite of love is not hate it is indifference.

I read this statement in The Shack this morning. Its not the first time I've contemplated this idea.

Love teaches us to not be indifferent to God and to others. Love teaches not to be indifferent to ourselves. There is much that needs attention paid to it.

This is one of the reasons that I believe prayer matters. Talking to God gives our relationship with Him a chance to matter. It matters that I say thank you. It matters that I worship the Lord with words and songs. It matters that I seek wisdom from God. It matters that my friends are hurting or seeking and that I talk to the Lord about those things. It matters that I look back and think about the motivations behind the things I did that I don't want to do in the future.

Some days I convince myself it doesn't matter. I become indifferent. I choose not to love. That is sad and prideful.

I do not want to be indifferent and absent of love. I'm grateful God knows when I get there and that He pulls me back. He loves me back.

Where are you indifferent to God? Where are you indifferent to people? Talk to God about it and be in awe of what happens next. Or, if you don't feel like talking try just sitting with Him.

Maturity

Quote:

Jesus has a different view of maturity: It is the ability and willingness to be led where you would rather not go. Henri Nouwen


So when do we believe enough in Christ to go where we don't want to go? When have you believed enough to go to such a place? How did God meet you there? What did you learn about God or yourself or both together?

The answer to these questions must have endless possibilities and fantastic stories.

I marvel at how long and patiently and artfully the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are willing to work for us to trust God enough so that we will go places we do not want to go.

Honest Conversation

I had a conversation yesterday with my son.

It may be one of the most important we ever have. Both God and lies were intensely at work in what what going on.

Honest tough questions got thrown my direction. Sincere thought through and completely believed by me answers got served back in his direction. Praise God, his heart and mind connected with what I shared with him.

I saw my son move from doubt back to faith, hopelessness back to courage, from anger to love. It was one of the greatest privileges of my life to be in that conversation with him.

Class

When I signed up for my New Testament Class this spring. I was excited because I thought I'd have a lot to write about related to what I'm learning in the class. I'm learning too much. It's hard to condense all that I'm learning right now into a blog entry.

However I have new appreciation for Paul. Jesus Christ swept into Paul's life and changed every perspective he had. Once he could see with new eyes he was tenacious about getting the word out. He was full of compassion and zeal and love for his formerly sworn enemies - the Gentiles. He wanted everyone to understand what God was revealing to humankind through Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons why I wanted to go to seminary is the experience I am having in this class. What is the big picture? Each time I get a glimpse of how one book of the Bible fits in with all the books I see the picture better than I did before. So far it blows me away every single time. God is beyond big. God inspires awe. The way God has moved through history to reveal himself is breathtaking. Once again, short on words that match what is going on in my soul.

Urban Youth in Ft. Worth

I am involved in helping a ministry get set up in Ft. Worth to urban youth. At this point, I am working behind the scenes and haven't met any of the kids yet.

This week I'm going down to meet some of them and leaders of other organizations that are already investing in this community.

The area we're focusing on has huge needs and limited resources.

We're praying for adults who will be willing to reach out to these kids in ways that will bring hope and inspire courage. It takes courage for these kids to move from living out of fear to living out of truth-faith, hope and love.

We're praying for the kids to have receptive hearts to the Gospel. We're praying for ideas that will help them be involved in solutions that bring healing to their community. There is so much need for healing.

I am praying the Lord will reveal to me what, how and when He wants me to be involved.

If the Lord lays it on your heart to pray for any of this, please do.

The deck...

Some things are just so easy to be grateful for.

Our deck is one of those things.

Dave and I just restained it. We added some pots and some herbs for Dave's cooking adventures and flowers.

My idea to paint a poker table that was left behind by the previous owner was a bust. It warped horribly while outside in the weather this winter. So I recently picked up a new table a few weekends ago. I was so grateful that I found an inexpensive one that matched the chairs we already had at the first store I went into. Some people are very skeptical about shopping gifts from God but it felt like one to me.

I love starting my morning with some time outside. I love enjoying God's creations. And ending the day having conversation with Dave or Matt or both on the deck.

Gifts are meant to be shared, so come over some morning and let's have a cup of coffee together. But you'll have to put up with how much my dog loves all people. :)

What's the place you enjoy the most?

All in one sitting...

I started taking a class a few weeks ago. I'll be going through Acts - Revelation in 10 weeks.

Oh, my goodness!

At the beginning of each week, my professor asks us to read one or two books of the New Testament in one sitting.

Intentionally, I have read them in the New Living Translation because I rarely use it and it's easy to read. It helps me to avoid jumping in with all my preconceived notions when its in language that is a slightly different from how I usually read it. I have been pleasantly surprised at what I have discovered by doing this. Themes jump out that I haven't noticed before. Change of mood is more easily discerned. I think I will continue to do this when I sign up for a Bible Study class at church. If I lead a study again, I will ask those taking the class to do this. I really think it gives insight that doesn't occur a few verses or a chapter at a time.

Gotta get back to Romans and Paul and Greeks.... :)

Humility and Confidence

Here are some phrases in 2 Corinthians 2-6 that jumped out at me as I read through these chapters recently:

2 Cor. 2:6 to the one a savor from death unto death; to the other a savor from life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things?

2 Cor. 3:5 not that we are sufficient of ourselves, to account anything as from ourselves; but our sufficiency is from God;

2 Cor. 3:12 Having therefore such a hope, we use great boldness of speech,

2 Cor. 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves

2 Cor. 5:6 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.

2 Cor 5:16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.

2 Cor. 6:4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses;

2 Cor 6:10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

I have a dilemma. Just yesterday I was talking and praying through this dilemma with my prayer partner. Recently I find myself caught in the middle of two ideas. I am caught between the truths that God desires our service to come from humility. And yet, Paul doesn’t have any trouble expressing him self boldly with believers.

Humility and boldness do not yet belong in the same sentence for me. God has been working on breaking my pride down for some time now. I used to hate the words submission and obedience. Up until four or five years ago, I wouldn’t have been honest enough with you to tell you that. But God knew. He allowed, even invited some pretty tough stuff into my life, so He could love me through the need for transformation regarding those two words. The tough stuff was very humbling stuff. The amazing result of that loving discipline is that I don’t hate the words submission and obedience any more. I value what humbling situations and an attitude of humility has done for making my heart teachable. This whole experience has been mostly internal. Spoken out loud only to my husband, my prayer partner and one on one conversations with those who have sought to know what God is doing in my life and desire a deep and loving relationship with the Lord for themselves.

Paul’s example of boldness and confidence confuses me. When my mindset switches to those two words, it is very difficult for me to continue to embrace humility. Boldness and confidence are associated with experiences from moments when I wasn’t feeling humble at all. Things like playing high school and college volleyball, passing the CPA exam, solving problems for business clients etc. God has given me natural leadership skills. For the longest time those were used from a place of pride. Even though, I now know that all that I am and all that I offer comes from God. When I switch into some of those leadership behaviors with people beyond my close circle, those that know my heart well, I battle with pride. I don’t like battling with my pride so I tend to shrink back and not want to engage.

I appreciate these verses from 2 Corinthians, Paul expresses with certainty that his confidence comes from the Lord. He ministers with confidence not from a place of arrogance but because he wants everyone to know the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He wants believers to know what God expects of their lives as believers.

One of the verses says, “Regard no one from a worldly point of view.” I think this may be one of the keys I have been missing. I get tripped up when I regard others and my interactions with them in ministry from a worldly point of view. I’ll be asking the Lord to help me change in this area.

Lord willing, I want to get to a place where I can express with boldness and confidence my faith, my walk and certainty that I am just the messenger. Any goodness in me comes from God dwelling in me. I’m asking the Lord to help me understand all this better. I’m also asking the Lord to help me have humble reactions to people when what their saying things that tempt me to feed my pride in myself rather than God. I want to replace those with genuine feelings of awe over what the Lord is doing.

Books! I like 'em a lot.

Since I did an intensive class in January, I've had a few months to read whatever. That has been a nice freedom. A thought or two on the books I've picked up:

90 Minutes in Heaven - I was a total skeptic. Then someone handed it to me. I'm glad I didn't miss this one.

Running with Horses by Eugene Peterson. I believe it has been around for a couple of decades. He reflects and interacts with the book of Jeremiah. I love Jeremiah.

What's so Amazing about Grace? by Phillip Yancey. Believe it or not I have avoided this one for some reason. I don't really even know why. I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. It was suggested in a class I am taking at church.

Love beyond Reason: Moving God's love from your head to your heart by John Ortberg. This one came out in 2001. I like the way John Ortberg writes.

Reaching for the Invisible God by Phillip Yancey. This one is tough for me. Yancey is a serious skeptic at heart. He lays that journey out there. I've been reading it because I have a couple of serious skeptics in my life. I can tend to be the other extreme. But when you measure your level of faith by how you actually live your life. All of us are skeptics on some level.

Why do I read so many books? The number one reason. Not everybody in my world wants to engage in conversation about the Lord and their walk with the Lord. With those that do our schedules often get in the way. That's sad. I really enjoy picking up a book and listening to someone else's journey. I gain new perspectives. My own are sometimes reinforced sometimes challenged.

So if you've been thinking that you'd really like to do some reading, I say go for it.

I will return to my assigned reading list! :)

Blessings!

Easter

Easter means love beyond our ability to comprehend.

Easter means life beyond our ability to imagine.

Easter means joy beyond our ability to express.

Easter means hope beyond our ability to see.

Easter means grace beyond our ability to be sufficiently thankful for.

Relearning...

So I've discovered one of the problems that goes with blogging about your personal walk with God. If it turns out you were only partially right on something, in order for the blog to be truthful as a whole you feel an obligation to share what you've learned later on. In this case it will be humbling.

A few posts ago I shared what took place in my life over a seven day period. At the end of the seven days, I was feeling very joyful about how things were turning out after a lengthy period of waiting and praying. I was really enjoying how it all happened.

A week or so later, the joy of the moment was wearing off and a sense of emptiness was arriving in my soul. I was confused about that. I expected my "to do list" to be fulfilling, satisfying not empty. I started asking God my list of questions. I was embarrassed but admitted my confusion to a couple of people. After a period of time, this is what occurred to me.

I had turned finding a "to do list" into an idol. It seems to me that God looked at my situation and said she needs some help seeing what her priorities should be. So, God provided what I had been asking for in a way that I would know that it was His provision and not my manipulations.

But then only a short time latter it felt hollow. I believe it felt that way because I was more concerned with God giving me things to do than I was with my relationship with Him. Abiding is first, doing is second. I believe out of abiding there always comes a "to do" list. I was reversing the order again. When this light bulb went off and I told the Lord how sorry I was a very deep sense of joy settled into my soul. My relationship with the Lord was restored to its proper place.

I have been very touched by how God worked in my life on this one. He gave me what I wanted so He could show me what I really needed. It feels like mercy and love to me. And now I am really enjoying what the Lord has me doing.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for creating us with a desire to do. Thank you for showing us how important it is to do things and be in relationship with others. Forgive us for when we make that a priority over having a relationship with you. Help us to trust you. Help us to remember nothing eternal can be done without you. Thank you for your patience, wisdom, understanding and love. Thank you for being our teacher, friend and guide.

Amen

Peter

To be Peter when the noise of the crowing cock ceased.

The pain, the loneliness, the confusion.

To move from such certainty to undeniable betrayal in one evening is a horrifying descent.

Where do I go? Who do I turn to? What is real? The suffering must have felt unbearable.

But God, He sees it differently. God knows all the gifts He is about to shower on Peter. The gift of love. The gift of unceasing forgiveness. The gift of humility. The gifts of a calling, message and purpose. The joy of restored relationship.

No, all was not lost at the sound of the crowing cock. All was about to be gained.

The Weight of Glory

I was in a class tonight where we talked about a variety of meanings for the glory of God. I was impacted by something new. As a result this is what I wrote:

Apart from Christ we are found:

vacant
wanting
hollow
lifeless
tossed easily by the wind
we live without substance

We believe and experience that our faith in Christ allows us to be full:

full of love, faith and hope
the WEIGHT of the realness of God comes to rest in our souls
we overflow with life to give to others.

If we could only REALLY SEE the WEIGHT of God's glory.

Sorrow

Some days bring sorrow. Sunday was one of them.

A friend of mine went to check on his wife and found that she had left her home on this earth to go to her new heavenly home. It was unexpected.

We're not sad for her. We do grieve with hopefulness. However, we do grieve.

I have been reminded that every breath is optional. God has the option of bringing us home.

Right now, I really hate that death creates so much pain.

Seven Days

I have been asking the Lord for quite a while to show me what He wants me to be doing with my time after I get done with school.

In California I discovered that I enjoy working with adults learning English, upon moving to Texas I felt led to explore the possibility of becoming a ESL teacher in a school district. I probably would do well with high school students but I'm not sure that I belong in a school district. For several reasons it doesn't seem like the right path to pursue for now. Since arriving at that conclusion, my tolerance for the difficulties of substitute teaching has decreased significantly.

I also discovered that I do not have enough experience in English Second Language to be a candidate for employment in non profit organizations that are close by. Larger organizations, which may have room for a novice and budget for employment are a great distance from our house. This type of employment also means afternoon and evening commitments which put me in direct conflict with my desires to be available to my family when they need me.

In addition, I have also realized that as a tutor my effectiveness in those places was not limited by my lack of being bi-lingual. (In fact you are a better ESL tutor if you don't speak their first language. ) But, if I am ever to be working daily in a Latino environment, I really believe I need to be bi-lingual. I have been working on that goal for eight months or so but I'm a long ways away from reaching it.

Simultaneously, I was also been having another experience. Because my thinking has been altered in so many ways, I was beginning to believe that I would be frustrated trying to minister to my own peer group. I have been convicted that this thought is not true. In fact quite the opposite is true. So while I previously felt free to look outside my local body of believers to serve, I now believe that I am being asked to discern where I need to be serving there.

Which brings me to something else that had to be sorted out regarding my time. Unless something changes, we expect that I need to have a part-time income through Matt's college years.

So after months and months of going through a sorting out process, this is how God addressed all of these issues in one weeks time:

On a Wednesday, I asked God to find me something else besides substitute teaching. (I had actually been praying this for at least a month but on this day I was much more desperate about it.)

On Thursday, I applied for a administrative job in a ministry and learned the position was filled.

On Saturday, I discovered a job posting for a part-time Executive Assistant who needs to be familiar with QuickBooks and Excel. The location was Flower Mound. The business has to do with Recreational Vehicles. The owner liked my resume, particularly the going to seminary part.

On Sunday, the owner invited Dave and I down to see them "in action" at the Ft. Worth Home and Garden Show. At the show, we scheduled an interview for Monday. I accepted his Monday job offer on Tuesday and began work that day.

Also on Tuesday, before leaving for my first afternoon of work, I got a an email from my church inviting me to participate in a ten week seminar on learning to teach. If I was still planning to be a substitute, I could not have committed to those Tuesday mornings. I am very excited about growing in this area and serving in this area.

On that same evening, I visited a local ESL program. When I left I was concerned that at this time this program would not be a good match for me. I woke up early the next morning with a new friend on my mind. She has moved here from Mexico in the last year. Why had it never occurred to me to talk to her before. On Thursday, I asked her if she would be interested in meeting once a week for an hour to work on English. She said yes. We've set a date to start.

I know I have given a whole bunch of details here. But in this case, the details really do matter. See I had some expectations when leaving California about what I thought the Lord might want me to be doing. I needed to explore those ideas. Some of those ideas conflict to much with the current responsibilities to my family. I have discovered, that there is additional training that needs to happen for some of those interests and desires to come to pass. For now at least, my passions and training in seminary do not seem to be things that will bring our family additional income. So instead God has provided financially through my business skills which do make me employable. A bonus is that those skills will be used to help a Christian family who I think have a great business idea. Best of all, I will have a schedule that allows me to continue learning Spanish, volunteering as an ESL tutor and be engaged in serving women at my church.

I have been asking God for a long time to give me a to do list that makes sense to me. There have been days when I wondered if that was just asking to much.

Right now, I am just so grateful that God has blessed me with the ability to understand why I needed to go through a process of sorting some things out before arriving at this past week. And, I find it incredibly comical and very God like that all of these things fell into place in seven twenty-four hour periods.

I have been humbled yet again. I went through times of doubt. Sometimes I had trouble believing that God was at work at all on my prayer requests. At this point those doubts are very embarrassing.

Patient endurance

I am in a group on Thursdays that is studying the book of James. Our leaders took the book of James and printed the whole thing on four pages of 8 1/2 by 11 paper. They got rid of all the chapter and verse number that weren't there to begin with. We read it together as a letter not as a book. It was awesome.

Since we've found a million different ways to print the bible. I think someone should take all the books that are really letters and print them that way. It really invites you to sit and read it all in one setting. It helps with the issue of thinking about what is being said in the context of the whole letter.

Since reading this together, I've been thinking about a couple of phrases. The first is the truth that we are asked to patiently endure. We are to value perseverance.

Perseverance and I have love/hate relationship. I've been trained through my athletic and academic experiences to value perseverance. It has been easy for me to value persevering in those circumstances. Since I have always valued the end goal I have therefore been willing to do what it takes to get there. In large part this has been because of coaches, teachers, parents and their faith in me and their words of encouragement to me.

Perseverance as it relates to my walk of faith with God, well not so good some days. I often want something specific or tangible as my end goal. For instance take, trusting God as an example. I can look back ten years and say with confidence I trust God much more now than I did then. But what about six months ago or last week. My spiritual life is not as easily measured as other areas of my life. I am having to learn to be more accepting of that.

I find it easier when I make it a point to spend time with other believers. I need coaches, teachers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles to help me see what I can't easily see. So that I will embrace not just tolerate one more day of patiently enduring.

Dear Lord,

Thanks for all that you led James to write down in this letter. Thanks for all the believers you have used in my life to encourage me to patiently endure. Thank you for the encouragement you have given me through your Spirit. May we endure with joy. May you use me to encourage others as they patiently endure.

Amen

A quick hug

So I was substituting the other day. I was at an elementary school for a Resource Teacher. This particular teacher goes into a 3rd grade classroom and helps three children who need extra assistance keeping up with the rest of the children.

Out of the corner of my eye I kept noticing one little girl. She was watching me. Everytime I would turn towards her to make eye contact she would shyly turn her eyes away from me. I have no idea what was going through her cute little head. A couple of hours into my time there I was sitting at a table in the back of the room helping a boy read the directions to a math problem. This little girl came and just stood in the small space between the boy and I and listened. She waited till I finished. Then in the quietest voice asked me a question. She just needed confirmation that she understood and was doing the problem right. I confirmed she was with a nod and a smile. Then to my surprise, she gave me a hug and walked quickly back to her seat to sit down.

The rest of the afternoon she no longer avoided eye contact with me. That little girl made my afternoon all worth while.

I make it a point before I enter a school to pray that God will use me somehow. Some days it seems that God is aware that I need to be encouraged as well. I'm learning to marvel at how beautiful even a brief relationship can be.

Heaven

Whew! We made it to January 1st.

While I was thinking back on everything that has happened between my last post on December 15th and today my head started to spin.

I'm very grateful that I can honestly say that most of what has taken place this last two weeks has been really enjoyable. Its a little overwhelming to think of all the people who didn't enjoy this Christmas season for whatever reason. Another example of life is not fair.

From someone, I heard that there is a church offering a "Blue Christmas Service" for those who find themselves grieving this Christmas and unable to enjoy the traditional Holly Jolly Christmas.

For various reasons, I've been thinking a lot about heaven during Christmas. In addition to other things, I've been looking forward to there being physical substance and attributes associated with God. Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled we can sense God's presence here with us now. But I'm looking forward to more.

And even at my young age there's also a list of people I miss and look forward to being with again. Oh the things my Granddaddy and I are going to have to talk about!

Just think

no more sorrow
no more hidden agendas
no more sickness
no more hatred
no more selfishness
no more pride
no more death
no more damage

the presence of God
the beauty
the sounds, the sights, the smells
the things to do
the ways to be
the variety of souls
the...

We need prayer.

Today is a prayer request.

My father-in-law has been fooled by scam artists again via the web.

God has allowed his efforts to be frustrated so far and to our knowledge has not been able to get them the money he intended to send to them last week.

Pray for Mom that she will know what she is supposed to do and when and that her physical strength will be returned to her.

Pray for all of us that we will be willing to do whatever God needs us to do in this situation.

That Dad will see that he needs to discover why he is vulnerable to these influences. That he will seek help outside the family.

That we will all trust for God's provision if his choices lead to the loss of their home or even worse the loss of either of their lives due to the stress they are both under.

We had a one year and three month reprieve from this. Now it feels like it is spinning out of control. Maybe it is. Maybe that is exactly what we need to have happen for Dad's eyes to be opened.

Please take this as a loving warning. If God is trying to get your attention by identifying something in your life that you repeatedly do out of rebellion. Please beg God to help you figure out why you do it and show you how to submit your life to Him in that area. If your like me the answers wont come overnight. You will not be changed overnight. But excusing sin and ignoring God where He is at work in your life can have very grave consequences to you and to all who love you.

Thank goodness there is hope and life and healing in turning away from rebellion and towards our Heavenly Father. Oh what a happy day it will be if Dad ever sees the light on this piece of his otherwise faithful life.

Thank you for your prayers.

Fun, Fun, Fun

A group of ladies got together at my friend Laura's house. We delighted in a cookie exchange and an ornament exchange. We talked, we laughed, we shared our plans for Christmas. We also shared recipes, reunited with long time friends and met new ones. Some without even realizing what they were doing, used their God given gifts to brighten the day of each one there.

Isn't it amazing how much a gift of service, a warm smile and knowing nod does for the soul?!

I've been away from this group of friends for a number of years. Today was one of those days when it was exceptionally good to be here and not just passing through town.

Redefining Discipline

There is a book called Compassion that I have been reading throughout the fall. It's only 132 pages long. This book it full of things I need to stop and think about before I move on. So I'm making my way through it very slowly. And, frankly there are times when I was afraid to pick it up again because I haven't wanted to have to deal with whatever God might want to show me next.

Sometimes I need to stop on a particular page because God is shifting my thinking on something. I need time to reflect about how I used to understand something. I also need to really think about and pray about whether or not there is a biblical basis for a new perspective I am being introduced to.

Now for the real reason I wanted to write this post. One of the big challenges of walking with God is that His ways are not our ways. So when we use words to teach something God had given us to teach if we don't redefine a word we can unintentionally teach what we didn't mean to teach. (Hang with me this will make sense in a minute.)

Increasingly there is a call in books and magazines for the exercise of what is labeled "spiritual disciplines". The problem with using the word discipline is that from a worldly perspective it makes us think of ideas like efficiency and control that are very self-directed. In reading this book today I came across the best explanation I've seen so far on the difference between a worldly and a biblical perspective on discipline.

I am going to quote a couple of paragraphs but substitute patience for the virtue they used in the text because patience seems to be something that almost all of us can relate to being in need of:

"Discipline in the Christian life should never be construed as a rigorous method or technique to attain patience. Patience is not a skill that we can master by arduous training, years of study or careful supervision. Patience is a divine gift and not a result of systematic study or effort. At a time when many programs are designed to help us become more virtuous, we need to be reminded continuously that patience is not conquered but given, not the outcome of our hard work but the fruit of God's grace. In the Christian life, discipline is the human effort to unveil what has been covered, to bring to the fore ground what has remained hidden, and to put on the lamp stand what has been kept under a basket. It is like raking away the leaves that cover the pathways in the garden of our soul. Discipline enables the revelation of God's divine Spirit in us.

Discipline in the Christian life does indeed require effort, but it is an effort to reveal rather than to conquer. God always calls. To hear God's call and allow that call to guide our actions requires discipline in order to prevent ourselves from remaining or becoming spiritually deaf. There are so many activities distracting us that a serious effort is necessary if we are to become and remain sensitive to the divine presence in our lives."

Dear Lord,

We know that we can't make ourselves good. We try doing it through control Lord because its a familiar way to us of solving problems. We've all tried in countless ways on countless topics. Lord we try because we know you've called us to be good. We know that good is better than bad. We love you and desire to do the right and good thing. Lord help us to see, we can't do it through just making a decision to do the right thing. Help us to understand your role in revealing yourself to us. Help us to see what area of our life your wanting to work on. Your work is so individual and so perfectly planned. Help us to choose to want to be sensitive to your leading and submissive to your direction. Help us to be willing to put forth the effort this kind of living takes. Help us to stop fearing discipline but instead to appreciate your gifts to us through it.

In Jesus name, Amen.

(Compassion by Henri Nouwen, Donald McNeill and Douglas Morrison, pg. 88)

Giving Thanks

Yesterday, at bible study, we wrapped up our fall study on women in the Old Testament who had walked from fear to faith. We did this by taking turns telling each other our own stories of walking from fear to faith. We were each allowed five minutes to share. In all my years of bible study I don't think I've had the opportunity to participate in that kind of sharing. It was great to hear what God is doing now or had done in the past to cause each one of us to believe that it is possible to crossover from fear to faith in God.

To see how God is as work in each life is so humbling. God is so big, so powerful, so personal. It doesn't take long to meditate on those truths before I feel ridiculous for not checking in with Him on everything.

After a morning like that it's not hard to take the advice of the psalmist who wrote in Psalm 136:

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.

I think the most lasting insight I received from these last few weeks of bible study is this. I have discovered another reason why quiet time with God is so important. It is our chance to sit quietly and ask God to show us what part of our lives we are feeling anxious about. Once we identify the fear we are dealing with, we can pray and ask God for what we need to overcome that fear so we can walk in faith. I bet that is one of God's favorite prayers to answer! I know its one of my favorite answers to receive!

May the peace of God rule in each of our hearts today! Amen.

Why pray?

There are many answers to this question.

to receive salvation
to get urgent help
because God said so
our prayers are used by God for the benefit of others

In the past these have all been reasons why I have prayed. At some point these answers didn't seem complete. What was I missing about the point of prayer? Why do some believers have testimonies of loving to pray? Why do some have passionate prayer lives?

I believe that God prompted these questions. I believe God got me to a place where I really wanted answers to these questions.

Getting answers to these questions has taken time. There were things I needed to unlearn. There were things I needed to learn. I did this through relationship with praying people that are in my life and through biographies of praying people. Also, through being taught by authors who have committed themselves to discovering and the sharing what God has shown them regarding prayer.

I mentioned the book called the Grand Weaver by Ravi Zacharias yesterday. There is a paragraph from this book on prayer that I couldn't agree with more:

"More than anything else, prayer enables you to see your own heart and brings you into alignment with God's heart. Prayer is not a monologue in which we imagine ourselves to be communing with God. Rather, it is a dialog through which God fashions your heart and makes his dream of you a reality. It is truly the treasured gift of the Christian that through direct answers and not-so-direct answers, the follower of Jesus begins to love God for who he is, not for what he may get out of him."

This paragraph is packed with profound motivations for praying. These realizations and motivations in my own life have made a staggering amount of difference in my passion and enjoyment of prayer.

One thing I love about all of this, is that the relationship with God that is created through these motivations for prayer makes it possible to serve others well through prayers for them.

Dear Lord,

I wish having an ongoing conversation with you everyday wasn't such a challenge. I wish there wasn't so much to overcome. But I'm grateful that you keep inviting us to be more and more aware of you and your work in our lives and the lives of those around us. I'm grateful it only takes the smallest amounts of faith to ask for you to open us up to what you have for us in conversation with you. Help us to see all the ways you respond to our prayers. Help us to have the courage to talk to you about absolutely anything. Especially the parts of ourselves that we are most disappointed exist. Help us to invite you to go to work on us.

Help each of us to see you working to make us into your dream of who you want us to be. Help us to be confident that that person, your dream, will be worth what it will take to get there.

Lord teach each one of us to pray.

Amen

Grand Weaver- How God shapes us through the events of our lives.

A friend let me borrow their book called the Grand Weaver by Ravi Zacharias.

Here's a quote from this book: "Only if you are willing to pray sincerely for God's will to be done and are willing to live the life apportioned to you will you see the breathtaking view of God that he wants you to have, through the windows he has placed into your life."

I believe this statement is true. I believe this statement matches the journey I have been on for some time now.

God has been teaching me what it means to trust him enough to "pray sincerely for God's will to be done". Not easy. Not doable with out first dying to self. Not possible with out God's grace.

But oh the "breathtaking view of God" that exists in the midst of dying to self and sincerely praying for God's will...

The Christians who choose to live this belief inspire me. I marvel at their lives. By God's grace I want to live that life.

Sometimes my biggest struggle is being satisfied by what the Lord has apportioned to me. This time when it came up I had two images in my mind. They were very humble jobs as the world sees jobs. I sincerely want God to transform my heart to the point that I am truly content and joyful in whatever God has apportioned for me.

Dear Lord,

Forgive us for not understanding what and how you are weaving into our lives. Thank you for, in spite of our blindness, being a master at weaving yourself into our lives. Give us the ability to let go of the expectations of others and of our own expectations. Help us to see the necessity of being humble worshipers of you. Your ways are not our ways. Thank you for opening our eyes to your ways through worship.

In the precious name of Jesus Christ,
Amen

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

Our family has been very thankful for a little adventure we got to go on earlier in the week.

We went to the Branson, MO area to see our friends Handy and Cindy. We met this couple 18+ years ago. At that time they had grade school and Jr. High girls. Now these young ladies are married with beautiful little children. We met this family in the first small group we ever joined. To see how God has answered so many prayers for their children was really really enjoyable.

I'm thankful God has provided them a beautiful home in the Ozarks.
I'm thankful they love to use their gifts of hospitality and loved having us for a visit.
I'm thankful for the Ozarks. The landscape is beautiful and the people are fabulously unpretentious.
I'm thankful that my family really loves road trips.... the talks... the music... the open road.
I'm thankful for the bond between believers that allows us to pick up right where we left off and get to the heart of the matter very quickly.
I'm thankful that at the end of the trip my son wanted to know when we could go back to see them again!

I'm thankful we got home in time to get everything together to host my husband's side of the family for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to be together.

I hope you have had some time this week to reflect on the important relationships and the amazing provisions, the little things and random interactions with people that God has allowed into your life. It is so good to be a child of the King.

changed. and desperate.

These are the titles of a couple of new songs that came my way via a friend this week...

some lyrics in changed.

You have changed the way i do everything
You have changed the way i wear my wedding ring
You have changed the way i treat my family
You have changed the way i see my friends
You have changed the way i spend my time
You have changed the way i use my mind
You have changed the things i spend my money on
You have changed everything i ever thought was mine
You have changed my emotions, you have steadied me
You have changed my eyes and what I let them see
You have changed the course of my history
thank God, You're still changing me!


some lyrics of desperate.

Lord, i thank you for this rain
healing waters when there's pain
there are rivers of Your providence
surrounding our obedience
in Your faithfulness, i put my faith
so Lord, i thank you for this rain
and i will always choose to praise you

music and lyrics by phil joel and dale evrist
the deliberatePeople

I love it when God drops the perfect song or album into my week. I wonder if song writers really understand how much God uses them?

Lament Psalm

Our pastor has been asking us to write a Psalm. My day yesterday inspired a lament.


I am hard pressed on every side.

I am left to choose between right and easy.

I am broken in spirit.

I am without hope.

I am left with unanswered questions.

Only you can I turn to for strength.

Only you can I turn to for hope.

Only you can give me wisdom and understanding.

So I will seek You, trust You, ask You.

I will be grateful You are there.


A few entries ago I had a day where rejoicing in the day the Lord had made was pretty darn easy. Yesterday, not so easy. Like most of life it turns out substitute teaching has good days, average days and really bad days. Writing this Psalm really did help me get perspective on the whole thing. Coming home to my family did me a whole lot of good as well. Thanks, you two.